Gamebooks (Choose Your Own Adventure Style)

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Choose Your Own Adventure:  Hijacked! Alternate Endings Part 13


Will we fare better when we surrender to the Gloveville police in CHOICE #14.  Jason tells them that we were escaping hijackers, but one officer says "So that's what they told you, eh?  If I were you, I'd get out of here fast, before we run you in for aiding fugitives".  Sally yells at Jason that the Gloveville police are lying, and he knows it because he's read the newspaper.


"The back of the patrol car is like a cage, with a steel grill in front and no door handles on the inside.  'How much do you think they told that guy?' you hear the driver say as he heads back toward Gloveville.  'Probably not much, but we'll take the usual precautions', the other officer says.


'You won't get away with this', you holler through the partition.  'Jason will report you to the police.'  'We are the police', the driver says.  'You're also in with the hijackers', you say.  'Keep quiet back there!'  Half an hour later, the squad car arrives back at the police station in Gloveville.  The officers drag the two of you out of the car and into the station.


'These two are to be put in solitary.  They're to speak with no one-and I mean no one', one of the policemen says to another officer inside.  'They may look harmless, but they're really mad dogs'.  From your windowless cell, you and Sally can only hope that Jason will bring back some police from the next town who will be able to help you.  THE END".


Only Gaddafi could be a proper Mad Dog!


Jason competes with Bob for the prize of "Most Useless Companion" in Hijacked.  Bob's escape attempt in CHOICE #9 ends with you brainwashed or at least captured.  You're doomed to an Inconclusive Ending at best with Jason as soon as you're introduced to him in CHOICE #13.  Jimmy by contrast is the best companion in CYOA history:  he gives you a Good Ending whether you go with him on the seaplane or wait for him to pick you up.


Results So Far


5 Good Endings

5 Deaths

2 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

2 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Choose Your Own Adventure:  Hijacked! Alternate Endings Part 14


Sally's intuition about Jason is right, even if he isn't actually an IFF member.  So let's sneak through the woods instead in CHOICE #13.  What Sally wants most is breakfast and a hot shower, which she deserves after being drafted into a CYOA plot.  She thinks there might at least be a stream to bathe in.  We soon notice an arch of tree branches that's low to the ground.  "A tunnel for midgets, perhaps', Sally says, walking with her head bent down.  'Or for some kind of animal".  If we run panicking from a chorus of "Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work we go!", it may dethrone Drill Sergeant Flipper as the funniest moment in a gamebook.


I point out that if animals made this, they'd also have to place the paving stones on the ground.  It seems Sally's first guess is correct, because the picture shows what looks like a very short man with a long beard.  His house has "a sharply peaked roof and is decorated all over with brightly painted wooden scrollwork".  It does look like something out of Grimm's Fairy Tales.  Sally tells him we escaped from hijackers, whom the man calls "miserable underground varmints".  I like him already!


He calls himself Thur, short for Thurman Oliver Throckmorton.  He doesn't seem to mind the gawking:  "As you can see, I'm a midget.  Oh, don't worry, I'm used to being stared at.  I worked in the circus and the movies at one time.  When I retired and moved to Gloveville, I had this house built to my own specifications".  He appreciates when children visit, and gives us hot cereal.


CHOICE #15 is whether to trust Thur and go through the trapdoor to the caverns under his house on Page 66, or leave Thur and continue walking on Page 74.  I have to save the Thur ending for last because it would make a perfect FINALE.


I don't think we should revisit the caverns, and Thur warns us not to trust the Gloveville cops:  "Some of them are in cahoots with the cavern people".  Gloveville is 5 miles away, and Sally thinks we should pass through on Page 111 in CHOICE #16.  The alternative is to follow my character's instinct and move in the opposite direction on Page 115.


A regular car with a "middle-aged man in a business suit" and a woman "wearing a print dress" stops to pick us up on the way to Gloveville.  They say they're going to Denver, and the woman hands us some drugged lemonade.  Remember the poisoned Coca-Cola from La Prisión?  The IFF really was trained by ARTUS. 


