Gamebooks (Choose Your Own Adventure Style)

[RefSteel]

This may be fun to read for the purpose of writing snarky Realms Beyond posts, but it's not a good gamebook.

I fully agree - with both parts! I've been rather enjoying your snark and the concept of "Herman Gigglethorpe plays CYOA so you don't have to!"

My take on each of the books you've (at least partially) covered so far as a kind of blurb summary/review, inevitably getting longer as we get to the more-recent books:

Rings of Saturn: Your choices will have no impact on the ultimate outcome of the story - however - this book features a dolphin drill sergeant!

Deadline Delivery: Struggle to survive in a goofy but essentially coherent post-apocalyptic dystopia, where you may be able to affect, thwart, or even enable significant plot events!

Prison Escape: Take sides, expose plots - or join in them - in the crazy and corrupt prison into which you've been thrown, all the while trying to find means to escape, choosing which factions you will try to aid or foil as you go!

Island of the Dodos: Make a series of virtually-contextless "choices" ranging from pointless traps to morality tests to might-as-well-be coin flips so you can experience one of many ill-plotted or unfinished stories in wildly different and improbable universes masquerading as ours, in many of which your character will die from causes that in no way follow from, nor indeed relate to, the choices you made!

Dragons Realm: Flee from bullies to discover an entire enchanted world, complete with exclusively-friendly dragons, lame but cool-looking magic, your long-lost cousin, and urgent (and quickly-forgotten) pleas for help - in which no one seems to have anything to do except sit around waiting for you to turn up so they can ...bully you, in most cases, but also show off for you and possibly teach you how to show off in similar ways too! But no matter what you encounter, you will never lose sight of the most important thing to focus on with your astonishing discoveries: The bullies who were calling you names, who you can now handle by ...bullying them. But using the trappings of supernatural fantasy!

(I in no way object to having so many "good" endings in the current book, but I do object to nearly all the endings being pretty much the same, especially considering the nature of that sameness. That and the execrable writing, especially with regard to characterization. I will say one thing in its minimal defense though: It occurs to me that if you do faintly hear someone crying for help, with no other knowledge of their location, and your choices are to look for them in a forest or by a river, the forest does offer a better chance of hearing any further cries, since the river noise would likely mask the sound.)

Thanks for posting this series! I'm looking forward to the next installment - even if it is just another stock fantasy character terrorizing the same trio of bullies!

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

This may be fun to read for the purpose of writing snarky Realms Beyond posts, but it's not a good gamebook.

Dragons Realm:  Flee from bullies to discover an entire enchanted world, complete with exclusively-friendly dragons, lame but cool-looking magic, your long-lost cousin, and urgent (and quickly-forgotten) pleas for help - in which no one seems to have anything to do except sit around waiting for you to turn up so they can ...bully you, in most cases, but also show off for you and possibly teach you how to show off in similar ways too!  But no matter what you encounter, you will never lose sight of the most important thing to focus on with your astonishing discoveries:  The bullies who were calling you names, who you can now handle by ...bullying them.  But using the trappings of supernatural fantasy!

(I in no way object to having so many "good" endings in the current book, but I do object to nearly all the endings being pretty much the same, especially considering the nature of that sameness.  That and the execrable writing, especially with regard to characterization.  I will say one thing in its minimal defense though:  It occurs to me that if you do faintly hear someone crying for help, with no other knowledge of their location, and your choices are to look for them in a forest or by a river, the forest does offer a better chance of hearing any further cries, since the river noise would likely mask the sound.)

Thanks for posting this series!  I'm looking forward to the next installment - even if it is just another stock fantasy character terrorizing the same trio of bullies!

Posts like these make the whole project worth it!  


The "wait for your character to show up" part is especially true.  The dragon riders don't really do anything other than sit around in their mountain fortress and occasionally do stunts to entertain the locals.  As much as I make fun of Eragon, at least in that series dragon riders were a paramilitary force that tried to maintain order.  And in Pern, the dragon riders prevent aliens from eating most of the planet's ecosystem.


Now that I think about it, the wizards in Dragons Realm don't much apart from setting things on fire.  The only ambition Master Giddi has in one ending is to make chocolate, which you can do on Earth without magic.


I picked the river at the beginning because of the "follow water to find civilization" survival tip.  The cries for help mean nothing to the player character.  Maybe picking the forest at the beginning will resolve that plot?

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dragons Realm Alternate Endings Part 12 Setup


Let's go into the forest in CHOICE #2 and find out if RefSteel's suspicions about the cry for help are correct!


