Your Warrior has destroyed a Longbowman! (Epic 28 Report - Kuro)

[Kuro]

It is the Dawn of 4000 BC for the wonderful Dutch peoples, led by KURO VON BANANA. He rules with a burning yellow passion, but little brains.



This shall be where his civilization is born and raised. Did I say raised? I meant razed.

So yeah, Deity. Never played this before, but I know that Wonderspamming, Religionspamming and the like are right out, early war is usually pretty bad too IIRC, you basically want to outlast and conquer...or maybe diplo victory. I dunno. I do know that a Work Boat finishes before a Worker and so I shall start there. The Warrior will not venture far out for scouting...

First tech has got to be Mining, then see if I want Hunting before BW for the Ivory or if I can fit in BW before the Worker.

Mining comes in...



As you can see, I should be able to finish Bronze Working(It'll go down once the Work Boat is done and I can work the Clams) and then nail Hunting before the Worker really needs it. The Warrior has almost finished all his scouting and he found some...interesting things north.



The double gold is too good to resist, even if right now I would need to Galley over Workers: Such early commerce is unlikely to come from anywhere else and I can whip a Galley out. In addition, it should be relatively easy to manipulate the CPU into landing on open ground next to a hilled city here, giving me a fighting chance. Another city can pick up the fish.



Not much going on southside. If there is a seafood that the jungle hill can work, I'd like to settle there.



The villagers my Warrior went to check out gave me a Scout! I'll send the Warrior back and scout with the, uh, Scout.

Work Boat done. Worker in 11: BW in 9 at that point.



We meet our first opponent: Sir Brennus of the Celts! He has founded Buddhism. He also looks like he will control some juicy land: Tis sad I cannot secure that Crab/Clams/Pigs spot.



...Hm, mayhaps I can. I would certainly have to cozy up to him, though.

Bronze Working comes in. I hold off on Slavery for 1 turn, for my Worker to pop out.



Worker out. I consider my options: Warrior affords defense and the like, Worker for speed...but I choose Work Boat, because sea scouting will be amazing. And I'll get tech bonuses when Deity civs know all my stuff. Amusingly, Hunting and the Worker will both finish their tasks(Being teched and Farming) in 5 turns: I did something good, yay!

The Bunches' borders expand. I don't see much except some Stone and Gems in places I don't think I can reach in any plannable time.



We meet Charlemange of the Holy Roman Empire. He's a bit of a fanatic IIRC, so he could be useful for a Diplo victory. He also doesn't have a religion, yet HRE starts with Mysticism and two religions have been founded. I suspect another Spiritual is out there.

Hunting comes in at 2880 BC(TUrn 28). I consider carefully between The Wheel and Sailing, as The Wheel will let me hook up the Ivory, while Sailing lets me build Galleys and hook my cities up coastally. I decide on Sailing for Lighthouse and city connection, The Wheel or Animal Husbandry can come shortly. The Bunches also grows to Size 3, but I whip out the Work Boat and overflow into a Worker.

My free Scout meets a Barbarian Archer on it's second move. It is slain. ...I think I will overflow into a Warrior instead. Maybe grab Archery after Sailing. But ultimately, I decide to overflow into a Worker still: The Warrior can be whipped easier. Mr. Work Boat sets sail.



A Charlemange draws near! Command?

The second Worker finishes and I send them to chop down the tree on the hill and replace it with a mine, work on a Warrior for defense and expansion.



Asoka! So I was right, a Spiritual civ...but he founded the THIRD religion of the game! Are my foes all Spiritual? Gack, Isabella might be in this...

Sailing comes in on Turn 41. I'm a bit antsy, so I go with Archery just in case. The Warrior finishes and I go onto...a Galley. I have a plan.

"The Great Wall has been built in a far away land!"

Well, there goes that silly plan, but I'm still settling over there anyway. Galley whipped. Workers off to chop the other forest.

Archery comes in T46, 2160 BC. I'm going way too slow. Oh well. The Wheel is next. Workers done chopping, so they'll work on a Mine while I wait for the Wheel.

"Asoka adopts Slavery!" In 2080 BC? o.O

Settler finishes. Onto an Archer. Settler + Warrior loaded onto a Galley.