"When you wake up, you look around and see lots of sand and palm trees.  A group of figures-dressed in the same khaki uniforms as the people in the cavern-are bending over you.  'Where. . .where am I?' you ask.  'Welcome to the island headquarters of IFF', one of the men says.  'We know you will like it here.'  THE END".


Now Jimmy can fly us out of here!  Or at least we can eat free doughnuts.  The odds for surviving the island in this book are much better than the continental United States.  I'll still count it as a Bad Non-Death Ending.


Results So Far


5 Good Endings

5 Deaths

3 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

2 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Choose Your Own Adventure:  Hijacked! Alternate Endings Part 15


We march for an hour in the direction opposite of Gloveville after CHOICE #16 until a truck driver offers us a ride.  He decides to take us to an airport several miles way managed by a friend named Smitty.  He tells us to mention his name to Smitty and gives us a note.


At the airport, we see hypnotized Buzzy Hargrove and Mrs. Wilson!  I was wondering if I'd ever see them again, and only one ending before the FINALE.  The illustration shows them looking in our direction and led away by two men in the IFF uniforms.  My character has his hand on Sally's shoulder as she's about to open a door below a sign that says AIRPORT ADMINISTRATION.


"You and Sally dash into the administration building at once.  A man is standing there by the watercooler.  'Do you know where I can find Smitty?' you ask him.  'That's me', the man says.  You hand him the note from the truck driver.  'Why sure, I'd be glad to-' he starts.  'Right now, there's a bigger problem', Sally says.  'Two people we know are being kidnapped outside'.


'Kidnapped?  Are you sure?  I thought something was fishy with those two men out there', Smitty says, opening a desk drawer and taking out a revolver.  'Wait right here'.  He runs out, bringing back the kidnappers at gunpoint.  Mrs. Wilson and Buzzy Hargrove are smiling broadly.  They sure are glad to see you and Sally.  'Now I'll call the police', Smitty says, picking up the phone.  'I'm still not sure what this is all about'.


'It's all part of a school bus hijacking', Sally says.  'The one on the news!?' Smitty exclaims.  'That's right', you say.  'And I'm sure the news has only reported half of it.  Just wait.  Have we got a story to tell.  THE END".


This is the only Good Ending where Buzzy and Mrs. Wilson are confirmed to be rescued.  No picture on the final page, but there is one leading up to the ending that I had described earlier.



Results So Far


6 Good Endings

5 Deaths

3 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

2 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Choose Your Own Adventure:  Hijacked! FINALE


The only suitable FINALE for this book is to follow Thurman Oliver Throckmorton into the IFF caverns.  He warns us not to show our faces as we listen to a conversation in the amphitheater:  "We of the International Fighters for Freedom must show no mercy to the enemies of the revolution.  They must be eliminated. . ."  Once again they talk more like Maoists than fascists.  We hear footsteps nearby.


"We've been discovered!  Quick, through here!' Thur exclaims.  He disappears into a small, semicircular opening cut into the base of the side wall.  Sally follows him on her hands and knees, with you right behind her.  You are halfway through the opening when someone grabs your ankle and drags you back out.  In seconds several men have your hands and feet tied and are carrying you off.  It's the last you see of Sally and the strange midget named Thur.  THE END".


Thur doesn't betray us, but taking his unnecessary risk leads to Death.  It must be Death given Carlos's speech.


Out of twelve endings on Sally's path, only three lead to a Good Ending.  (25% success)

-Waiting at the pool after fording the stream in the cavern
-Going to the police station in Gloveville after Miss Binnie Atwater warns you not to
-Visiting Thur's house, then declining his offer and walking far away from Gloveville


In comparison, there are two ways to lose in Dan's path out of five total, and both require you to take the obviously wrong decision.  (60% success)

-Eating the suspicious fruit instead of waiting for Jimmy
-Surrendering to the IFF after Lania rows you close to Pine Island


If you're kidnapped by a CYOA terrorist organization and they give you the CHOICE between a tropical island and a Colorado cavern, always pick the island!  That route is more fair, while both the Good Endings and the failures can be arbitrary when spelunking.


I got two more Choose Your Own Adventure books from the original Thriftbooks order.  I'll do those next, though I may experiment with other series afterwards if they're available.