"The trail into the forest winds between massive trees with gray trunks wider than trucks.  The mysterious voice is still calling, but you can't really hear it with your ears, just in your mind.  Are you going crazy?"

"Help me.  Please".


A boy comes out of the trees and thinks I'm a wizard because I'm wearing "weird shoes" (i.e. sneakers).  Unfortunately, I can't respond "I'm not a wizard because wizards aren't good for anything in this setting".  The boy has "sturdy old-fashioned boots, rough-spun clothes, and tangled blond hair", as well as a sack on his shoulder.


Since my character's gender and culture are never mentioned, I can't tell him my name.  He insists on calling me Zeebongi the Great because "the old ones foretold of your coming" through a world gate.  Any attempts to reject the Zeebongi identity are explained by that being part of the prophecy too.


The boy's name is Wil, and he says he's training to be a dragon rider.  Not that it takes much, because dragon riders don't seem to have a profession other than looking cool.


For once, I ask about the cry for help.  Wil doesn't hear anything, so maybe it's like a voice in the player character's head.  After searching for a while, this happens:  "You follow him, scanning the ground in front of you and looking through the trees.  Stumbling over a tree root, you land face-first on the ground, near a bush."


"Watch out!'  the voice pipes up.  'You nearly squashed me".


The voice in the bush is coming from a purple dragonet named Spyro Aria.  Wil thinks this is astounding:  "You mind-melded with a dragonet, without touching it.  And you tried to tell me you weren't Zeebongi".


Aria says "I'm lost.  I fell out of my mother's saddlebag and landed here.  I'm lonely and hungry and need to go home".  Chances are she listened to Hans's "advice" in CHOICE #6. 


I ask Wil what dragons eat.  He says "meat", but he only has bread and cheese, like people in Victorian novels.  So I take the tuna out of my backpack.  Wil mistakes the candy bars for a kind of metal, and I pull my own Dragons Realm prank on him:  "Be careful', you say, 'it bites".


For whatever reason, this is chili tuna, and I have to explain that it's not "chilly" as in cold.  Then I addict Wil to chocolate just like everyone else in Dragons Realm:  "Will pops the chocolate into his mouth.  His eyebrows nearly pop off his head in surprise.  He gives you a chocolatey grin.  'This is good".


The chili tuna causes Aria to breathe fire and start running off.  Wil's surprised because dragons usually have to be older to do this.  Wil and Aria both ask for more food, and Wil's dialogue reads "But perhaps I can have another piece of that chocklick?"


Aria turns out to be the one who made the world gate in the first place.  "I made a world gate to save you from those horrible bullies, now it's your turn to help me".


Wil plans to walk to Montanara and visit the "blue guards", who turn out to be people who ride blue dragons.  Now I apparently have cookies, dried fruit, and potato chips too.  The player character's backpack seems to change a bit between timelines.


After this long exposition section, it's time for CHOICE #15.  Do I stop in Montanara to get supplies, or visit the blue guards first?  Let's try the latter.


We go through a dark part of the forest, and Aria starts singing badly.  Her voice is described as "shrill", "scratchy", and "off-key".


There are mosquitoes in Dragons Realm too, and they start biting.  Aria eats dragonflies instead.  I make a bad joke that eating dragonflies are like eating dragons' cousins.  That relationship only happens in Spyro games.


Will asks for more "chocklick".  He'll be the first sacrifice if some character has to die later.  At least I hope so.


Aria knows about the strongwood exercise regimen that makes magic redundant.  She also tells me about tharuks, and claims they aren't native to Dragons Realm:  "They came through a world gate. . ."


My sycophantic minion Wil keeps calling me "Great Zeebongi", and even my character's patience has limits.  Wil's also afraid of the potato chip bag.  Aria doesn't know what salty flavors taste like. 


Then some wolves appear.  We all get into the trees, including the dragonet.  CHOICE #16 is to either feed Aria more chili tuna so she can breathe fire, or convince her to use her awful singing to scare the wolves.


I fool Aria into thinking her singing would act as a lullaby.  "The wolves lie on the ground with their paws over their ears, whining".


As in every other route, the Thomsons show up.  But Bart is missing, and was last seen running from the wolves that Aria scared with her concert.  Becks and Bax are eager to meet the dragons, and Aria finally finds her mother.


Wil tells Becks and Bax "You should both bow before my friend here. . .It's not every day you meet someone so important".  He doesn't call me Zeebongi for once.


CHOICE #17 is to either join Wil and Aria and go to Dragon's Hold, or return home with Becks and Bax. The conclusion will be in the next post because this one has gone on for long enough.