The Wheel comes in and so Pottery becomes the target goal(7T before city founding). Road work starts immedietely on hooking up ivory and then roading towards double gold.



That's Hamsterdam. And that's right: Right on the Stone! Stone will be useful and that hooks it up ASAP, in addition to giving it a bonus hammer at the start, and it can serve as a potential choke point. If I had an area with forest, I could try for the Pyramids, but alas...



Pericles? That's a surprise. Apparantly he founded Hinduism: He must have poipped Mysticism from a hut! Archer made and Settler begins: A Barbarian Archer approaches Hamsterdam, necessitating building military. Pottery in: Animal Husbandry now.

Funny enough, my military is a single turn late built to stop the Archer...but the Warrior inside holds and only loses half his health! He shall forever be known as Sir Victorious. I let the Warrior I was building finish anyway since it only has 1 turn to go.

The Barbarian assault begins. The Settler is whipped and Archer production begins. Technologically, I am quite behind...Asoka and Charlie have Alphabet!



El Dorado is founded. With it, my chokepoints to the south and north are secure, so Barbarians shouldn't be much trouble as long as I have Archers stationed there. Settling is going to be the hard part, even with normal barbs.

AH comes in and my gold runs out: Research down to 40% because of my two cities. I "speed" to Writing as fast as I can! My capital growing and adding commerce will help and I can hook that Gold up...



We will fight on the land and on the beaches and until your tanks crush me.

Writing is in at 900 BC, or T79. Let's start on Masonry for that Stone, then head to Alphabet.

Churchill proves the world is round before I can. Curse you and your immaculate top hat!

Workers flow out of my capital The Bunches so that I have a solid amount working the now safe land around it. I'm hoping to build Moai there.

My capital can build the Pyramids in 17 turns, starting T91. Here's hoping. I can chop down a forest to quicken it up...

Lolz, not even close, they're build on T94. It does let me put the chops towards the Moai and get some gold, though. Certainly not a total loss. Moai now comes in 8T. I have no idea what my win condition is, right now I'm just trying to survive.

Alphabet in. Brennus doesn't have it: Flip it for Iron Working because he has it part researched. Everyone else has it, but it is letting me head towards Currency, 11T using Pyramid-gold fueled deificet.



It turns out El Dorado holds more metal than mere gold...

Buddhism spreads in El Dorado. I do not adopt it...yet. 3 of my foes are Buddhist though, so SOON...



Behold, FOODTOPIA! Land of the rising food bar! I'll need to whip this so much.

Moai ends and I sacrifice a lot of production to run 2 Scientists, hoping to push something out in 15T. I figure an Academy or a possible tech pop to trade can keep me in this. In the meantime, an Archer will be built in preparation of more settling.



Right, SIX opponents. I hope he doesn't divide MY house...

Currency is in on T109. Market building quickly becomes a priority. I am able to flip it to Charlie for Math and Mysticism + 15g, but that's all. It does, however, open the door to a possible Science bulb past Math...

Asoka pops up and randomly gives me Construction! A cause for celebration!

Pericles becomes the first to Code of Laws, but I soldier on anyway, because he's the only one: I could trade it around and help my maintanence costs! Also turns out Brennus doesn't have Construction, but has partially researched it: Flip it for Meditation and 65 gold to burn through for high powered sciencing.

Nabi-Rimanni comes in and I instantly give him up for Compass! Trading time!

Construction to Churchill for Polytheism, Priesthood and 40G(Apparantly I missed this last turn)
Compass to Brennus for Horseback Riding and Monotheism
Compass to Pericles for Monarchy
Compass to Asoka for Aesthetics and 15g
Churchill refuses Compass AND Code of Laws for Metal Casting. Ass. I head towards a 5 turn Calender for I have Calender resources. Heriditary Rule is revolted too, giving me some nicely needed happiness.

The state of my world, 100 AD:



My capital, The Bunches, just finished crapping out a Great Scientist. Next is getting this Market out, then most likely going for yet another Scientist, possibly getting some happiness garrison in here. Monarchy is king. When Calender is up, I can hook up that Dye for extra perma-happy. With Bureau, this makes a decent hybrid capital, but it's land is too shaky for more than that. Moai helps a lot here, since I worked the water tiles when I had to get out that Scientist and they become useful as it gets bigger.



