Fatherhood

[dathon]

You brought up quite a few interesting points. One thing in particular stuck out in my mind, though.

I think how so soon...so very soon...I will be dead. Everything I have learned, wasted time studying, people I love...all of it will be gone.

I would think that this would actually be a very liberating view point. For if nothing matters, then you are free to explore, live, laugh, and enjoy without worrying too much about the long term consequences, since it will all be lost and forgotten anyway. There would be no concern over how well a subject has been studied, or how well a job or task was completed. And you can enjoy the company of your loved ones, and will not remember any of the pain of losing them once you yourself are gone.

Now personally, I am of the belief that this is not the only existance for us. And anybody who has even the most minimal education can name people who's actions have profoundly affected others long after their bodies have turned to dust. I am not trying to attack your views/positions; I respect and believe in an individual's right to his own thoughts, opinions, and conclusions. Just offering my thoughts, both in conjunction and counter-point.

And by the way, you cannot be too selfish if you care about others enough to worry about missing them when they are gone. A truly selfish person does not care for any other but himself. So don't sell yourself too short ^_^

I have a cat.... named Bear. And he is so cute that at times it is almost unbearable :wub: (yeah yeah, stupid pun :rolleyes: )

[Scrape]

If nothing matters...

I often think that way. I do not act that way as much, but I do think about it a lot.

I like to say I am eclectic. I believe in everything and I do not believe in anything. I believe in all religions and I do not believe in any religions. Everything is false and everything is true, for it is all a matter of my point of view.

So yes, at times nothing matters to me, but at other times things do matter. (Such as my loved ones as you pointed out.)

The same goes for being selfish.

I miss Quincy, my deceased friend of a cat. It has been a couple of years now, but I still think about him often. Sometimes I try not to so I can avoid the pain, but other times I give in...

[Occhidiangela]

Since that is not likely any time soon

Hard answer.
(PS, Doc, glad to see you won the latest round with The Big C. Being a bit out of touch, I am glad you is back.)

OK, how to be a good parent. Hmmm, I can only say how to give it your best shot, since I am very much the imperfect parent.

1. Patience
2. Want to have children
3. Want to give, particularly time
4. Want to learn again
5. Patience
6. Sense of humor
7. Standards
8. Willingness to feel pain and still get up the next day and smile and love
9. A dog
10. A loving partner who is similiarly inclined
11. Patience
12. A place called home. It may be a place that changes over time in explicit location, but it is home.
13. A frisbee, a Nerf, a bat, a ball, roller skates and a trampoline if you can afford one (that last saves wear and tear on the beds. Kids like to bounce.)
14. The ability to fix things with string.
15. A love of healing
16. A love on hugging.
17. Fundamental first aid skills
18. A cookie sheet and an bread board for clay and play dough
19. Crayons.
20. Paint for the walls that the crayons will decorate.
21. Patience.
22. Love of stories and reading.

Not sure what I left out. Almost everything else, I think.

Darn, did I mention Patience?

Doc, if you love young ones, there are many ways for you to contribute to the warmth and love that the world needs without adoptiong. Most of it, based on your comment in re felon stuff, would mean accessing your network of friends, but the key is to be around young people and share with them, not just your self, but to allow them to share themselves with you . That last bit is key.

Best of luck.

Occhi

[Occhidiangela]

May I suggest you read Viktor Frankl's book "Man's Search for Meaning."

I had a few similar thoughts some years ago. A girlfriend lent me that book. It did not change my life, she had more influence on that, what with her presence, wit, etc, but it carries a very good message.

We all have the power to choose our own attitude. You can choose a different attitude than the rather dim view on life you have projected in your last two posts. Rough week, I guess. Rough month? Year?

In any case, one thing raising children does is take you outside yourself.

Nothing matters? OK, the best way to cheer yourself up is to go out and help someone today. You make the world a better place when you improve even the small corner you live in. A few hundred small kindnesses create a remarkable stream of positive energy. I know this from experience, not from a book.

Anyhow, I hope your next post comes after you have had a chance to drink in and even create some positive energy.

Take care, mon frere

Occhi

[ShadowHM]

Originally posted by Occhidiangela@Aug 10 2004, 12:00 PM


Doc, if you love young ones, there are many ways for you to contribute to the warmth and love that the world needs without adoption. Most of it, based on your comment in re felon stuff, would mean accessing your network of friends, but the key is to be around young people and share with them, not just your self, but to allow them to share themselves with you . That last bit is key.

Best of luck.

Occhi

Surrogate uncles are a wonderful thing. The mentoring they can provide is important. They can be sounding boards for notions that the kids want to run past the parents. They can be sources of quality time that parents are unable to fulfil at times.

Our cottage neighbourhood has Uncle Bob. He is a blood (great) uncle to many of the children of the neighbourhood, but he has extended this attitude to all the other children around. He knows how to fix things. He dispenses his fix-it help to all who ask and listens to the concerns of those who come by. My children love him as much as, if not more than, some of their own uncles who are not as accessible. Just because they are not his own children he can afford the patience that we parents sometimes run short of in dealing with our children.

[Scrape]

Hello.

I appreciate the reply, and as per my usual, I do not mean to seem harsh. (Right? Maybe.)

Anyway...

I will look into the book, not because I think it will "influence" me, but because I do enjoy reading about such things. The last book I read that somewhat focused on such things was The Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav. It was mainly about becoming multi-sensory instead of five-sensory, being in touch with your "immortal" soul, and so on.

Occhi: We all have the power to choose our own attitude.

I can agree, but what about those that do not have the option? Those that have been through electroshock therapy, are mentally incapable, or those that are only physically here.

Really I am just getting picky. For the most part, I do agree with you.

As for my attitude, it has been more than a rough year. I have been this way since before I entered high school. It was around the time my parents separated. I am not saying their separation was the cause for my thinking, but it certainly had an impact. I am almost certain I would have started acting this way regardless of whether or not they separated.

But sometimes I like this dim view. In a weird way, this dim view sometimes gives me joy. Sometimes I just like to think and converse about such things.

Other times it is basically depression.

Nothing matters, but I do not always feel that way. I have been unstable in that way of thinking for a while. It is similar to how my likes and dislikes keep changing. I go back and forth among the recurring likes and dislikes. At least it keeps me diversified. (Nothing matters, which is why I usually try to type properly. )

I do try to help others every now and then. Sometimes I pass up the opportunity, and sometimes I indulge.

Often when I am with others, I keep on a disguise. It might be because I do not want to get into my dim views, I do not want to upset others, or I just want to seem like I am okay. But then again, sometimes I do not hold back.

I am not really looking to create any positive energy. Despite all of the things, people, and creatures I love, I just do not want to be here.