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dragons Realm Alternate Endings Part 12


I'll go to Earth with Becks and Bax and see what happens.


Bart isn't dead after all.  He just had his clothes torn by the wolves.  He goes through the world gate with us.  I feed Aria some chili tuna when she goes through the portal, and her breath makes the Thomsons smell of smoke for the rest of the day.


"Only a few minutes have passed since you left.  In the distance the bus motor is still running.  Racing across the field, you are the last one aboard.  The only spare seats are down the back-with the Thomson twins.  Everyone looks at you sympathetically, expecting you'll have to stand all the way.


'We saved you a seat', Bart calls out.  'We told them to wait', Becks adds, as you plop down next to Bax.  There's shocked silence from the other students as the twins chat to you about how to beat wolves and how high you'd need to fly before there was no air to breathe.


The school picnic is great.  The Thomson twins are kind to everyone all day, although you have to laugh when the teacher gives them a detention.  She says they smell of smoke and won't believe them when they say they've never touched a cigarette in their lives.  From that day on, they treat you respectfully".


The epilogue text goes on to say that Aria sometimes takes me to Dragons Realm for "more adventures".  Yet another generic Good Ending.


Results So Far


12 Good Endings

1 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dragons Realm Alternate Endings Part 13


Time to take the other CHOICE #17 route and fly with Wil and Aria.


All the dragons thank us for saving Aria from their own saddlebag incompetence.  According to Wil, "Most people can't hear any dragons at all, and riders only hear their own dragons, but you're special. . .And you've also rescued a dragonet-tharuk monsters often kill dragon babies or even eat them!"


So dragons are terrible parents.  They don't at least bother to fight back when the tharuks attack?  I'm sure a fully-grown dragon should be able to take on orc rip-offs, at least.


The dragons offer a gift as a reward, and I ask so that Wil can become a dragon rider, and that Bart can have some new clothes.  They call me Zeebongi too.  My generosity inspires the dragons to let me ride Aria when she's older.  The Thomsons and I return to Earth for yet another bland Good Ending:


"Bart's eyes fly wide open and he gapes at you.  A rider passes him a tunic and trousers, and he ducks behind a dragon to get changed.  When he reappears he claps you on the shoulder.  'Thanks, buddy'.


Bart has never, ever called anyone buddy.  You nod.  'No problem'.  Zaarusha's voice rumbles through your mind.  'You've chosen a gift for Wil and Bart, but none for yourself, so we gift you the chance to become Aria's rider.'


Aria somersaults through the air to land on your chest, knocking you to the ground.  She licks your face like a dog, then flaps her wings in glee.  The air shimmers near you as a portal appears.  Aria's eyes whirl.  'I've opened a portal so you can go home.  You'll still hear from your world and I'll hear you.  When I'm older, you can return to be my rider'.


You and Bart tumble through the portal and catch up to Becks and Bax who are running for the bus.  The other kids love Bart's new rugged clothes, making him smile, instead of glowering at them like usual.  From that day on, the Thomson twins are always on their best behavior, looking out for others, and begging you to take them back to Dragons Realm.  Sometimes you take them on your adventures". 


It's getting hard to make snide remarks about this book when most of the endings are almost the same.  If you want a dragon CYOA, go play Choice of the Dragon instead and eat some princesses.  Once again, we get no details about what dragon riders DO in this world.  How long does it take for Aria to grow up considering the Narnia Time?


Results So Far


13 Good Endings

1 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dragons Realm Alternate Endings Part 14


Let's give the chili tuna to Aria in CHOICE #16.


Aria scares off one of the wolves, only for another to bite her tail.  I drop a tree branch on the wolf's head, and Aria breathes fire on its nose.  I shout "Get out of here, you overgrown doggies.  Go and bother someone else".  Wil cheers "Go, Zeebongi!  Scare those mangy mutts".


Becks and Bax enter the clearing, "panting and gasping".  Bax says "We're not twins any more.  There are only two of us now".  Wil responds "Everyone knows two means twins.  Even I can count better than them".


Bax says Bart "was eaten by an angry burned wolf".  Bax doesn't mind the apparent death of her brother at all:  "Now he won't force us into bullying Fart-face anymore.  Or anyone else".  Becks doesn't care about Bart either:  "It's just that I got my best boots dirty!"


Will suggests taking the remaining Thomsons to Dragon's Hold and becoming useless dragon riders.


Aria's mother appears again, and Will introduces me as the Great Gazoo Zeebongi. 


"Bax and Becks frown and mouth Zeebongi? at each other, then shrug.  You climb into the saddle behind the woman riding Aria's mother, admiring the dragon's glowing scales.  Wil, Bax, and Becks grin at you from their seats behind the blue guards.