Final Results


6 Good Endings

6 Deaths

3 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

2 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Choose Your Own Adventure:  Hijacked! CHOICE Map
 
CHOICE #1, Page 113 (1-3, 9)
-Obey hijackers with Dan, Page 75, 21, 91, 26, 81, 44:  Go to CHOICE #2 (CLEAR)
-Hide under bus with Sally, Page 4, 67, 76, 7, 14:  Go to CHOICE #6 (CLEAR)
 
CHOICE #2, Page 44
-Trust Lania, Page 83, 35, 86-87, 42-43:  Go to CHOICE #5 (CLEAR)
-Don’t trust Lania, Page 93, 48-49:  Go to CHOICE #3 (CLEAR)
 
CHOICE #3, Page 49
-Go to seaplane with Jimmy, Page 102, 112, 107:  GOOD ENDING (CLEAR, accidentally shoot down IFF helicopter, Coast Guard rescues other kids)
-Refuse to go with Jimmy, Page 104, 17:  Go to CHOICE #4 (CLEAR)
 
CHOICE #4, Page 17
-Stay close to shore, Page 109:  GOOD ENDING (CLEAR, Jimmy and Coast Guard rescue you just as you’re about to give up and return to IFF’s camp)
-Eat fruit deeper in the jungle, Page 31, 51:  DEATH (CLEAR, fruit that tastes like lime + kiwi is poisonous, glassy eyes and paralysis)
 
CHOICE #5, Page 43
-Swim for Pine Island shore, Page 71, 110:  GOOD ENDING (CLEAR, use tourists as human shield, helicopter refuses to shoot them and flies away, report to police on Pine Island)
-Surrender to helicopter, Page 98:  DEATH (CLEAR, shoved out of helicopter 1000 feet above water)
 
CHOICE #6, Page 14
-Sneak by guard, Page 60, 12, 68, 16:  Go to CHOICE #11 (CLEAR)
-Go further into cavern, Page 37:  Go to CHOICE #7 (CLEAR)
 
CHOICE #7, Page 37
-Left, Page 89, 100:  Go to CHOICE #8 (CLEAR)
-Right, Page 73:  DEATH (CLEAR, tossed into pit by IFF leader and henchmen in natural amphitheater)
 
CHOICE #8, Page 100
-Follow ledge, Page 77, 58:  DEATH (CLEAR, trapped in a room and drown when waters rise)
-Ford stream, Page 40, 96-97, 33, 46:  Go to CHOICE #9 (CLEAR)
 
CHOICE #9, Page 46
-Escape with Bob, Page 82, 94:  Go to CHOICE #10 (CLEAR)
-Wait for it, Page 78:  GOOD ENDING (CLEAR, rescued months later by FBI, say you’re tired of eating fish)
 
CHOICE #10, Page 53
-Pretend to join IFF, Page 6:  BAD ENDING (CLEAR, join IFF for real, fascist leader Carlos hypnotizes you with scepter)
-Don’t trust Dr. Cranshaw, Page 116:  INCONCLUSIVE ENDING (CLEAR, held indefinitely in IFF cavern, small hope of escape)
 
CHOICE #11, Page 16
-Go to town, Page 56, 108:  Go to CHOICE #12 (CLEAR)
-Go to the woods, Page 105, 20, 84:  Go to CHOICE #13 (CLEAR)
 
CHOICE #12, Page 108
-Police station, Page 10-11, 39:  GOOD ENDING (CLEAR, put into holding cell by IFF agent cop who wants  make your death look like suicide, but state police save you)
-Side street, Page 57, 19:  DEATH (CLEAR, hitchhike with someone who’s really an IFF agent, Sally is brainwashed and orders your execution)
 
CHOICE #13, Page 84
-Reveal yourselves to camper, Page 22-23, 80, 24, 32:  Go to CHOICE #14 (CLEAR)
-Hide from camper, Page 64-65, 29, 36, 13:  Go to CHOICE #15 (CLEAR)
 
CHOICE #14, Page 32
-Run from cops with Jason, Page 63, 70, 27, 88, 30, 61:  BAD ENDING (CLEAR, make it to Denver and given an isolated farmhouse by FBI, only to be chloroformed and captured by IFF)
-Too dangerous to escape, Page 38, 50:  INCONCLUSIVE ENDING (CLEAR, held in solitary confinement with Sally, hope Jason will send other police to Gloveville)
 
CHOICE #15, Page 13
-Return to caverns, Page 66, 92:  DEATH (CLEAR, Carlos makes speech, dragged off by IFF as Thur and Sally escape)
-Leave Thur, Page 74: Go to CHOICE #16 (CLEAR)
 
CHOICE #16, Page 74
-Pass through Gloveville, Page 111, 45:  BAD ENDING (CLEAR, drugged lemonade and wake up on IFF island)
-Opposite direction from Gloveville, Page 115:  GOOD ENDING (CLEAR, go to airport and rescue hypnotized Buzzy and Mrs. Wilson)

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Choose Your Own Adventure:  The Perfect Planet Part 1


My readers probably figured out I was going to review this one when I mentioned it in the Through the Black Hole playthrough.  Choose Your Own Adventure #80 from 1988 is another space adventure from Edward Packard.  The hype in the title makes me immediately think planet Utopa is a dystopia.  The cover shows a blond blue-eyed boy running from a flying saucer with a red "eye" pointing a spotlight at him.  An alien that looks like a green goblin with bulging red eyes, thick eyebrows, pointy ears, and claws is either following or pursuing our hero.  The landscape looks like a forest with ferns and trees under a blue and golden sky.


The Perfect Planet comes with a HISTORICAL NOTE, which I will type in full:


"This book could not have been written had it not been for the courageous pioneering work of Spencer Compton, who discovered Utopa, the perfect planet, while on a mission for the Federation.  It was Compton who first observed the grave troubles that arose on Utopa, and it was his report that led Federation Command to send you to investigate.  That story-your story-is described in the pages that follow.  As for Spencer Compton, he has been assigned by Federation Command to the University of Colorado, where he is carrying out advanced studies of the planet Earth."


Is Colorado going to be a recurring state in these Choose Your Own Adventure stories, like Maine in Stephen King novels?  Colorado was the setting of Hijacked!. 


It would be funny if I could challenge the Utopans to a Platonic philosophical debate with the question "What is perfection?", but that's unlikely to occur.


I start the book "on routine patrol in the Deneb sector".  This ends when Federation Command gives me orders on a red monitor.  Utopa, the 5th planet of the Achnar system, is "experiencing habitat unrest".  What makes that different from any other kind of unrest?  Mike Tanner, another scout, will meet me when he arrives.


My character loathes any "social-adjustment mission" because it would interfere with the Prime Directive, Underdeveloped Planet Preservation Pact, or whatever you want to call that science fiction cliche.  Most of the time, I fly solo and solve problems in "troubled planets in neighboring star systems". 


(If you want to read a good novel about well-intentioned people failing to make a society progress the way they want it to, try Hard to be a God by the Strugatsky brothers.) 


Now we learn why Utopa is considered perfect:  it's noted for having peaceful natives, a great climate, fertile soil, and spectacular mountains, lakes, and rivers.  The Perfect Planet suffers from Hijacked! page flipping, since I have to go from Page 1 to 39 instead of 2 for no reason I can figure out.  It's a flashback to my time in Space Academy.  Don't know if this book is a sequel to Through the Black Hole, or whether the Federation and Space Academy references are supposed to be generic.


The Perfect Planet, however, is related to many other Edward Packard CYOAs that I haven't covered.  Why?  The professor is Nera Vivaldi the "astrovivologist".  Guess that we're too advanced to call them biologists in the future.  Nera Vivaldi asks me to imagine a perfect planet.  My response?


"Well, I suppose it would be a planet like Earth, except that the people there would always be peaceful and wouldn't pollute the environment".  Nera Vivaldi brings up the ethics of the food chain:  "How do you think a zebra feels when a lion is chasing it?"  I'm forced to admit that the zebra wouldn't think Earth is perfect.  My classmates laugh at me, but my readers would laugh at the giant collars on their clothes and the primitive looking keypads on their desk chairs.  They still use chalk in the future, as Dr. Vivaldi taps it on the desk.


I ask whether any planet could be perfect, and Nera Vivaldi says  "Indeed, there could be. . .and is.  Its name is Utopa".  Well, at least it won't have any Space Vampires.  Even if all the animals are herbivores, plants can still have a kind of awareness (e.g. Mimosa Pudica's "memory" of being dropped repeatedly, or Boquila Trifoliolata imitating the leaves of a plastic plant).


The star Achnar is in the Gallatin quadrant.  Utopa itself is 2/3 of Earth's size, meaning that "perfect" means low gravity to humans.  It's also tidally locked to Achnar, and the day side has a crescent shaped continent.  Achnar is not as bright as our sun, so temperatures never get too hot.  There is land on the night side, but the computer claims it's uninhabited.  (Let me guess, the villain lives there.)  Some "perfect" planet if half of it is frozen.  The ocean water is fresh, and all animals are mammals.  The only food on Utopa is called "slaif".


No special experimental spaceship like the Athena for me:  all I get is a "standard-issue A-3 scout".  The computer tells me that slaif is a delicious and nutritious plant with red roots.  Mumpa beasts, which are as big as Earth elephants, dig up the plant, and then the Utopans remove the "toxic slaif skins" with their claws.  The Utopans feed the slaif to animals, which makes me wonder out-of-character how they managed to survive before humanoids evolved.      


"Utopa is the only planet that has never experienced hunger, disaster, suffering, or war".  Uh. . .Utopans still die, right?  That would probably count as suffering.  The trouble started when Utopans had ceased to prepare slaif, making the animals become hostile and causing a famine.


Two mumpa beasts charge at my spaceship and destroy the fuel lines.  The animals look like tall brown-eyed bulls with curved tusks, and these are emaciated enough that I can see their ribs.  Shortly afterwards, both my ship and the mumba beasts are destroyed in a "tremendous explosion".


CHOICE #1 is to look at the wreckage on Page 10, or look for Utopans on Page 36.  I was confused when I saw this, because the back of the book seems to have a different CHOICE #1:  orbit Utopa on Page 53, or explore the surface on Page 32.  Could the back of The Perfect Planet have fake spoilers just to mess with readers?  To get to the real CHOICE #1, I had to visit the following pages:  1, 39, 17, 5, 8, 44.

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Choose Your Own Adventure:  The Perfect Planet Part 2


Like any good RPG player, I decide to search the wreckage for loot.  It pays off when I find my radio transmitter and talk to Mike Tanner and inform him that I'm on the Green River.  All I hear is "I'll try to land near the mouth of. . .".  Green River is meant to be taken literally.  I see a trail a few hundred yards away, and CHOICE #2 is to go upstream on Page 13 or downstream on Page 28.  Edward Packard wasn't cruel enough to make it North vs. South, as the Colorado River flows north-to-south and the Nile flows south-to-north.


Since I have more reading comprehension than María José failing to interpret pregnancy test instructions in Silvana Sin Lana, I walk downstream.  All trees have "feathery leaves" that are either blue-green or gold.  Marsh grass is common too, and starving deerlike animals gaze at me with "imploring eyes".  The sand is densely packed near the sea, and I notice a flying saucer that looks like Mike Tanner's vessel. 


Mike is a better pilot than I since no wildlife totals his ship when he lands.  He flew over an abandoned Utopan village, and he thinks the natives are hidden in caves or the woods.  The CHOICE mentioned on the back of the book is actually #3 in this playthrough:  scout Utopa from orbit on Page 56, or scout on foot on Page 32.  We don't have enough fuel to fly Mike's ship in the atmosphere.  I personally want to look at Utopa from space, since for all we know there's an Evil Power Master on the night side.


I act as a substitute copilot for Mike.  Normally a Starthinker computer would assume that role, but "human thought and judgment are needed more than high-speed electronics now".  What no one mentions is that placing Starthinker on standby likely saves fuel.  We take off just before another herd of mumpa beasts charges at the ship.  At altitude 10,000, I order Mike to turn off the thruster.  Why? 


"The object is ovoid shaped, perhaps twenty meters long, and has the appearance of a human eye.  But not an ordinary eye.  Its proportions are distorted, as if reflected in a bent mirror.  It's a horrifying and disturbing sight". 


Maybe it's the spaceship that chases me on the cover?  Mike realizes that Utopans don't have aircraft, so it must be alien.  My character says "It's a manifestation of an ancient curse.  The evil eye has appeared on many planets, including Earth.  Each time it assumes a different form.  But in every case there's an eye so evil that to look at it is to be cursed.  Much has been written about this in Dr. Vivaldi's book The History of Darkness on Earth".


My character's opinion may seem odd, but then again this is a setting where Space Vampires exist.  I remember reading about the evil eye in an Arabian Nights story, where one boy is secluded in his house for many years in order to avoid its gaze.  CHOICE #4 is whether to try to shoot the evil eye on Page 3 like Mike wants, or to be more cautious on Page 40.  The evil eye probably has either magic or technology more powerful than our cheap scout ship!

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Choose Your Own Adventure:  The Perfect Planet Part 3


Good thing I didn't shoot in CHOICE #4:  a gray disk is on a collision course with Mike's ship, and it's not with the Federation.  I think they have more advanced technology, but it's hinted that they may want to talk to us since they haven't attacked us yet.  CHOICE #5 is whether to let the gray disk draw near on Page 48, or to dodge it on Page 31.  I don't trust them. . .


"Let's get out of here', you say.  Mike ignites thrusters, setting the Scout into a deep dive.  His face is red from the g-forces pressing on his body.  He speaks through tightly clenched teeth.  'We're more maneuverable at low altitudes.  We'll slip into a river valley and hide under the canopy of foliage.'


A laser blast jolts the Scout.  The ship shivers, tumbles, and goes into a spin you know it was never designed to perform.  You have time to get off one last message to Federation Command:  'Beware of the Perfect Planet'.  THE END".


My CANONICAL ENDING is getting shot down by a superior alien spacecraft.  I'll have to compliment Packard on making CHOICE #5 difficult, since it seems like trying to talk to the villains could go either well or horribly.  As a pilot, Mike is no Jimmy.


EDIT:  Forgot to put in the endings count earlier.


Results So Far


0 Good Endings

1 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Choose Your Own Adventure:  The Perfect Planet Alternate Endings Part 1


Let's see what the villains have to say after CHOICE #5.  Shooting at the gray disk would have been futile because it's equipped with a green "anti-photon shield".  A panel on the gray disk opens, and we're pulled into the alien ship.  The power on the Scout is out due to "ion neutralization", which is merely theoretical in Federation science.    


Anaesthetic gas knocks us out, and we come to in a padded cell.  These aliens are definitely not Utopans when they look like bipedal cats with "cold, lifeless expressions" on their faces.  Their leader Kodor introduces himself as "regent of the galaxy".  Not king or emperor?  Is there a child cat-person who's the official monarch?  Kodor waves his claws and gives us an electric shock.  "You needn't tell me who you are.  I know everything".


When Mike asks what Kodor wants, he receives another electric shock.  It's customary for villains to give their motives as monologues, after all.  Kodor smiles when I tell him how advanced his people's technology is, and he says he will soon conquer the Federation of Planets.  We're still alive because we're useful as hostages. 


Mike gives me a hand signal with the thumb and index finger of the left hand in a circle (the OK sign?).  That's the gesture for Procedure 87, i.e. the Vulcan neck pinch.  Yes, that's really what it is:  "You pretend to have a seizure, distracting the guards.  Then Mike catapults himself forward, seizes Kodor and presses the carotid nerve in his neck.  As Kodor slumps forward, Mike clasps him from behind, protecting himself from being fired upon".


CHOICE #6 is whether to carry out the Star Trek attack on Page 35, or decide that a cat man probably has better reflexes than a human on Page 58.


The picture on Pages 34-35 are enough to justify Procedure 87.  My character looks like they're grabbing the head with the left hand and the neck with the right hand.  Is that how you feign a seizure?  Meanwhile, Mike is rushing at Kodor on the throne with his hand outstretched.  "You turn to look only when you hear the tyrant's scream".


My hunch was right that the cats are faster than Earthlings.  And Kodor did imply that he could read our minds in his speech. 


