[Spoilers] Defining the phrase "€˜Hung Like a Horse"€™: Pb & the Kuriotates

[pocketbeetle]

Veez’s Grand Masterplan (#1):

The Kuriotates kingdom has been roiled by political turmoil recently.
The powerful Centaur Noble lobby, on learning of their Nation’s involvement in SarelnGate, have demanded the head of the Foreign Diplomatic Corps, a mysterious Ratman known only as 00Veezheesumuunuun.
And when they say head, they don’t mean with body optionally attached.

For Veezheesumuunuun, who collects death threats like others collect socks (he keeps a drawer with all the best ones), business has continued as normal.
Recently however, dead mice have started appearing in his personal stores of cheese.
The Palace also suddenly seems awash with cats… BIG cats, bought just this week from some far-flung foreign zoo.
Ever alert and wise, he sensed that maybe his Lordship was not the happiest of Boy-Kings at this particular time, and decided to act before the hints grew more…pointed.

Long nights spent scratching at the problem under the light of a single (nibbled) candle bore little fruit. The Dwarves appeared doomed, the Illians seemed determined to wipe them out to the last beard.
Until one day, the solution hit him so hard that he just stopped, staring rat-eyed into space for several minutes.
Of their own volition, his feet began to caper a small jig, evolving into a full blown tango with a stunned Kindred who had had the misfortune of walking past at that very moment.

It was crazily risky, it was insanely evil, it could blow up in his face and get him really dead…

…but it could also work.

So began Veez’s Grand Masterplan (#1).

”I have a plan so cunning, you could put a tail on it and call it a weasel.”

Veez’s grand plot will be unveiled slowly as it develops.
I will be updating this post after every turn update, so check back often.
A chocolate chip cookie will be awarded to the first person to correctly and fully guess the extent of Veez’s masterplan, try to include the details.
If you don’t want to spoil it for yourself, I suggest avoiding checking the other threads for a couple of days (it won’t last too long, roughly four days at the current rate of 2t/day if successful).

Understand, that I am both attracted and repulsed by Veezheesumuunuun’s plan; this is some seriously soul-staining stuff going on.
To give you an idea, this plan is so evil, that if Veez manages to pull it off, there is a chance that Krill will be posting in this thread using the emoticon and claiming that Veez is more evil that him.
Yes, it’s that bad.

Let us begin. =)


The Beginning:

Pb’s journal, Day 1:
I received a note from Veezheesumuunuun requesting that I enquire into Sareln Kanothlyn’s future religious plans, particularly regarding the Fellowship of Leaves religion. Early intelligence had indicated he might head for this…ahem..branch, but the awful massacre at Thariss and the Svartalfar’s subsequent fleeing to Khazad lands had raised some doubts in this area.

It cannot have escaped our rivals’ notice however, that the Kuriotates have been singlemindedly focussing their efforts on communing with the Gods, and of the early religions, only the ‘praying to trees’ one was left.

Happy to oblige, I engaged Sareln when next we met.

(9:06:52 PM) Sareln: Bob says we have you to thank for keeping folk on track? :P
(9:07:08 PM) pocketbeetle: Thou art welcome
(9:07:22 PM) pocketbeetle: How's your C&D skills going?
(9:13:21 PM) Sareln: they're awful rusty
(9:13:29 PM) Sareln: I'm horrible at remember to look at the graphs
(9:13:46 PM) Sareln: is there anything in paritcular I should be looking for? Did Selrahc lose a priest on the dwarves?
(9:13:59 PM) Sareln: I have no idea why he declared, aggressive dwarf warriors in hilled capitals aren't going anywhere...
(9:14:09 PM) pocketbeetle: Not that I know of. I'm a little blind tbh though
(9:14:20 PM) pocketbeetle: All happening far far away
(9:15:12 PM) Sareln: you can see mine, Selrahcs, Culls at least...
(9:15:14 PM) Sareln: that's not too bad
(9:15:24 PM) Sareln: and I'm sure you've found the Vamps & Hippus by now...
(9:16:23 PM) pocketbeetle: Nope not yet I only have directions to where they are
(9:16:34 PM) Sareln: ah
(9:16:35 PM) pocketbeetle: I keep insulting Bob's scouting prowess for not being able to find me
(9:16:47 PM) Sareln: heh
(9:16:56 PM) Sareln: you're way out there it seems...
(9:17:24 PM) Sareln: Selrahc hasn't taken any priest deaths yet, I think the up-down you're seeing is turns where he doesn't summon all 3 Ice elementals...
(9:17:35 PM) pocketbeetle: Yeah I agree
(9:17:43 PM) Sareln: do you know if he's gone education yet?
(9:17:52 PM) pocketbeetle: I was more meaning religions when I made that comment
(9:18:37 PM) Sareln: oh
(9:18:55 PM) pocketbeetle: Because you may have noticed that the Kuriotates like their religions. A lot.
(9:19:07 PM) Sareln: ah OO
(9:19:11 PM) Sareln: well, you have veil and OO
(9:19:15 PM) Sareln: have you finished up FoL yet?
(9:19:21 PM) pocketbeetle: And I was wondering, were you intending to go for FoL when you researched Hunting?
(9:20:02 PM) pocketbeetle: I had you pegged for going FoL then CoE.
(9:20:30 PM) Sareln: well, the hunting was a necessity
(9:20:33 PM) Sareln: my only happy resource was ivory
(9:20:36 PM) Sareln: and that needs camps
(9:20:56 PM) Sareln: there are also some furs in the north.
(9:21:12 PM) Sareln: but yes, original gameplan was Hunting/FoL/Priest spam for bloom to get the elf economy going.
(9:21:35 PM) Sareln: are you going to deny me that? :P
(9:22:14 PM) pocketbeetle: I don't know. Do you still want it?
(9:22:28 PM) Sareln: I do.
(9:23:53 PM) Sareln: I don't really have much to offer to convince you to not go for it though.
(9:24:11 PM) pocketbeetle: hmmm. Going to have to think about this one.
Excuse me a sec, playing save
(9:24:18 PM) Sareln: not a problem
(9:30:17 PM) Sareln: if any inkling of a way we can work out our FoL issue comes to your mind, feel free to e-mail.

Unfortunately, Sareln broke like a rotten egg and spilled all his tech plans to me.
Naturally I’m much too honorable to take advantage of this, but I must admit to feeling a bit uncomfortable with the conversation.
It was a bit like kicking an Elf while he’s down, and so I broke off before the chat could go any further.

I passed the results onto Veezheesumuunuun the next day.
The smile that split his face was rather disturbing.
I must see about creating Dentist positions among the Ratmen.


Offering Sympathy to the Bereaved:

Pb’s journal, Day 2:
After hearing of the terrible slaughter being visited on the Kazadhian capital, I decided to send my sincerest condolences to the leader of the Dwarves, one Kandros Cull.

Dear Kandros Cull and his trusted advisor Arthendain Fleetfoot,

The Kuriotates Kingdom has learned you are currently involved in a life or death struggle with the Illians.
Although we are unable to offer help at this time, we just wanted to convey our sympathies and best wishes.
We have no desire to see a fellow religiously minded civilisation eliminated.

Kind Regards,
Pb, Worried Boy-King

The Plot Thickens:

Pb’s journal, Day 3:
I’m getting highly suspicious of Veezheesumuunuun.
He requested I put two questions to the Illian King this morning, which I did, but not without reservations.

(11:04:18 PM) pocketbeetle: Quick question
(11:19:23 PM) Selrahc: Yeah?
(11:19:41 PM) pocketbeetle: How much of you going rambo on Cull is tied to Drifa?
(11:20:01 PM) Selrahc: Not too much really.
(11:20:12 PM) Selrahc: The dragon is late late late game.
(11:20:49 PM) Selrahc: And requires going all the way up to theology on the religious line
(11:21:03 PM) Selrahc: Which.. I don't have much reason to do.
(11:21:14 PM) pocketbeetle: yeah, so if you were faced with a choice between killing Cull or killing Sareln, and couldn't kill both, who would you go for?
(11:21:15 PM) Selrahc: The High Priest upgrade notwithstanding.
(11:21:28 PM) pocketbeetle: This is ofc hypothetical. I don't know where Sareln is
(11:21:29 PM) Selrahc: Sareln.
(11:22:10 PM) Selrahc: Because raiders are a threat whereever they are on the tech tree.
(11:22:40 PM) Selrahc: The dwarves should be vulnerable to being slowed then picked apart for a good long time.

A Cry for Help:

Pb’s journal, Day 4:
The Kuriotates Court received a Dwarven messenger today.
The poor thing looked dead on his feet, and had frostbite in several uncomfortable looking places.
Given the brevity of previous messages from Kandros Cull, I was impressed with the eloquence of this one.

To the Boy-King himself, ruler of an Empire large and powerful, strong and rich, I beg of thee to attack the Illians to the west.

You must think me insane. But hear me out oh mighty one.
While the deadly priests waste themselves on me, I have received news from credible sources that the cities in the west, the old core of the Winter King, are not protected but a mere honor guard of two legions of soldiers, perhaps even one.
I merely ask of the great Boy King that you charge in from the west, allowing for a favorable peace treaty for both yourself and me, allowing for both of us to prosper more in the future, perhaps even stealing the capital of the Winter King itself as one of your glorious cities.

I am at your mercy, Boy King.

Kandros Cull does have a point, that the Illian core is likely poorly protected.
If the Kuriotates were to go HBR next and gain access to the mighty Centaur warriors, it is entirely possible a surprise strike could have favourable results.

But on learning of such an act, the Illian King would almost certainly turn his Priests around to retake the capital and gain revenge.
Once again we would back to the same situation: contemplating a defense using insufficient units & the Giants vs (combat hardened) Priests of Winter.

We must be patient, the time of the Priests will end soon enough.


A Deal is Struck:

Pb’s journal, Day 5:
Veezheesumuunuun left me a note this morning.
In it, he said the Svartalfar leader was 'pining' with worry over the idea of the Kuriotates stealing the FoL religion, thereby preventing his Elves from worshipping the local shrubbery. He suggested that while contacting the leader to reassure him of our non-intentions might appear condescending (we will ‘allow’ you to have it), a small and generously termed non-compete agreement would improve our existing relations and at the same time strengthen trade connections.

Personally, I thought this was a splendid idea and went to talk with Sareln immediatedly.
Veezheesumuunuun made the unusual request that the Elf maps be included in the deal, but seeing as he's been good recently, I decided to grant his wish.

(9/6/20101:34:15 AM) pocketbeetle: Hey Sareln
(1:34:38 AM) Sareln: What's up?
(1:34:46 AM) pocketbeetle: Been trying to think about ways to overcome our little problem
(1:34:55 AM) Sareln: any luck?
(1:35:02 AM) pocketbeetle: Well, let's at least get an understanding
(1:35:11 AM) Sareln: sure
(1:36:11 AM) pocketbeetle: I haven't started yet on the FoL tech.
So can you get/will you be getting FoL within the next 15 turns?
(1:36:47 AM) Sareln: it's close, between 15 - 17 if I had to eyeball it.
(1:37:30 AM) Sareln: You've got your 3 cities and education up I assume, so you're in a good position to tech as well.
(1:37:54 AM) pocketbeetle: Okay, so if we were to race, it would be close, and yes, as you say, research isn't a problem for me at the moment
(1:38:18 AM) pocketbeetle: What can you offer me, to leave it alone?
(1:39:12 AM) Sareln: non-competes on the lyre and the great artist attached to that tech. Money, PoL to cast the temple building spell later on.
(1:39:14 AM) Sareln: maps of course
(1:39:31 AM) Sareln: though my own location will probably have to remain a secret for now. The fewer who know that the better.
(1:40:47 AM) Sareln: (that tech) --> the drama line
(1:40:51 AM) pocketbeetle: Okay. At least we're getting somewhere.
Respectfully, I'm not too concerned about noncompetes on techs at this time, and money is a long way off
(1:41:06 AM) Sareln: that's fair, I'm just brainstorming.
(1:41:14 AM) pocketbeetle: The PoL offer is interesting, I might want one or two, but that's a long way of really
(1:42:13 AM) Sareln: it is.
(1:42:16 AM) pocketbeetle: Can you think of anything else? How about resources, particularly palace mana?
(1:42:49 AM) Sareln: my palace mana is nature/mind/shadow
(1:43:06 AM) Sareln: the problem is, I used palace mana to help partially buy my exile :P
(1:43:29 AM) pocketbeetle: Yeah true, so I couldn't try and ask for that too much.
(1:43:57 AM) pocketbeetle: How about other resources. Have you got corn near you? Gems/gold/dyes/cotton/copper?
(1:47:01 AM) pocketbeetle: Sorry, I cut out there, may have missed what you typed. My last line was me asking about other resources.
(1:47:37 AM) Sareln: (5:45:02 PM) Sareln: I've got cotton, can't see copper yet.
(5:45:20 PM) Sareln: once I start running the elf civic, I should be able to trade away most of my happy resources.
(1:48:10 AM) Sareln: Additional sites are in the fog right now, too busy fending off barbs and micoing to task units on exploration.
(1:48:13 AM) pocketbeetle: Cotton is good. I'm interested in that.
(1:48:19 AM) pocketbeetle: Okay, how about this
(1:48:50 AM) pocketbeetle: I'm asking for 4 things, 1 item now so I know you're not just messing me around (I'm sure you wouldn't) and 3 for the future
(1:49:22 AM) pocketbeetle: 1) Something right now: maps
2) Something in the future: Preferential trade partner on the cotton
3) One loan of a palace mana type for 10 turns, when I ask for it.
4) A free FoL Priest at some point in the future
(1:49:38 AM) pocketbeetle: Preferential trade partner means that you will do your best to trade that resource with me.
(1:49:46 AM) pocketbeetle: It doesn’t mean I’ll screw you over, just means so long as I offer you fair value, eg another happy resource, you’ll do your best to trade one of those resources with me.
And that takes precendence over any deals you’ve got with Bob etc.
(1:50:29 AM) Sareln: What would you like to see mapwise?
(1:50:38 AM) Sareln: my actual location?
(1:51:13 AM) pocketbeetle: I'd want your maps mainly for knowledge of the south, where Bob is etc
(1:51:23 AM) Sareln: ah, okay
(1:52:02 AM) pocketbeetle: I'm willing to negotiate on the 'future' stuff, but like I said, giving me nothing but promises right now is a non starter
(1:52:34 AM) Sareln: okay, I'm talking with Bob about the palace mana thing. But the rest of that is fine by me.
(1:53:10 AM) pocketbeetle: Okay, let me know
(1:55:41 AM) Sareln: The palace mana issue has been settled (I had to make a concession, but FoL is important :P). I can agree to these terms.
(1:56:34 AM) pocketbeetle: That's great thanks.
(1:56:43 AM) pocketbeetle: It'll probably be mind
(1:56:44 AM) Sareln: If you're fine by that, let me go get my maps.
(1:56:45 AM) Sareln: (and by get, I mean: the current stitch I have is 20 turns old, so I'll need to stitch something together)
(1:57:11 AM) Sareln: I expected that. The passive is nice and inspiration mages are helpful - especially if you're going culture.
(1:58:03 AM) pocketbeetle: A stitch? As in pictures combined? I don't want to have refer to a jpg everytime I move a scout Sareln
(1:58:19 AM) Sareln: oh, okay.
(1:58:21 AM) Sareln: right
(1:58:27 AM) Sareln: you actually have cartography.
(1:59:03 AM) pocketbeetle: Do you have the save at the moment?
(1:59:10 AM) Sareln: I do not.
(1:59:14 AM) Sareln: I think it's with Cull
(2:00:26 AM) pocketbeetle: Okay, it's already pretty late here, and I'm going to have to get off soon.
If you want, feel free to send me a trade when you get the save. Otherwise I'll ask on my turn?
(2:01:40 AM) Sareln: sure. This is one sided my maps to you ja? :P
(2:01:59 AM) pocketbeetle: Yes, that's the deal as far as I'm concerned.
(2:02:36 AM) pocketbeetle: Sorry I gotta go now
(2:02:48 AM) Sareln: 'kay, ciao, glad we could work this out.
(2:02:49 AM) pocketbeetle: Enjoy FoL

• The 15 turn figure was something I effectively pulled out of my arse.
  • The FoL tech takes ~9 turns currently, so to avoid giving away my teching capacity I simply rounded up and added 50%.
    I don’t have the Hunting prereq yet though, which is why I was careful to ask whether Sareln could get it in 15 turns.
    
  • Him replying with the figure 15-17t made me chuckle.
    I can see the demos, unless he’s knee-deep in the tech already (unlikely), then he was being very optimistic.
    (Current GNP ~15ish. 430b tech, no prereq arrow bonuses, so 430 / 13 = 33 turns).
    
  
  
• The resources I enquired about Corn/Gems/Gold/Dyes/Cotton/(Copper), are all the +10% raw commerce resources that I lack for the Deruptus Brewery/Tailor/Jeweller buildings.
  Selrahc has a spare Corn and one Cotton which I hope to prise from him, but I’d prefer to try and secure additional sources eventually (or his).
  
• If for some reason we do still eventually go through with the deal, the FoL priest would be used to build a temple in Avelorn (+1 health from temple, at least +1 happy from Incense).
  

As stated, my one major concern was that at some point Sareln would try to introduce a clause requiring no information sharing on his location.
If he’d done so, I would have have had to abide by it, or at best try to talk him out of including it.

Fortunately he didn’t though, so I’m afraid all bets are off.
But will Selrahc bite?


A Friend in Need:

Pb’s journal, Day 6:
The news in the East grows worse by the day.
Refugees are beginning to stream in; Kwythellar’s Herbalists are struggling to cope with all the wounded and infirm.
I have decided to send a diplomatic team to the Winter King, to entreat him to end the atrocities being committed by his troops.

I also dispatched a Centaur courier to the Dwarven leader, so that he may take heart and know that not all are standing by to watch.

Friend Kandros Cull,

As stated, we are unable to offer military help at this time.
The Kuriotates civilisation is a peaceful, gentle nation where Ratmen hold hands with Centaurs and dance around mushrooms.
It would take many many turns of the world to pull themselves out of their entrenched Pacifist ways, and change civic to something more warriorlike.

However!
We are not without power, for is it not said that the Pen is mightier than the Sword?
And nobody on this island writes more than the Kuriotates, as you may have seen from our thread!
We will try and aid you Kandros Cull, but in our own way.

Tomorrow a high ranking Kurio diplomat will speak to the Illian King, and beg him to spare you.
Don't underestimate the enormity of this task: Selrahc wants you Deader than a Coffin Nail on National 'Let's Celebrate Death' day.
There's two reasons why, I'm sure you've figured them out.
1) He needs to kill a civ to be able to build the White dragon, Drifa.
2) When he tried to kill a civ (Sareln), you stepped in and saved him. Now he can't find Sareln, so he's gone after you.

In order for me to convince Selrahc to spare you, I'm going to have call in a lot of favours, I'll probably end up owing him several in the end.
And much as I like you Cull, I can't do that for free.
So here's the deal I'm offering:

I -may- be able to get Selrahc to let you live.
This may involve a straight out peace treaty, it may involve you agreeing to be his vassal, it may just involve him wandering away with his Priests, still at war, and leaving you with only a 1 pop city left.
I only have so much influence and cannot guarantee results.
But if I succeed, you will be alive and like Sareln, have a chance of picking yourself up and getting back into the PBEM.

In return, I'm requesting a permanent gift of your palace Gold, for the rest of the game.
You won't have to gift it to me straight away, it'll be a while before either of us has Sailing and can trade, but that's what I'm asking for, to make Selrahc stop trying to wipe you out.
There will also be a non-disclosure agreement attached, ie you cannot tell anyone else I helped you unless I specifically say otherwise.

If you think you can get a better offer, or if you think you can convince Selrahc to spare you without the Kuriotates' help, don't take the deal.
But if you want me to step in, that's my price.

Let me know your answer as soon as possible, I'll have to move fast.

Kind Regards,
Pb, Peace Broker Boy-King

Is a Friend Indeed!

Pb’s journal, Day 7:
Another busy day, with couriers coming and going from the Palace in Kwythellar.
Strangely, Veezheesumuunuun seems to have disappeared...

What an interesting little idea. So for the price of one happiness off me for a long time of the game you try to "save" me, potentially failing. Huh.

I"ll take that deal, pb, and hope that you succeed. For all our sakes.

Hey Selrahc,

I don't know what the situation is over at the Dwarf capital, but assuming everything is going smoothly for you, could you please consider holding off from razing/capturing Khazad?
Feel free to knock him down to one last defender so he can't do anything surprising, but I'd suggest not carrying out the killing blow and eliminating Cull completely.

I may have something in the pipeline.
It's not confirmed yet, but it could be worth your time.

Kind Regards,
Pb, Peace Broker Boy-King

Shutting the Cage Door:

Pb’s journal, Day 8:

Friend Kandros Cull,

The entire Dwarven Nation should be thankful they have such a wise and noble leader.
I will send the diplomat a message by Centaur telling him to redouble his efforts to secure peace for your land.

To be clear:
The extent of the Kuriotates help ends, when or if, Selrahc approaches you with a peace offering/ a deal to end the war between you/ if the Priests suddenly leave your land.
It will be up to you to negotiate peace/vassal terms with the Illians, that you and the Dwarven people can abide by.
Our part is the hardest, convincing him to spare you and giving up his quest for the Dragon.

If you can reach an agreement and survive, we would ask you to honour our deal, and to remember the non-disclosure clause.
If you cannot reach an understanding with Selrahc, and choose to fight to the last Dwarf, then we will salute you as brave warriors, and mourn your passing.

If you disagree with any of the above, please inform me immediately.
Otherwise I will assume we have an understanding.
We go now to work for your future.

Regards,
Pb, Peace Broker Boy-King

I guess it’s now time to have a chat with Selrahc!

For this, we need someone skilled in the arts of chivalry and courtly behaviour.
Someone with impeccable manners, able to negotiate effectively while still respecting cultural differences.
The Khazad need a shining hero!
Hmmm...


Familiar Hunting Grounds:

The sharp rapport of metal clicking and springs twanging jerks you abruptly awake.
It’s nighttime, and the room is pitch dark.

The war to the East has been going well, messages from your Commanders are promising the keys to the city of Khazak any day now. Should it fall, the rest of the Dwarven empire will surely topple soon after.
In truth, there is only one thing that could change the course of the war at this late stage.
The death of one man.
You.

Fumbling for the sword stored at the head of your bed, you sit up and open your mouth to shout for the guards.
A lantern flares, illuminating a figure thankfully far over on the other side of the room.
A man…with a tail?

That damn Ratman is standing in your room again, holding its tail up to the light, clearly inspecting a square object that is determinedly clinging there.
From somewhere inside, you feel a smile rising up to your lips.
Ever since the Ratman’s last unwelcome visit to your bedroom, you’ve taken it upon yourself to have…precautions…installed.
It’s just a shame that it had to find the smallest ones nearest the door first.

Veez turns from inspecting the rat trap to glare at you.
“Well ain’t you just the comedian, eh Boss?”

Irritably the Ratman pulls the trap off its tail, tossing it carelessly in the direction of your drinks cabinet.
Another round of clacking and snapping commences, some of them sounding distinctly bear sized.

“There had better be a good explanation for this intrusion,” you coldly inform the creature.

Veez ignores you, continuing to examine sections of his tail. Holding the tail with his left paw, he begins to lick a small area.
You suspect a chunk may be missing. The thought pleases you.
Without pausing the thing lifts its free paw, and points to the foot of your bed.
There is a letter there.

Picking it up, and reading by the flickering light, it says:

“Got a deal for you Kingy.
And since you had trouble understand the last one, I’m gonna lay it out plain and simple, like I’m talking to a newling.

My boys managed to find where the Elves are hiding out: it’s a tower hidden in a bunch of forests.
That location is now for sale, and we know you want it.
The price? Three things, minor piffling stuff really.

1) The Rockheads live.
This one’s non-negotiable Boss, orders from on high and all that.
They live, and you leave ‘em alone for a while.
And not some poxy pretend peace where you go kill the Elves and then return 10 turns later. Gotta be 40 turns at least.
2) The Kuriotates become your preferential trade partner for Corn.
Hehe, this part’s all my doing. Reward for all those days spent traipsing through jungles.
Preferential trade partner means that you will do your best to trade that resource with the Kuriotates. So long as his Lordship offers you fair value eg another health resource you need or half of one happy resource, you’ll do your best to trade one of those resources with us.
3) The Illians agree to owe the Kuriotates two loans of a mana resource type for 10 turns.
This mana may be from a node or the palace, and can be requested at any time within reason, in any combination.
Eg 1 mana for 10 turns, then later a different mana for 10 turns, or one mana for 20 turns, or two manas for 10 turns total.”

The message ends:

“So what do you think Boss?”

You toss the paper down dismissively.
“I think you’re wasting my time with this trash Ratman,” you say loudly, “Why would I allow a sure kill to escape for this?”

While you were reading, the Ratman has finished up with its…ministrations, and is now regarding you with cold eyes.

“Ah, but you’re missing the best part,” it replies, the familiar grin splitting its face.
“See, my orders are that nomatter what happens, by the end of this there has to be one Rockhead squatting on a rock somewhere, alive.”
“But nomatter what happens can cover a rather wide variety of happenings, if you catch my whiff Boss.”

“If you want to squeeze the Rockheads before you leave,” it continues, “who am I, a humble Kindred, to say otherwise?
Border agreements, palace mana, tributes, all that shit is up for offer.”

“You could even raze that capital, leaving them with only their poxy second village if you reeeeaally want…” it pauses, as if for thought, “although his nancyboyness upstairs might have something to say about that.”

It looks back at you. The eyes are bloodshot and furious, but Veez’s voice is smooth, controlled.
“Now do you understand what’s on offer?”

“Hmmm,” you delay, while your mind whirrs through the possibilities.

The Ratman has a point.
With the Elves destroyed and the Dwarves crippled, both by war and restrictive treaty agreements, the Illian civilisation would be free to spread throughout the Eastern continent, no longer having to worry about revenge attacks from past foes.

You look back at the silhouetted figure.
Veez is standing there, paw tapping, clearly waiting for your answer.


How do you respond?

I left it open-ended instead of multiple choice this time, both to give Selrahc an opportunity to try and negotiate and also because he seemed to be getting into the spirit of it towards the end of last time.

I’ve been deliberately aiming high (imo) with these Cull/Selrahc/Sareln interactions.
For some reason nobody seems to be negotiating me down, so either I’m being more generous than I realise, or they’re underestimating the amount of wiggle room they have.
In this case, a reply from Selrahc demanding the palace mana loan requirement to be halved to only 1 x 10 would have been agreed on instantly.
The principle aim was to secure the Dwarves’ survival + at least one other benefit.

Oh, and I'm making a point of avoiding the 'V' word, namely Vassal.
If Cull has to become Selrahc's vassal to survive, then so be it. But I'd much rather he didn't, and there's certainly no need to be putting that thought in the Illian King's head anytime soon. ^^

Selrahc rises from the bed. As he does so the tapping sound slows.

"You are a very clever creature my friend. But perhaps it would do you some good not to think yourself too clever. The physical world is not the only world. The traps you saw were not the only traps set for you. You have seen our troops on the field and how they hold our foes in place, as if they were wading through a swamp or drift of snow. I'm sure you remember the great stasis. Our lord Auric has told us many secrets little rat, and I am his most trusted advisor. The way your limbs feel like they are made of lead, the way your heart slows and your lungs struggle to rise. Perhaps you will remember them the next time you decide to show how oh so clever you are to a disciple of the winter king."

As these words are said Veez slowly crumbles to the floor. Frost seeming to form around his still form. The blood from the wounds on his tail freezing as they touch the surface of the ground. He lets out a feeble squeak.

"Don't worry Veez. You won't be harmed. You'll get my reply when you awaken. And you'll be able to report back to your fellow vermin of the terrible frost magics that protect the chosen of the Winter King."

As Veez struggles to maintain consciousness Selrahc leans in closer
"Or perhaps raiding the drinks cabinet again wasn't the best move after all."

Veez blacks out.



Two days later Veez awakens in the city dump. A letter is lying next to him. It is written in the impeccable hand of one used to writing.

"Although it has been a pleasure knowing you Veez I fear we shall not speak again. If I find you in the Winter Palace again you will be executed, by my Lord's followers who have significantly less tolerance for mischief..

Your offer is broadly acceptable but is contingent on the acceptance of my offer of peace to the Dwarves. Once I have that then discussions on the fine points of this deal can be made. We have an agreement in principle however.

Should you wish to contact the Illians outside of proper diplomatic channels I am told there is a most disreputable young man called Jack who spends his time playing card games in a tavern known as the Ice Witch. He would be your best bet.

If you are planning on staying in Illian lands long there is a lovely restaurant in the Glacier District that serves a most delightful Goats Cheese. Just been imported from the lands around Thariss. You may be unable to get a seat on such short notice, but I'm sure the chef would be willing to part with some if you asked just the right way. Really exquisite and I understand you're a connoisseur.

Regards, S"

What is it with this guy and trying to kill poor Veez?

A couple of turns later, Selrahc let me know he’d signed peace with Cull and was finalising negotiations.
Selrahc had been leading his Priests in the direction of Sareln, and given the pretty short distance involved, time was running short.
So I suggested we tie off our deal via chat:

(8:06:48 PM) pocketbeetle: We'll need to finalise the DwarfMercy deal soon btw. If you want to do it shorthand and write it out longhand later (or not at all if you're too busy), that's fine by me
(8:07:22 PM) Selrahc: Alright. I can probably do it now.
(8:07:58 PM) Selrahc: The corn thing is fine, the peace thing is fine, I'd kind of like to reduce the time on the mana deal.
(8:08:19 PM) pocketbeetle: hit me
(8:09:04 PM) Selrahc: Drop it down to ten turns was my thinking.
(8:09:18 PM) Selrahc: I should note, Cull also knows the location of Sareln.
(8:09:32 PM) pocketbeetle: hehe. Clever.
(8:09:43 PM) pocketbeetle: So you mean 2 loans of 5 turns each?
(8:10:03 PM) Selrahc: THat would be fine. Is there not a minimum duration though?
(8:10:21 PM) pocketbeetle: I'm not sure. That's why I used the 10t figure
(8:11:07 PM) Selrahc: What are you planning to use it for? Because at this stage for example, losing enchantment mana would cripple me.
(8:11:53 PM) Selrahc: But if we're talking loaning Ice mana, when you've got some adepts so you can use slow that would be a lot easier to handle.
(8:12:09 PM) Selrahc: Even if I'd be losing my exclusivity.
(8:12:48 PM) Selrahc: And I'm guessing you're not rally that interested in law mana.
(8:12:56 PM) pocketbeetle: I understand. I wasnt intending to try anything nasty like asking for enchantment now.
I was probably thinking Law and Ice later, although don't quote me. But certainly not enchantment any time soon
(8:13:02 PM) pocketbeetle: hehe
(8:13:51 PM) pocketbeetle: What do you think. If I promise one of the loans to be law, is 2 x 10 acceptable?
(8:14:28 PM) Selrahc: Hm. Yeah okay.
(8:15:04 PM) Selrahc: But give me some warning if you do go for enchantment down the line, because I'd probably need to adjust some things around
(8:15:12 PM) pocketbeetle: absolutely
(8:15:33 PM) pocketbeetle: Done deal :shakes hand:, will drop you a note when I can

Two things:

• Obviously Selrahc takes palace loan deals more seriously than me.
  I hadn't even thought of trying to pull the +1 happy Enchantment mana out from under his feet (would make his capital unhappy), although I probably should have thought of it.
  Even so, my idea of these loan deals is that I give him adequate warning and it’s a request, whereas he’s considering it from a worst case scenario and it’s a demand at anytime. Something to remember.
  
• Law mana: I think I confused him with my interest in it.
  It’s understandable, Law mana is pretty crap, but that’s the whole point of why I’d rather borrow it than build my own Law node.
  I place very low stock in temporary happy sources so a loan of Enchantment appeals not at all, I’d much rather build my own Enchantment node using the one that Law would have taken.
  And if he hasn’t considered the Tower of Divination/Law mana requirement, all the better for me.
  

The second mana loan will be Ice, preferably requested just before Hemah pops(?)
I don't intend for Selrahc to be the only person with Snowfall.

Later over the weekend, Cull caught me to have a chat:

(2:44:19 PM) Cull RB: Everything went on fine with selrahc
(2:44:25 PM) Cull RB: Except he wants palace gold
(2:44:27 PM) Cull RB: D'oh!
(2:44:28 PM) pocketbeetle: Hey Cull
(2:44:34 PM) pocketbeetle: Doh indeed
(2:44:40 PM) pocketbeetle: How are dealing with that?
(2:44:53 PM) Cull RB: I think I can tempt him with mana though, and helping him find sarlen
(2:45:44 PM) pocketbeetle: Okay, I hope so too.
(2:45:45 PM) pocketbeetle: He'll probably want your
(2:45:49 PM) pocketbeetle: Earth
(2:45:54 PM) pocketbeetle: I think he gets Law already
(2:46:08 PM) pocketbeetle: Otherwise, maybe try offering a border agreement?
(2:46:23 PM) Cull RB: Well
(2:46:25 PM) Cull RB: the land between us
(2:46:31 PM) Cull RB: *former sarlen and myself
(2:46:35 PM) Cull RB: is bare as bones
(2:47:43 PM) Cull RB: It will work thou
(2:48:04 PM) pocketbeetle: I hope so. I don't want you going out of the game.
(2:48:18 PM) pocketbeetle: Has he given you a decent length peace? 30 turns or so?
(2:48:25 PM) Cull RB: 60
(2:48:30 PM) Cull RB: Long enough, huh?
(2:48:33 PM) pocketbeetle: wow nice.
(2:48:51 PM) pocketbeetle: yeah. Here's a hint also - the land to your NW isn't bad. There's a few goodies over there
(2:49:03 PM) Cull RB: I'm aware
(2:49:11 PM) Cull RB: but I kinda think I have to forfiet that
(2:49:14 PM) Cull RB: at least a bit of it
(2:49:20 PM) Cull RB: some of the area I might be able to snatch
(2:49:30 PM) pocketbeetle: Yup
(2:49:36 PM) pocketbeetle: Trying to think of other stuff you could offer
(2:49:49 PM) Cull RB: Supply of workers?
(2:50:01 PM) Cull RB: That MIGHT work
(2:50:12 PM) pocketbeetle: might do. But to catch up you really need to get another city down and your land improved fast
(2:50:26 PM) Cull RB: Yeah Ik
(2:50:28 PM) pocketbeetle: Although dwarven vaults make that tough I know
(2:50:40 PM) Cull RB: I have enough gold right now
(2:50:48 PM) Cull RB: Give me 5 to play my turn
(2:51:01 PM) pocketbeetle: okay.
(2:59:36 PM) Cull RB: Sorry internet crashed
(2:59:47 PM) pocketbeetle: Hey no worries
(3:00:18 PM) Cull RB: Sending turn now
(3:00:28 PM) Cull RB: Alright its on the bob
(3:00:32 PM) pocketbeetle: How about a Great person trade. If you get desperate he might accept that
(3:00:47 PM) Cull RB: Huh
(3:00:51 PM) Cull RB: if I can GET a GP
(3:00:59 PM) Cull RB: workers would be better
(3:01:03 PM) pocketbeetle: true. Never know, an event might come along
(3:01:10 PM) pocketbeetle: Easier to produce yeah
(3:01:13 PM) Cull RB: Is that a hint to something?
(3:01:26 PM) pocketbeetle: nope not at all. Honestly just trying to brainstorm
(3:01:31 PM) Cull RB: Now I gotta look at the turn now...
(3:01:35 PM) Cull RB: Well
(3:01:50 PM) Cull RB: a quick GA would be better than the probably 3 workers or so
(3:02:50 PM) pocketbeetle: Problem is, don't think we can gift units. So I think the only way to 'trade' is to use say a GSci and force an Academy in one of Selrahc's cities, or a Prophet for a shrine
(3:02:59 PM) pocketbeetle: Nah, not worth it you're right. Workers better
(3:03:08 PM) pocketbeetle: Or maybe military help?
(3:03:15 PM) Cull RB: Finding sarlen
(3:03:24 PM) pocketbeetle: He gets to ask for help defending from you once
(3:03:27 PM) Cull RB: I THINK you can gift units with OB
(3:04:16 PM) Cull RB: that does require carto
(3:04:33 PM) pocketbeetle: Yeah. I'm not sure I haven't tried, but I don't think we can gift units at all
(3:04:52 PM) pocketbeetle: Any non compete clauses you could give him? On wonders or techs?
(3:05:13 PM) Cull RB: Huh
(3:05:21 PM) pocketbeetle: That could work. He might be interested in something like the Great Library, and with your strong production you might be able to beat him
(3:05:45 PM) Cull RB: That could work
(3:05:50 PM) Cull RB: that and one mana
(3:05:52 PM) Cull RB: should work out
(3:05:55 PM) Cull RB: Thanks!
(3:06:08 PM) pocketbeetle: Telling him you'd not compete could be worth something. Take a look through the wonders, see if you think there are any he might want, (and you don't want!)
(3:06:31 PM) pocketbeetle: Alternatively. Mana loans, not necessarily from your palace. Do you have a node or two in your lands?
(3:07:09 PM) pocketbeetle: 10 turns of a mana loan (he gets to choose when and type) might be worth something again
(3:07:14 PM) pocketbeetle: Anyway, that's enough from me

60 turns NAP?
Gosh that was…more generous than I expected.


With Cull clearly wanting to include Sareln’s location in some sort of deal with Selrahc (poor old Elves, everyone wants to sell them out), Veez needs to move fast…

Several days later, and you’re still bathing in the warm glow of having finally put Ratman in its place...the city dump.

Your meditations are disturbed however, when a trembling minion runs up to you carrying an envelope, burbling something incomprehensible.
Sighing, you sit up and order the lackey to repeat his message…slowly.

He tells you that someone broke into the Palace gardens last night, and created a large sacrilegious piece of art.
As he speaks, he hands you the envelope. Apparently it was attached to the artwork, and even more strangely, is addressed to you.
Opening it, you find the scrawled hand of Veez.

The instructions are short, clear, and to the point.

“From the Dwarf capital move:
Three kilotiles SW and one kilotile West until you find a Banana grove.
Then move one kilotile South and one SW to cross over a river.
Two further kilotiles SW should bring you to a gap between two peaks.
Nestled in a river valley, therein lies the Svartalfar hideout.

Beware it has good lookouts in all directions.”

Included is a hasty sketch of what appears to be a small but growing Elf town.

Now finally interested, you order the still quivering man to lead you outside.

In the Palace gardens, precisely aligned to face your bedroom window, you find:

And so ends this little saga. Let’s round it up.
The Kuriotates:

1. Extorted map knowledge + additional terms from the Svartalfar, for the promise of a non-compete on a tech which the Kuriotates had no intention of pursuing anytime soon.
   Whether those additional terms will become invalid or not depends on whether:
   • Sareln can figure out it was the Kuriotates (not the Khazad) that did the dirty.
     
   • How convincingly I can claim innocence.
     
   • Whether the deal should become invalid because of this.
     (Technically, there’s nowhere in the deal that says I couldn’t do so, but common-sense could and should override rules-lawyering technicalities).
     
   
   
2. Then guaranteed a peace deal in some form to the Khazad, in return for a game long gift of Gold.
   
3. Sold the Svartalfar map data to the Illians in return for the Khazad’s survival + guaranteed Corn trade + two ten-turn loans of palace mana, one of which has to be Law.
   

All in all, not bad.
Slightly surprised it worked.

There’s the potential for one more important benefit also: if it turns out the new Svartalfar city on T98 was gifted by Bob, then tensions between the Illians and Calabim could rise significantly.
Particularly after Bob has been telling Selrahc that he has no deals with Sareln…

[Twinkletoes89]

I love your style of updates and Blackadder rules!

Keep up the great work!

[Serdoa]

After thinking about it I am not sure if I can post what I think here. Not that it is a spoiler of any sort, but it might give you ideas you did not have initally PB. But if it is only half as evil as I think, it is already more evil then Krill could ever be.

[Ilios]

I, on the other hand, have no such qualms!


It's very simple actually:

You have all seen PB is planning on moving Vanilla Ice, the intrepid explorer, on a hill just outside of Caledor's border. What you might not have noticed, is that he is positioned at around the same latitude as the Khazad capital, currently being besieged by a mob of Ice maniacs.

Once Moe, Larry and Curly have signed the pact with a nice fat "X", they are to be trundled towards Vanilla's position.

When they've met the ratman, the giants will launch Vanilla Ice towards Cull, who handily, has been given some nasty Svartalfar poison (unlocked with Way of the Forest). Flying over the Cool Priests, Vanilla sprays the poison on the besiegers, making them suffer and die in interesting ways, and breaking the siege in the process.

Landing in the Khazad capital, after a brief celebration:



Vanilla flees the swooning Dwarf maidens wishing to import on him ancient Dwarven mating rituals as reward:



The world is saved!

[Tatan]

Very simple indeed!

[pocketbeetle]

I love your style of updates and Blackadder rules!
Keep up the great work!

Thanks TT, I'm glad you're enjoying it.

After thinking about it I am not sure if I can post what I think here. Not that it is a spoiler of any sort, but it might give you ideas you did not have initally PB. But if it is only half as evil as I think, it is already more evil then Krill could ever be.

I understand your concern , although to be clear most of the diplo legwork has already been done.
If in doubt, post in the lurker thread for bragging rights afterwards. ^^

Ludicrously amusing plan, complete with pictures.

Oh dear, it seems Ilios's rise to the top of the cookie chart is unstoppable, just like a flying, poison-spraying Ratman.

I've lost count of what number that makes, at some point I'll have to start keeping track.

Needless to say, while the above may not be Veez's Grand Masterplan #1, it is most definitely worthy of backup plan status.
(You even made me go compare the latitudes - and you're right, he is!)

[pocketbeetle]

Turn 90:

Splashscreen for AH on loading.
Subdue Animal is a promotion available to recon units, requires Combat I and gives +25% bonus vs animals.
Additionally, when a unit with this promotion defeats an animal, it captures said animal, putting it under your control.
Not so useful for Scouts, works well with Hunters.



Quiet turn really, most workers staying in place to complete tasks.

The second gl Silks is now plantationed, a road will be completed to it next turn.
Over at Avelorn, Bobby Moore moved to the Pigs, Bob completed the National wonder Stelvio Pass.



Something I didn’t anticipate: GNP only increased by two, because Selrahc doesn’t have the cities captured from Sareln connected to his capital yet.
Oh well.

Caledor begins on a RoK thane, should only take three turns despite Pacifism -20% penalty.




Demographics:

Nothing interesting happening, and you don’t really care do you?

Much more importantly, Veez’s plan has received a (minor) update.

[pocketbeetle]

Not sure if the turn will get around to me tonight.
Hope this isn't a sign that Cull is giving up already.

There are two schools of thought:
Sareln seems to think Selrahc is wasting his time attacking Cull, who has aggressive warriors (+ capital is on a hill?).
Selrahc seems to think things are going well, and Cull is definitely dead.

Veez's plan updated in the meantime.

[Krill]

When I get back, I'm going to try harder. I want my title of "Most evil player" back.

[Serdoa]

Ok, after I read your newest bit of his masterplan

1. You get Sareln to tell you his location
2. You ask Cull if he wants peace with Selrahc and tell him you can do it for just one palace mana for some turns
3. You tell Selrahc that he can receive Sarelns position for just one palace mana for some turns

If everyones agree, you get 2 x palace mana for just losing 1 x palace mana and you save the good Dwarf and let both evil powers destroy each other / hold each other back.