My second city is Hamsterdam. It's your basic fishing village, but it secured Stone for the Moai Statues and provides me a chokepoint if Charliemange backstabs me. It'll run some good commerce on Financial coast, but it's upside is limited. I wish it had two Grassland Hills over Plains, so I could put Windmills on them.



Here is El Dorado. Almost it's entire value comes from that gold it's running. It runs both on a food deficiet if it has enough food and I need it too. I really wish the grassland could atl east be farmed so I could run both golds.



Foodtopia is just what it sounds like: Triple food resources, not much else. I'm gonna run Specialists here since it's my only high food spot and whip it like it's going out of style.



Fin-ally, we have Desert Fish. It's a fishing village with fish. Only founded a bit ago. I founded it to add in an additional chokepoint to make it harder to get to my inner parts and because I could use more fishing commerce anyway. It won't amount to much, but given the difficulty and terrain I need to carve out everything I can.

The plan now is to maybe drive out and take over two barb cities I see, since I have Construction and Iron: One of them is Rice/Banana/Double Gems with grassland, so it'd be amazing, the other is decent. It'd also open up the space for 1 or 2 more cities. I need that space. It would also help my Power meter...



Not look THIS pathetic. I'm flatlining here!

...

And then I click "Next turn" and laugh, given what I just said...



Churchill declared too, but he hasn't sent any units my way. I have enough cash to upgrade 1 Warrior into an Axe and if I survive a turn, have one whipped out and upgrade the other, plus whip another out, so I might endure here. Still...I am likely to LOSE EVERYTHING.

He takes a turn to bombard! Whew. He's bringing in more Catapults, but that is still much more hopeful than before...

Two Axes attack and both lose! The forces, surprisingly, are routed...



I have 3 healthy Axes and am whipping another just in case, but I try to mount an assault. I stop when the first attack doesn't even scratch the Axe and hold for now, tense. I can build War Elephants, but they must manage to get here in time...

Brennus declares on Lincoln! World at war!

Hamsterdam fals, unfortunately, but is not razed...and without Spearmen in his army stack, I may be able to send two War Elephants over...

He has a Spearman in there now. But I can't really give up: He won't even talk to me anyway. All I can do is soldier on and build Catapults too.



Nope, my force lay battered, except this poor Catapult also dead. I'm hoping I can get a "favorable" peace deal (IE no citys given up) and build to the south and the northern wastes...perhaps I can eke out a Space victory(pfffyeahright). I'll need to think on this and take a break from the game. At least I lasted a lot longer than I expected: T132 and I only lost one city!

End Session 1, Reply Code: Banana Terracotta Pie.

Begin Session 2, Reply Code: Banana Templar Units Are Go

So, where...



...Were...



...We?

Right. The hopeless game. Oh well, I might as well play on at least a little. But I am basically just waiting to die a slow death. Maaaaaaybe I can bullshit a cultural victory.

Goals: Not die, research Calender, expand even i nto the crappy territory because I'm doing poorly territorially, hope to get a peace deal. LET'S GO.

Unsurprisingly, Charlie wants something for peace. Well fuck him.

Not much goes on for the next while. Research set to Feudalism because I need it to not die a horrible, painful death, inching along at a rate of 21 turns(Though it'll go down!), pulling out some infrastructure(since Charlie can outproduce me and he has WEs + Cats so I die at my tech level no matter how many Archers I shit out).

R144: Islam is founded. Still researching Feudalism.

With Feudalism coming in 5T(T53) and the barb city still having archers, I go to build a Barracks + Stable in my capital and crank out some Cats + WEs to take out this Barb city defended by 2 Archers on a hill(They'll probs be longbows by the time I get there is why I wanna build a decent force!)

Oh, I can get it in 4T at 70% exact breakeven. Sure, why not.

Brennus wants me to join in a war against the Americans. Yeah, we'll get riiiiiiight on that, give us 400 turns or so!

Charlie is marching a huge military force through Asoka's land, I think he can reach me. Let's go Longbow production then. I will still at least try to take that barb city, I swear...

Feudalism is in! I can get Civil Service in 10T at an 8 GPT deficiet, so I do so. My scouting Work Boat has also found the only land path from Charlie to me that I could not see before, so I park it there to keep an eye out.



Oh god, here it comes! Longbows whip gogogogo!



This is the kind of stuff I am forced to found. It's a fishing village so hey, it, uh, pays for itself.



Charlie's army appears! And to meet him, I have...uh...



...Cheese and crackers.

BUT...



(Sorry, I forgot to take a picture of the actual peace treaty!)

I managed to get peace from Charlie without getting rid of a city! It ONLY cost me 335 gold and 73 gold per turn!

Hilariously...



Charlie's army is stuck behind friendly lines, as it got booted right out of my territory and onto that ONE tile I don't control surrounded by my culture! Ooooh, didn't think that one through, did you Charlie my boy? Also note that I am making 3 GPT at 0% science. PROGRESS!

I sent the "army" of mine you saw to go and try take a city with 4 Archers on a hill. Hell, why not?

Charlemange is the first to discover Liberalism. Civil Service in only 17 more turns! : D



oh what. Churchill, why are you here? At least he didn't bring a lot. Even if my force of 2 Longbows + A Chariot dies on that hill, I can shit out Longbows for defense easily.

Aaaaaaand as soon as I get next to the barb city, BARB LONGBOWS. Like, seriously, the same turn. Hsadoif.

Fuck it, might as well try. Three suicide Catapults slam the city, bringing them in the 4 STR range, which is enough for my WE to get 65.9% odds(it dies anyway). LONGBOW VS. LONGBOW! Two die at coinflip odds and two live. But they're so injured, my WARRIOR has 75.9% odds on the Longbow! YOUR WARRIOR HAS DESTROYED A LONGBOW! There's only one left with 0.9 STR!

Next turn, Longbow attacks at 43.2% odds...



AND TAKES THE CITY! It's a moral victory, but a victory nonetheless. Suck it, barbarians! It's actually a really good city, with two Gems resources, Banana, Rice and Spices.

But now Churchill is heading for it! D: But I get peace for 70 gold with Churchill! >D If nothing else, I am surviving! I WILL SURVIVE. I WILL SURVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

I am also able to bump my research to get CS in 3T. Peace treaty with Charlemange ends, which means I get my 73 GPT back, so I can have a reasonable research rate again. CS in, on to Metal Casting in 4T for Forges. Unfortunately, the other barb city is taken by Charlie, but one out of two ain't bad, and it assure me another city or two. I have some Workers improving Circassian, which I have so allowed to keep it's barbaric name, so that's good too.

I decide to head towards Economics, maybe I can manage to get a Merchant naturally and pull off Sid's Sushi or...something. I also got a Great Spy, which I save for a Golden Age.

T186, I found Silk Spitter. Progress! Because I ALSO found Silver Dump! You will see both of these cities in a T200 city showoff. This brings me to a whole EIGHT CITIES! The fruit looms high, like uncomfortably placed underwear!

Christianity spreads to me. At least I have three religions now...the odds of cultural victory are still gratuitously low. Oh, right, cultural victory is disasbled, the victory screen helpfully reminds me. Uuuuuuuuuuuuum.

I might as well go for Sushi anyway. Pericles adopts State Property and Emancipation, but hey, I get Banking in 5Ts! *Snickers*

T200. Let's show off my empire!



My capital, The Bunches. It's still a very nice city and is pulling a lot of my civ's weight. It ended up having to be more production focused than commerce focused, but Moai water tiles + Dye means it ends up having decent commerce anyway.



El Dorado, founded only to get Gold, which is still pretty much all it's useful for. It is really a glorified fishing village, working some cottages and water tiles. I plan to get some Workers over here and put a Windmill on that hill so it can switch to it for the hammer.



Yet another fishing village, Desert Fish. There's nothing really to say about it. Gonna whip the Forge soon.



Foodtopia is my second based city, due to having a ton of food. It's working Merchant specialists for my pipe dream of getting Sid's Sushi and will add two more when a Grocer completes, though I wantthe Harbor I was working on to finish first. I'll probably whip the Grocer.



When it gets up and running, Circassian will probably be my second best city. Lush grassland, decent food and double gems! If I had been able to get here earlier, But it was so jungle choked that barbs just spammed themselves before I could think about it.



Silk Spitter is another pretty good city, though the number of plains leaves it, dissapointingly, merely a high quality fishing palace. The work boat will get it's population growing, anyway. And finally, the saddest city you will see in a civ game...



BEHOLD

SILVER DUMP

I'm not even going to say anything more. It can't get past Size 4 naturally.

Amazingly, I'm ahead of Brennus in score, because he only has 3 cities.

...Apparantly, Brennus doesn't have Banking. I swing it to him for Literature, Drama and 50 Gold. He also lacks Paper, which I get in 4T. BRENNUS BUDDY

I suppose it does make sense we would band together, being as we are 500-700 points behind the next worst civ. I am trying to sneak in the occassional military build, even if enemies will crush me if they attack, just to make my power not quite as pathetic. Paper is in, but Brennus seems to have it partially researched, so I only get 50 Gold for it. ...Oh, he capitulated to Lincoln. FFFFFFFFFFFF. But it doesn't seem to given him any techs, so yay!

Emancipation unhappiness grows. FFFFFF

Asoka becomes a vassal of Charlemange. Welp. Education comes in and I swing it to Brennus for Gunpowder and 10 Gold. Baby steps. Economics in 8. With Foodtopia's happiness cap reached, I hire an Engineer and four Merchants...



Perfect! 12T until probably a Merchant. Economics comes in, so now it's up to Corporations. I spring my Great Spy Golden Age so I can switch to Free Market for free and trade Economics to Brennus for...Philosophy. Hey, it gets me closer to Corporations, and the most expensive thing he would give me anyway is Theology. Also, since The Bunches has nothing else to build, I have it crank out Musketmen to raise my Power rating.

ewjujhuewbgh WHAT DO YOU MEAN BRENNUS' CULTURE STOLE FOODTOPIA'S CRAB. Cornelius Vanderbilt is born, at least. Unfortunately, Brennus/Asoka both have Nationalism by the time I get it, so no trades occur. Amazingly, Nationalism is actually a better economic tech for me than Beaureueueueue at this point! No upkeep + Barracks happiness to counter Emancipation! The ability to Draft is helpful too. Next up is Constitution. Alas, the Golden Age is over so soon...



It's better to be lucky than good! ™

"Churchill adopts State Property!" Oh land it is of thee, oh land of irony...

I get Constitution, but Asoka got it a long time ago and Brennus got it the same turn I did. : < Once again, no trades. Corporations in 6T, anyway.



Emperor Metalman? Is that you?

Corporations in. I trade it to Brennus for Optics and Theology plus 10 Gold and his World Map, Optics advancing my way to Medicine for Sid's Sushi. It also shows a surprising amount of unsettled land, though most of it is tundra-y and not worth settling due to distance. Some are, like, Double Fish or have Wines or stuff I do not have, though. Hmm. I also found the city of Gold Rush: It gets Fish, Clams and can work the Gold El Dorado can't. Churchill completes Rock 'n' Roll: Chemistry in one. Now we head up towards Printing Press. Churchill starts a Golden Age for good measure. At this point, Brennus/Asoka are teching as fast or faster than I, so tech trades are pretty much nonexistant. My capital continues to crap out Muskets while my foes have Infantry. T261 Scientific Method is in, head towards Biology in 10T. Apparantly almost nobody has it? Pericles completes the Apollo Program. The end times near! Call the marines, the army, the navy, the coast guard, the boy scouts! (I still don't have Emancipation)



Charlemange declares war on me, the dick. He must have feared we were becoming too advanced! He has Infantry while I have Muskets and I feel no great want to go through that. And so, Kuro van Banana retires to his luxurious yellow island off the coast of The Bunches and lives a happy retired life while his people burn in 1790 AD. As you can see, my score was catching up to Asoka.



The tech screen. I was almost certainly going to get a good haul for Biology, anyway. Medicine was going to take 18T to research.

Offical Retiring Date: 1790 AD
Final In-Game Score: 1588
# of Cities: 9
# of Cities Lost: 1
GNP: 6th
PROD: 6th
FOOD: 3rd (???????)
Soldiers: 7th
World Wonders built: None
Most Built Unit: Musketman (12)
Most Built Building: Library and Lighthouse (9)
Time Played: 5 hours 16 minutes

Thanks for the game, RB! I was playing way above my head, but it was actually pretty fun trying to beeline Sid's Sushi and I was laughing when YOUR WARRIOR HAS DEFEATED A LONGBOWMAN. I hope my report is enjoyable.

[Kuro]

Also, I meant to include this at the end of the report, but I was literally a single image over the max image per post limit. So here it is.

[Compromise]

That was a fun report, Kuro.

The religions sure did fall differently in your world. Three Buddhist nations? Asoka without a religion when Buddhist Charlemagne attacked your stone city?!

Good thing you brought that warrior to assault the barb city that showed up in exactly the same spot in everyone's game.

[T-hawk]

Yeah, doesn't matter if you win if the report is that entertaining.

Bad luck on Charlemagne attacking when he did. You probably contributed to your doom by settling that stone city - I bet Charlemagne doesn't attack either time if you don't have that city within walking distance from his territory - but you couldn't know that ahead of time of course.

Did you realize that the double gold city would never have the food to work both gold? The cow is only +1 surplus and the city couldn't ever have any more until after Biology/food corp. Much better to split those golds with the food-heavy areas to the west. "Such early commerce is unlikely to come from anywhere else" -- you were Financial, that commerce could have come from growing onto three coast tiles.

I got exactly the same RNG results as you, from those two huts, and up to a barbarian city in the exact same spot by the gems. Moai early at the capital was the right move there.

Nabi-Rimanni comes in and I instantly give him up for Compass! Trading time!

That's a move I've never seen before. The standard bulb-to-trade target is Philosophy, which is twice as valuable as Compass... did you have any chance of getting there?

I managed to get peace from Charlie without getting rid of a city! It ONLY cost me 335 gold and 73 gold per turn!

That is also a new move. But it very well might have been right.

I WILL SURVIVE. I WILL SURVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Yup, that's exactly what the map was designed for. The AIs won't invade by ship, they'll walk instead, giving you dozens of turns until any incoming stack actually reached a city.

I also got a Great Spy

How? You ran a spy specialist? Were you trying to use the EP for stealing at all?

Emancipation unhappiness grows. FFFFFF

Yeah, that can be a serious problem on Deity. I've never liked that mechanic; it's a heavy handed dose of realism that nobody runs Slavery or Serfdom or Caste System in the modern real world. I wish the mechanic could be a bit more tolerant of civs way behind in tech, but then that would introduce gamey responses like avoiding Constitution on purpose to reduce anger.

Amazingly, Nationalism is actually a better economic tech for me than Beaureueueueue at this point!

That can happen indeed for larger empires and when the capital isn't particularly explosive. Of course, the other half of that story is putting Nationalism's +25% EP to use. Go steal some techs.

FOOD: 3rd (???????)

Yes. The map was selected for that - the player had lots of expansion room because Brennus and Pericles wouldn't cross the water to their east. You weren't out of the game at all; Sid's Sushi could have turned that into first place on food, and Dikes would have come to the top on production. If you could have held against that last incoming invasion (but I understand not wanting to try), a space win was still possible.

[Kuro]

I got the Great Spy because the AI assigned a Spy specialist for, like, 2 or 3 turns when the city grew and once or twiced I missed it, so I got one at like 5% or something odds, heh.

IIRC, I didn't have a chance of Philo, but I'd have to go back to the save to know. As for the Charlie peace thing...it was either that or lose a city and with the low amount of cities I had it wasn't worthwhile to keep the city. As for the double gold, I actually only realized it later. XD As for holding against the invasion...Charlie had stacks of Infantry running around and I had Musketmen, so I don't think I was surviving, even if it took him 20 turns to march on me I'd only maybe get Rifles to meet him.