Aria dives into her saddlebag, then pokes her nose out cheekily.  'I'm so glad you'll be my rider'.


'So am I', you say, grinning like an actor in a toothpaste commercial".


Hooray, it's another Good Ending!  Bart is probably dead, and nobody cares!  I even assimilate his toothpaste commercial smile from the beginning.


(My definition of a Good Ending for categorization purposes is if player characters and the people they like end the adventure better off than before, according to the author's interpretation.)



Results So Far


14 Good Endings

1 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dragons Realm Alternate Endings Part 15


This adventure will take us to Montanara to look for food, according to CHOICE #15.


I ask Wil about the strongwood trees.  He says "The blacksmith's son in our village told me that if you exercise under their branches for longer than an hour, you get strong really quickly.  But we all laughed at him".


He assumes that all blacksmiths' children are naturally strong.  In a world with dragons and magic, you'd think he'd be a bit less skeptical of strongwood.


Wil has bad taste in music, according to the narrator:  "If you only had your MP3 player, you could teach him something about real  music".


Chocolate results in Aria "zigzagging around like a crazed chicken".  Again with the chocolate smuggling storylines!


We go through some farmland to reach Montanara, a town filled with "densely-packed" thatch cottages.  Wil comments on the stables, saying "but I guess you knew that already, being the All-knowing One".


Various people mill about the town milking goats, eating roasted apples, and haggling.  Giant John happens to be in town, and Wil briefly greets him before moving on.


Wil makes a scene by calling me "Zeebongi the Magnificent" in front of everyone.  I thought only Suleiman I of the Ottoman Empire was allowed to have that title.  This draws the attention of a troop of tharuks.


CHOICE #18 is to hide in the marketplace, or hide in the stables.  Let's go to the stables to humiliate Wil!


"A few stray chickens are still flapping and cackling in the air, hopefully giving you cover".  Wait a minute, chickens that cackle?  Are these Chickens That Are Not Chickens, as seen in the Sword of Truth series?


Like the proverbial bad penny, the Thomsons are back again.  This time, they're shoveling manure as punishment for Bart stealing pies.  (Yet another route inconsistency.)  Bart's also allergic to horses.


The tharuks make a comment about how humans wouldn't hide in manure, and goes over to where Aria is hiding.  One tharuk is drawing a sword.  Aria farts, which creates a smell worse than the horse manure.  Apparently, Aria also ate the candy bar wrapper too, as confetti flies everywhere.


Aria sets one tharuk on fire, and Bart conks the monster on the head with a shovel.  Becks puts out the stable fire before it an spread.


CHOICE #19 is to either leave in Giant John's wagon, or fight the tharuks in the stables.


"I'm staying,' you say, 'even if it's alone'.


'Rather you than me', says Bart, and jumps into the wagon.  Bax and Becks squeeze in after him.  'On second thoughts, I'll think you'll be fine on your own,' Wil says nervously, jumping in the wagon too.  'I'm sorry, Zeebongi.  Good luck'.


Aria wraps her tail around your neck and nuzzles your face.  'Thank you for helping me, but I need to get back to my mother.'  Jumping into the wagon, she snuggles up to Wil.  Giant John shakes his head.  'Are you sure?'  You nod.


He slams the side of the wagon shut and leaps onto the seat.  Snapping the reigns [sic], he drives out the gate, leaving you alone.  Tharuks race into the stable yards, tusks dribbling dark saliva and red eyes gleaming.  Their roaring stops.  The stench of rotten flesh wafts on the breeze.  Silently, they surround you, their claws at the ready.  You gulp.


'Where's that delicious baby dragon?'  barks one.  'I know you had it'.  'I d-don't know what you're talking about, I'm j-just a stable hand', you stutter.


'If we can't have dragonet dinner, we'll settle for stable hand stew', says another.  They laugh menacingly and close in'.


All my companions ditch me and leave me to be eaten by tharuks.  Maybe Zeebongi the Magnificent should have offered them chocolate.


Results So Far


14 Good Endings

2 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dragons Realm Alternate Endings Part 16


I'll prevent the Great Zeebongi from committing suicide by tharuks in this ending.


Wil says I can trust Giant John, because he's known him for a long time.  We all hide in the hidden compartment, including Aria.  "Every cobble rattles through the metal-bound cartwheels, jarring your bones".


We hear a fight when some tharuks confront Giant John.  They apparently like onions.


Wil stinks because his clothes are covered in horse manure, and then Bart starts farting.  Aria says "This is torture for a sensitive dragon nose".  Once we get out of the wagon, we meet the blue guards.  We all fly off towards Dragon's Hold.  Aria's mother grants me permission to be a dragon rider, and CHOICE #20 is to either remain at Dragon's Hold or to say goodbye to Aria and go back to Earth.


I say goodbye to everyone, and Wil continues to flatter me:  "Zeebongi, thank you for bringing me to Dragons Realm.  You're so clever.  I'll always remember how you fed Aria the pepper fish so she could flame that tharuk.  You're so wise".  Does anyone else have the voice of Oblivion's Adoring Fan in their heads as they read Wil's dialogue?


This eventually leads to yet another pointless Good Ending.


"You all race for the bus.  Once on board, the teacher keeps checking everyone's shoes for poo, and when they all turn up clean, can't understand where the smell of dung is coming from.  At the picnic, your friends can't figure out how you made friends with the Thomson twins, and ask you 'Why do the Thomson twins call you the Great Zeebongi?'


'It's because Highly-esteemed Zeebongi the Magnificent is too tricky to pronounce!'


The Thomson twins laugh, and Bart says to your friends, 'By the way, can't you count?  We're not twins, we're triplets!'  You never have a problem with the Thomsons again.  In fact, they stop bullying people, and you become friends, visiting Dragons Realm together whenever Aria creates a portal".


Results So Far


15 Good Endings

2 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dragons Realm Alternate Endings Part 17


Staying with Aria at Dragon's Hold in CHOICE #20 gives us another generic dragon rider ending.  Wil introduces me as Zeebongi.  Marlies offers to train me, and promises to make world gates whenever I need to go back to Earth.


Bart says "Um, thanks.  You really aren't so bad after all".


"People back home would find your tale of meeting dragons unlikely, but they'd never believe Bart Thomson was thanking you.


Your new life at Dragons' Hold is full of adventure and everyone honors you as Zeebongi, even the Thomson twins, who smile but don't tell anyone your real name.  Aria and Wil become your best friends.  Marlies trains you in archery, sword fighting, and riding techniques. 


Aria grows quickly and is soon large enough for you to ride.  You enjoy cruising through the skies on dragon back.  Now and then, you go back through a portal to see your family, amazed at how little time has gone by on Earth.  Who knows, maybe one day you'll convince them to come to Dragons Realm too".


If the dragon riders fight, who are their opponents?  The tharuks?  If so, they're not doing a very good job because dragonets keep getting eaten.  Also, wouldn't my family think the rapid aging is a bit weird?  Remember the timeline where Peter appeared. . .


Results So Far


16 Good Endings

2 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dragons Realm Alternate Endings Part 18


Time to hide in the Montanara marketplace and hope the tharuks don't eat me in CHOICE #18.


Aria tries hide in a pile of hats, but this isn't successful.  Wil grabs her and runs off, and one tharuk takes my backpack. 


The bystanders send livestock charging through to and wave fabrics to throw the tharuks off our trail.  But the tharuks capture the Thomsons and tie them to a wagon.  "Even though they've bullied you and teased you, you can't leave them here with those monsters".  Why does my character care about them in this timeline, considering how easy Zeebongi shrugged off Bart's death in another universe?


Bart shouts "Food fight!" and throws pies at the tharuks.  Aria sings, forcing the tharuk to drop the backpack.  I fied her chili tuna and she starts breathing fire at the tharuk.


The blue guards along with Aria's mother come, and they offer to let me stay with them. 


"Mother wants to know if you'd like to come to Dragons Hold with us,'  Aria says in your mind.


'But my family. . .'  'Don't worry, I can make a portal for you to visit home, any time you want.'  You smile.  'Aria, I'd love to stay in Dragons Realm.  That would be awesome'.


Wil hears you.  'You're staying?  Zeebongi, that's wonderful.'  You turn to the Thomson twins.  'Do you want to stay here or go?'


Becks grins.  'I'd like to learn how to make these crazy hats.'  'Go home and leave these delicious pastries behind?'  Bart licks his fingers.  'No way!'  'I love the dragons', says Bax.


'The blue guards will be back soon.  I'm sure they'll take us all to Dragons Hold, Zeebongi', say Wil.


'There's only one thing'.  Bart Thomson stares at you intently.  'Go on.  Tell Wil your real name'.


'Alright', you sigh.  'My name is-'


'Zeebongi!'  The Thomson twins chorus, interrupting you.  You know you'll never be able to use your real name again!"


Yet another Good Ending where I become a dragon rider, but the dialogue is a little different.


Results So Far


17 Good Endings

2 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings