Posts: 17,425
Threads: 78
Joined: Nov 2005
I think there's one more bit of insight to add to this thread. Maybe more along the lines of a confession (which in retrospect doesn't feel like the appropriate thing to call it but whatever). And while it certainly doesn't excuse any times I've failed to hit the competitive spirit benchmark expected of me or that I expect of myself, maybe it can go a ways towards helping people understand why my games tend to end up in the way they have of late. "High-functioning depression" is the term I see thrown around in social media, and while I've avoided the advise of professionals because i can for the most part manage, there are times that I go through periods of losing all energy and ambition to do anything, even playing a game as fun as civ. Sadly, i've been experiencing this more frequently over the last 6 months, and it's no coincidence that my reporting and effort in this game tanked over that time.
So for how that affected things here i'm sorry. I won't blame all of my performance on it but it played a part. I think if I play MP again it will have to be as part of a team, because hitting one of these periods of depression pretty much kills any momentum I've built up in reporting well or playing my turns well/on time.
Why bring it up now? Because I find myself reading pb37 and civ6 pbem threads and wanting to be a part of a game again. But I need to remind myself of why that may not be a good idea too.
Suffer Game Sicko
Dodo Tier Player