[Spoilers] Biggus Decius and the Sucking Vampires (Bobchillingworth / Calabim)

[Bobchillingworth]

Your diplo in this game has been pretty good.

Prepare to be corrected!



Okay, so last turn I open up the save and see the following:






What the heck is going on here? Why does he have a great commander stuck on a hunter? More importantly, what is it doing lurking outside my NE borders? The most likely possibilities to me seemed to be that he was either scanning my defenses via hawk, or was planning to pop that lair. Or both.

Either way, I decided to send off a warning email to PB, letting him know that messing around with the lair wouldn't be tolerated. I already had some bad experiences with Iskender over lair exploration, and I had heard before from Selrahc that PB happily popped lairs near his territory, so I wanted to nip the issue in the bud.


My missive:

[COLOR="Red"]All right,


I see that the illustrious bipedal rat Vanilla Ice is skulking around the Northeastern edge of my empire. Please inform Mr. Ice that he is stop molesting the local wildlife, collaborate with my instructions, and listen up: if he explores that lizardman lair he's camped beside, I'll consider it an act of war. So unless he (and you) want to get rocked like a vandal & waxed like a candle, get out of my sight.



Also you suck for making me spend more than two seconds thinking about vanilla ice lyrics. This email was almost physically painful to write :P


-Bobchillingworth[/COLOR]

Okay, so not the nicest email ever :P What can I say, I figured that the casual animosity combined with the lame attempt at humor by integrating Vanilla Ice lyrics fit pretty well with the established tone of our conversations in the tech thread & elsewhere.


His response:

[COLOR="Plum"]Hello Bob,



Considering that:

1) This unit has only to just moved to that location

2) I was not even aware there was a Lizard ruins there



…I find your message rather rude.

Don’t ever send me threatening emails like this again.



Furthermore, I would advise against any attempt at a reply along the lines of “it wasn’t a threat, merely a statement of fact,” because that would be insulting my intelligence also.



Finally, I’ve been meaning to speak to you about the equitable division of the land to your South (my workboat noticed there’s a lot of space and resources left unclaimed).

Given that you would appear to be uninterested in friendly relations with the Kuriotates, I think we may just have to engage in a good old fashioned settling race: my Expansive zero maintenance settlements vs your full cost cities.

Good luck.



Regards,

Pb, Annoyed Boy-King[/COLOR]

Wow, he apparently took my email much more seriously than I thought he would. Parts of his response are frankly ludicrous- he had wanted to discuss land divisions with me in regards to my southern territory? Some of the other comments are more revealing. He's evidently going for optics (no other realistic way to colonize my southern wastelands), and the comment about not wanting me to reply with something like "it wasn't a threat, it was a promise" implies that he thinks I can't back up the threat of war. Interestingly PB has used variations of "don't insult my intelligence" a few times before in communication on and off RB- I think he might be insecure about his intellect



Anyway, most of my thoughts on his reply were expressed in my response:

[COLOR="Red"]Dear Boy-King,


Oh boo-the-heck-hoo, I'm sorry if my sad attempt to compose an email out of Vanilla Ice lyrics hurt your feelings. I guess I shouldn't have expected thicker skin from a child.


Look, you have a steadily rising power level, a military wonder, and the Raiders trait. You have deals with almost every other player in the game, but the only gesture of cooperation you've ever shown my civilization was to briefly open borders, and then close them after murdering my scout. You never responded to my email regarding Selrahc, even to disagree. I've also heard stories of you exploring lairs near other players, and I've had serious difficulties in the past from Iskender doing the same. So pardon me for being a little bit on edge.


I can't decide whether your threat to start expanding to the icy wastelands of my south is more bizzare or laughable, but suffice it to say that any such action would be massively ill-advised on your part. If you are interested in some sort of genuine dialouge or cooperation, I'm all ears. All I know is that I've seen increasingly ominous signs from your civilization, and heard nothing but silence. If you don't have your heart set on conflict with the Calabim, convince me otherwise.


-Bobchillingworth[/COLOR]

I sent that off a few hours ago, and have received no response. I noticed that Selrahc updated his thread at some point between my sending the initial email, and PB's reply, so I suspect PB forwarded it on to him for comment. I made sure in the final email to not entirely tip off my hand about just how much I know, so there's no mention of his aggressive northern settlements.



So, rationally thinking about it, this was probably all a mistake; I'd have probably been better off playing nice & dumb. But I can build chariots now, and my Western garrison has returned from the southern barb-bashing expedition. From what I understand about the strength of his military, I think I'm safe for the moment. And I want him to know that I'm prepared for any aggression on his part, while maintaining the facade that I'm not planning a deliberate offense of my own, and hopefully my emails stayed within that strategy. Besides, I honestly didn't expect such a harsh reaction to my first email- I thought he'd reply with something similarly irreverent, not passive-aggressive rage.

[DaveV]

My initial reaction: if he's going to build something, settlers are probably the best possible thing for us. Each settlement he builds is +1 to the AC eventually, and I really don't see how he plans to defend them.

As for PB's reaction, maybe it's a case of protesting too much. If he's as smart as he wants us to think he is, he should be gearing up for Final War now.

[Bobchillingworth]

Just played a mildly interesting turn.


Selrahc's golden age from the bone palace ended, and he kicked off another. I've examined most of his towns by zooming in and looking for siege workshops, and I haven't seen any. His power has also been fairly stable- no sudden growth. So I guess I'm not getting chariot rushed soon. I probably need to start looking for stables as well.


I was able to micro Feudalism down a turn, so it's coming in 4 now. I've also managed to have a positive income flow every turn, so I might be able to get feudalism in 3 if I turn up the science rate. Not sure that it would be worth it, though.


I queue'd up a couple chariots, should have 2-4 done by the time Feudalism is in. It's always good to have a handful around as a rapid-response squad. Actually, in SP my "typical" army is between one to two-dozen chariots, backed by mobility ritualists, and led by Rosier. It's a very simple and often brutally effective combo- as long as you don't get attacked first.



Cull messaged me to say that PB had warned him via email that I had been conspiring to attack him (Cull). Thanks PB, now I have a reason to wipe you out Sharing confidential conversations like that... shameful, really. Anyway Cull responded to PB by lying and saying that he wasn't worried because he and I have an NAP. I'm... really not sure why he did that, would have made a lot more sense to just say "okay, I'll start building troops ASAP". Now PB might think (correctly) that I've switched targets from Cull to him. Oh well, the game is up in 4 turns anyhow, and I'm not about to alienate Cull now by getting hostile with him.



Finally, I sent Iskender a confidential email asking him if/when he wants to attack PB with me. I also tried to get a 5 or 10-turn cooldown added to our NAP after turn 200. That benefits Iskender the most, but I think it's worth it so that I can focus on a minimum of potential fronts at a time.

[fluffyflyingpig]

The important question: did pb pop the ruins?

[Bobchillingworth]

Nah, he's just standing in place. No fortification bonus, strangely enough, should have a 5% one now. Maybe he loses fortification whenever he does a recon mission?



I think I'll send my first couple chariots over towards "Vanilla Ice" anyway, killing that great commander would be a real coup.

[DaveV]

Finally, I sent Iskender a confidential email asking him if/when he wants to attack PB with me. I also tried to get a 5 or 10-turn cooldown added to our NAP after turn 200. That benefits Iskender the most, but I think it's worth it so that I can focus on a minimum of potential fronts at a time.

What kind of deal did you offer on PB's former territory? I'm sure Iskender would love to vacuum up those super cities.

Remember, PB = .
His cottages are worth a fortune in pillage, twice as much for you as Iskender. Presumably Iskender won't mind pillaging since he's running Aristograrianism. I think one of your first actions in a war against PB should be to station a stack of vampires near his territory, then send in a wave of pillaging spectres every turn.

[Bobchillingworth]

Deal offered is essentially that you keep what you can take. So if he can grab a lot of territory, it's his (until I later turn on him and take it away, at least).


I mostly just want the pillaging gold, to knock out a competitor on my way to conquest, and to get a sweet capitulation deal from PB if possible. Also I'd be interested in a colony or two in the far NW of the map, but that might be unrealistic.

[DaveV]

Deal offered is essentially that you keep what you can take. So if he can grab a lot of territory, it's his (until I later turn on him and take it away, at least).

It's not a bad idea to let him have a sizeable chunk of land and cities, to make him feel like he's getting a good deal (and you're a good ally) and like he's still in competition. Once he decides the game is over for him, he might go kamikaze on someone. For now, it's much better to have him fighting alongside you.

[Bobchillingworth]

Agreed.



Wow, my economy is stronger than I thought. Feudalism just dropped another turn- 2 turns left now. I'm going to only cue up 5 vampires immediately, because a few cities are finishing essential builds. The pace should pick up shortly, though. Oh, and I need to remember to build those Royal Guards, too.



I'm wondering when I should vassalize Cull- I want the happy bonus quickly, but he raised a good point that it might make sense to wait until he has build up some more forces. My idea was to have both him and Sareln capitulate straight away, and then approach Selrahc to see if he wants a secret NAP. The thinking was that my newfound power would make my bargaining position more compelling. But perhaps packing a couple vassals might have the opposite intended effect? I'm really not sure what makes the most sense here. By far the most important thing for me is to avoid a dog-pile. I should be reasonably safe if Iskender is on-board to attack PB with me, so I just need to figure out how to neutralize Selrahc.

[DaveV]

Selrahc and PB both have Writing, so they'll know right away when you bring in Feudalism. I'm amazed they haven't done something dramatic already: are they just going to sit idle while you crank out vampires? Not that that's a bad thing for you...

With respect to vassalizing Sareln and Cull: my gut feel is that it's best to keep it informal for now. As your powergraph spikes (vampire=15, royal guard=12, chariot=10, skeleton=3, spectre=12(!)), the Northern Alliance will either have to attack you or give up the game. I'd say delay the vassalization until you're ready to declare on PB.