"But then, in a flash of images, you see Kodor ducking to the ground, Mike groping with his fingers, the guards firing, and Mike disappearing in a cloud of vapor!  A second later one of the guards seizes you.  In a flash you realize what went wrong:  Mike forgot-and you did too-that Kodor is not a human, but a hominoid alien.  Unlike humans, hominoids have no carotid nerve!


Before you begin to imagine what will happen to you, Kodor instructs the guards:  'Dispose of the other Earthling.  Now!'  THE END".


Results So Far


0 Good Endings

2 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Choose Your Own Adventure:  The Perfect Planet Alternate Endings Part 2


When we stay still in CHOICE #6, Kodor smiles and starts to explain his evil plan.  He tries to avoid doing physical harm to any planet he conquers, since after all it'll be his property.  He could easily eliminate the Utopans and the wildlife with his spaceship, but he prefers siege tactics.  The evil eye ships don't attack, but just fly around and scare the Utopans into hiding in caves.  Without the Utopans to feed them, the animals starve to death.  Utopans are frightened of the evil eye because in their mythology one-eyed birds killed them with one glance in ancient times.


Earthlings don't have a single culture over the entire planet, so Kodor can't use a universal threat like the evil eye on them.  He knows this since he's scouted Earth with his monitors.  When we tell him that Earth is well armed, Kodor scoffs "Our technology is far superior".  He wants us to give propaganda videotapes about his military to Earth in order to make humanity surrender.  "Because you are a person whose loyalty to Earth could never be in doubt, they will believe you"  Otherwise he'll invade.  Apparently this is a future without livestreaming, or even DVDs.


The page flipping gets weird again:  58-59, 108, and only then 60.  In a burst of patriotic fervor, our hero shouts "On Earth, the greater the conqueror, the more terrible is his defeat!"  Kodor turns purple and says the stock phrase "Wha. . .?  How can this be?"  In telenovelas, characters often yell "¡No puede ser!", so it's not exclusive to English language fiction.  Kodor assumes I'm lying and shocks me again.


My character tells Kodor what happened to "Ask your computers about the greatest conquerors in Earth's history.  Ask about Alexander the Great, Caesar, Napoleon, Hitler!"  Presumably I omitted Genghis Khan because he would have given Kodor a hopeful example.  Kodor orders his guards to imprison us.


A few hours later, Kodor wants to talk to us.  "His purplish face looks thinner and older.  The regent of the galaxy looks strangely vulnerable".  Kodor admits I was right, and gives the cause of defeat for each conqueror:  Alexander fell to "bacteria", Julius Caesar was "stabbed to death by his closest friend", Napoeon "no sooner conquered all of Europe than most of his army died of cold and starvation", and Hitler "failed to break the will of the peaceful people of the world, and he shot himself in a dusty cellar".


"Kodor heaves an enormous sigh.  'I just do not understand it-but I am a supremely logical creature and therefore I must accept the fact that conquering Earth is unwise.'  You're more than pleased to hear this, and inspired to say more:  'If you're supremely logical, Kodor, why are you conquering Utopa?'


'No harm will come to me if I conquer Utopa', Kodor says testily.  'And I need seven hundred slaif plants for my space station.'  'But you don't need to kill for that', you exclaim.  'There's plenty of slaif to spare on the planet.  The Utopans have always lived peacefully with other creatures on their planet.  They'd be glad to let you have all the slaif you need for your space station!'


Kodor looks around, obviously puzzled.  'Hmm. . .If what you say is true, then it would be illogical to conquer the planet.'  'Therefore, I'm sure you won't ', you reply, 'Because, as you said, you're supremely logical.'  Kodor looks at you intently with his great, gaping eyes.  'You have spoken well, Earthling.'  Turning to a lieutenant he says, 'Remove the eye ships from the planet of Utopa.  Send an ambassador to the Utopans to arrange for our getting the slaif we need for our space station.'


'You've acted wisely, Kodor', you say.  'Now, once again, Utopa will be the perfect planet.  THE END".


My character must have a high Charisma or Speech score.


Wait.  So far the narration hasn't mentioned the effects of slaif on alien species.  For all we know, it's poisonous to humans and cat people.


Results So Far


1 Good Endings

2 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings