(June 22nd, 2014, 00:38)Qgqqqqq Wrote: Again, great work! I will suggest just one revision.
Sure; I only selected Varn Gosam because of the reference to sands and desert, and agree we could do better, but it needs to scan (stresses, not syllables) and rhyme with "...these deathless things" - so taking advantage of a certain poetic device much in use by real-life faiths, I would instead suggest:
Quote:"My name is Camulos, the King of kings:
(I wanted to use an actual Titan's name, but the only reference to one in FfH ... is the Wonder itself.)