Gamebooks (Choose Your Own Adventure Style)

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dungeon of Doom Alternate Endings Part 7


The Nammering fight doesn't go any better than the Zenobian Snapper battle.  Tina may have seen one before, but her character was killed before she could do anything.  Jim casts his Sun Flash spell to use as a flashbang.


"Cover your eyes!'  Zim warns.  Something flashes so brightly that you see a silhouette of the bones in your hand.  You lower your hand and open your eyes.  The room looks empty.  Has the Nammering been frightened away?


Keeping her distance from any shadows, Tina leads the way into the room.  She stops mid-step.  'Um, I just thought of an itsy-bitsy flaw in our plan.  There can't be an exit in this room, coz if there was, the Nammering would have escaped through it long ago.  So how exactly are we going to get out?'  Oh.  Hadn't thought of that.


From outside comes the sort of noise you imagine a giant head would make when finally smashing through a wrought iron gate.  'Can we barricade the door?'  you ask, pushing it closed.


It's a real fancy door-its inside is covered in elaborate carvings of strange animals.  Why would someone go to the trouble of carving all over a door, and then use the room to keep a monster in?  Although maybe this room was never designed to hold monsters.


Too late, you notice the door's looking back at you with a row of black eyes.  That's no carving, it's the Nammering lying in wait.  The last thing you ever see its it lunging at you, mouths wide open".


Another "last thing you see" Death. 


Results So Far


2 Good Endings

4 Deaths

2 Game Overs

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dungeon of Doom Alternate Endings Part 8


Following Jim's Invisibility spell plan in CHOICE #8 returns you to CHOICE #1 with slightly different text.


The only way left is to visit the goblins.  They smell like "a mixture of wet dog and broccoli", and they can be fearsome in groups of hundreds or thousands.  You'd think Jim would have area of effect spells for scenarios like this, but no, he seems to be useless in combat.


These goblins are painting a mural of all three of our characters.  Tina suggests "Nah, a goblin isn't smart enough to think of that.  Their idea of comedy is giggling while they bite off someone's fingers and toes".  So perhaps they're compelled by magic to do this.


Jim points to ivy, which hints at a way outside.  But I caution that in Level 49, our party almost died in an "outdoorsy part" featuring wolves, lightning, and a carnivorous tree.  Staying inside may be less dangerous.


"If we die here inside the game, what happens?  Are we just sent back to our last Save Point?  Or do we die in the real world too?"  For the first time, my character hints at real world consequences for this magical virtual reality.


My options in CHOICE #9 are to either go to the narrow doorway labeled Beware with no magic, or make Jim cast Invisibility and head towards the ivy.


Tina's not confident in Jim's wizardry:  "Yeah, 'dying'-as in, we usually die whenever you try a new spell".  Are any of these characters effective in combat?  Most of the times we try to fight end in failure, and stealth and non-combat magic are more successful.  Tina must feel like a sucker when she plays a fighter!


I'll try to make it to the Beware door without using the dark arts.  "Zim and Tina are still behind the fallen statue, pushing and shoving each other and arguing in loud whispers.  Idiots".  Once the goblins hear them and attack, we get this exchange:  "It's all her fault', Zim shouts.  'It's all his fault', Tina shouts, at the same time.  They're still arguing?"


At last, we make it through a red door, and enter a room which Tina describes as "sort of steampunky".


The narration says "The room's circular, with tarnished brass walls, floor and ceiling, and is lit by gas lamps.  No one's running around wearing goggles and a bowler hat and talking in a bad British accent though".


How common is this sort of behavior?  Have any of my readers run into people on the street who talk in an imitation British accent while wearing goggles?


The floor spins around, and the walls go in the opposite direction.  We see several doors, which means CHOICE #10 is another Let's Make a Deal game!


Jim says the room is "worse than a roller coaster", to which Tina responds "You've never ridden a roller coaster.  Riding a plastic horsey on a carousel with your seven-year-old brother doesn't count."  Then Jim insists "That horse was a public safety hazard!  I complained to the manager!"


Behind Door #1:  "The white door is plain and smooth, and hums like a refrigerator.  Maybe it really is a refrigerator, with milk cartons, eggs and carrots inside?"


Behind Door #2:  "The yellow door has a brass button at knee level.  Below it, 'Don't Press Me' is engraved in Dwarvish.  If the door's for dwarves, why is it normal height?"


Behind Door #3:  "The purple door is lined with rows of silver rivets shaped like little skulls.  With fangs.  Charming".


Taking the white door sends us through a loop, towards a room that has seemingly the same three doors.  Jim's sunglasses detect "ultraviolet" behind the purple door this time, which can only mean necromancy.  "Necro Nancy?  Never heard of her.'  She's lying-she just loves winding Zim up".  Tina and Jim are arguing yet again.


I do get another "hint" before CHOICE #11:  "Although Zim could be wrong-he's not the smartest wizard around".  How did these 3 make it to level 100 in the first place?


I'll let Tina open the purple door here.  Apart from an "icy blast of air", nothing happens yet.  Jim warns us "That could mean we drop dead the moment we step in.  Or there could be dozens of monsters hiding among the bones.  Or it could mean the room's harmless, and some necromancer's favorite interior decorating color is ultra-violet.  Us magicians are weird".


See what I mean about the perils of trusting wizards?  I see a black door with a black frame, with black symbols.  This must be my elven senses kicking in, as Jim can only see it when he casts an Owl Sight spell.  It's a Sanctuary Portal, like on Level 44.  Tina remembers that Sanctuary Portals fully heal "health points" and "armor points".  Not that entering combat and using our HP and AP has done us any good. . .


Tina charges in, before turning back out of concern when she sees the old weapons on the floor.  Jim doesn't have a plan.  Various mismatched skeletons rise from the ground, whether with 2 skulls, 3 legs, 6 arms, or "dozens of human ribcages". 


"Run for the portal!' you yell.  Tina takes the lead, swinging her sword at skeletons that come too close.  They shatter and fall.  More quickly replace them.  Zim zaps skeletons with his wand, but the death magic is too strong-they just stagger and pause, before resuming a zombie-like march towards you.  Your arrows whoosh harmlessly through skeletons' ribcages.  You karate-kick a three-headed skeleton as it reaches out a bony hand, and run faster, dodging anything that moves.


The Sanctuary Portal is close now, mostly thanks to Tina smiting skeletons out of the way.  Thousands of bones rattle, dance into the air, and form a hideous octopus-shaped bone monster as tall as the ceiling.  'Join us', it whispers.  Tina lops off one bony tentacle, but is knocked to the floor by another.  'Your mortal blades and arrows cannot kill me', the monster whispers.


Okay, that gives you an idea.  You grab a long straight bone from the floor, and shoot it like an arrow into the monster's glowing eye, hoping that death magic can be hurt by more death magic.  It works-sort of.  The monster shrieks and collapses, thrashing its tentacles.


'Run for your lives!' you yell, sure this is your final chance.  You dodge a dozen snapping jaws, stomp on one bony tentacle, and stumble the last few steps to the warmth and safety of the Sanctuary Portal. 


Someone screams.  You whirl around.  Zim and Tina are dangling from the monster's tentacles.  'No!' you scream.  In a flash of violet light, they both turn to skeletons, and fall to the floor amongst the millions of other bones.


Level Exit appears on the Portal's floor under your feet.  Suddenly you're back in the real world, sitting at the kitchen table and shivering, staring at the words Game Over on your laptop screen.


You're alone, but weren't you playing with. . .um, a wizard and warrior?  They saved you, didn't they?  What were their names?  It's fading fast, like waking after a nightmare.  Something about a skeleton octopus?  No, that doesn't make sense, octopuses don't have skeletons.  Maybe you imagined the whole thing.


Onscreen, words flicker.  Dungeon of Doom.  Gave Over.  Try again?  Again?  You don't remember playing it at all".


For whatever reason, the epilogue text says "Congratulations, you've finished this part of your story", as if it were a Good Ending.  But Tina and Jim die in a necromancer chamber, and Velzon soon forgets them.  Won't their families be concerned, at least?


Results So Far


2 Good Endings

4 Deaths

3 Game Overs

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dungeon of Doom Alternate Endings Part 9


CHOICE #10 is perhaps the most complicated CHOICE I've seen in this thread.  Refusing to let Tina open the purple door sends you back to a variant of CHOICE #10, with only the white and yellow options available.  Picking the yellow door immediately in the 1st version of this CHOICE results in a dwarven voice saying "Can't you read?"  To go through that, you have to pick the white door, then pick yellow.  But going through the purple door yourself instead of Tina results in this ending.


It's mostly a variation of the previous Game Over, but much more fortunate for Tina and Jim.


"Join us', whisper hundreds of icy voices around the room.  Thousands of bones rattle and connect into nightmarish mutant skeletons with too many heads or limbs.  Their skulls' empty eye sockets glow purple.  'Join us forever', their voices whisper.  'No thanks.'  Tina beheads a skeleton with her sword before it can grab her.


Zim waves his wand and zaps a few skeletons.  They don't fall, just stagger then resume a zombie-like march towards you.  Your arrows are useless, whooshing through skeletons' ribcages.  How are you supposed to kill something already dead?  The three of you fight back to back, but are surrounded.  The last thing you see is an eight-tentacled bone monster looming over you, then a flash of icy violet light.


Suddenly you're all back in the real world, sitting at the kitchen table and shivering.  The words Game Over sparkle on your laptop screen.  Tina hugs herself.  'Why is it so cold in here?  What happened?'


'Weren't we playing a computer game?'  Zim asks.  'Something about a giant purple octopus skeleton?'.  'Something like that, I think', you say.  'No, that can't be right.  Octopuses don't have skeletons.'


'Stupid game, whatever it was.  See you guys next week.'  Tina leaves, carefully walking around the purple rug on the floor".


Is the goal of this book to kill off Tina and Jim and escape the game solo?  I'm suspicious because for this ending where they survive, I receive the message "Sorry, this part of your story is over", the typical epilogue texts for failures.  And I get a "Congratulations" when Tina and Jim disappear for good?


This party could benefit from a cleric, or at least some form of Turn Undead spell.  I don't know whether those exist in Dungeon of Doom.


Results So Far


2 Good Endings

4 Deaths

4 Game Overs

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dungeon of Doom Alternate Endings Part 10


The 2nd variation of the yellow door is much smaller than the first, and now has a "Press Me" button.  Jim's the only one to realize that it's meant to be dwarf-sized rather than a doggy door.


Tina mistakes the dwarf for a man because she has a beard.  These must be like Discworld dwarves.  The dwarven sense of humor involves suggesting that our legs be cut off by an axe to fit under the low ceiling.


A door labeled Grash'krgl leads us into a throne room that's the greatest I've seen in any "dwarf citadel".  Everything glitters with gemstones, and the throne itself has a "pearl-like jewel the size of a football".  Is this fútbol or fútbol americano we're talking about here?  This book is from New Zealand, but they make concessions to Yanquis like me by spelling "color" without the superfluous "u".


Tina makes a joke explanation of the situation:  "They think we're the three glorious tall emperors foretold by ancient dwarven prophecy.  Any moment now, they'll be back with our coronation feast of spicy fried chicken, strawberry smoothies, and chocolate brownies dipped in chocolate sauce".


Something's going wrong when the dwarves lock us in the room.  A stone shark fin can be seen as it swims underground.  For once, all 3 of us know about this new monster, although Jim's surprised that we do. 


No, we didn't learn about it by reading GameFAQs or watching a Let's Play like sensible gamers.  Tina read a "cool graphic novel where an evil queen used stone sharks to destroy her enemy's fortress.  Great plan, until the sharks accidentally crushed her to death during her victory parade".  This evil virtual reality trap has tie-in comics?!


Senior lithomancers can control stone sharks, but of course Jim isn't "even a junior lithomancer".  Does he say "I'm not that kind of wizard" every time someone asks him to cast a spell?


Jim returns to the door and knocks on it to ask "Excuse me dwarves.  That huge pearly gem on top of your throne-did you dig it up recently?"  "Yes, the Moonstone was unearthed just six days ago, in our new Krlb'zgrb mine".  Is the dwarven language an "impure abjad" where most vowels are omitted? 


The dwarves think we're "magical pest exterminators" and want us to get rid of the stone shark.  And that's not a Moonstone stolen from India like in the Wilkie Collins novel, but rather a stone shark egg!  When we dislodge it with my dagger and Tina's sword, the dwarves charge in shouting "give that back now" while dual wielding axes.


CHOICE #12 is to either throw the egg to the dwarves or the shark.  Giving it to the shark is the right thing to do for a better ending.


"The dwarves don't have any right to steal the stone shark's egg.  It's not a jewel, no matter how pretty it looks.  Hoping this isn't a huge mistake, you wait for the stone shark to glide back into view, then toss the egg towards it.  Stone sharks are eyeless, but somehow it senses the approaching egg.  It changes direction, leaps into the air and swallows the egg whole, then disappears into the floor.


'Just like I said, you can't trust elves and humans.  Kill them!' yells the largest dwarf, and raises the axes in his (or her) hands.  'Look!'  Zim points to the throne's seat, where the words Level Exit have suddenly appeared.


An axe flashes past your head.  Ouch, what happened?  You reach up and discover half your left ear is gone.  Tina collapses with an axe in her helmet, and Zim's bleeding too-he's lost two fingers.  You and he drag Tina onto the throne, and-


Suddenly, you're back in the real world, sitting at the kitchen table, staring at the words Bonus Level Completed on your laptop screen.  'I've got a splitting headache', Tina rubs her unmarked forehead.  'My knees hurt too.  I'm out of here'.


'My knees hurt, and my hand hurts'.  Jim counts his fingers carefully.  'My pointy left ear hurts', you say.  'As well as my knees'.


'You don't have pointy ears.'  'Um, yeah, right.  What were we playing?  I can't remember a thing about it.  Something about knees and eggs?  Doesn't make sense.'


He shrugs.  'See you next week.  I'm going home to feed my fish.  Don't know why I just thought of that".


Another Good Ending with no consequences.  This could have been a better story if the players received real world injuries that correspond to their characters, and then realizing an evil force is behind Dungeon of Doom's developer or something.  Compare that to Peter Friend's other book Deadline Delivery, where even getting $20 means your character will have a much better life than before.



Results So Far


3 Good Endings

4 Deaths

4 Game Overs

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dungeon of Doom Alternate Endings Part 11


The ending where I throw the egg to the dwarves instead of the shark in CHOICE #12 isn't much different in terms of real world consequences.


"Sure,' you tell the dwarves.  'Catch it if you can'.  You toss the egg down the steps to your left, not directly towards the dwarves.  As you'd hoped, it bounces unpredictably, and the dwarves chase after it.  Meanwhile, the three of you race down the other side of the throne platform, heading for the open door.  It was never a great plan, just the best you could think of at the time.  And it almost works. . .until two snarling dwarves block your path.  They raise their throwing axes, but are interrupted by shouting and screaming from other dwarves.


A dwarf runs past, holding the egg, but is hit by a grey blur-the stone shark-and becomes a long red bloodstain.  The egg bounces twice, is caught by one terrified-looking dwarf who quickly tosses it to another, who in turn tries outrunning the shark, unsuccessfully.  The gg bounces away again.  The enraged shark headbutts a stone pillar, then the throne platform, which both creak and collapse into rubble.  You can't see the egg anymore, and apparently neither can the dwarves-they're running in all directions.  Hopefully they've forgotten about you.


'Let's get out of here before the shark destroys the whole place!'  Tina drags you towards the door.  'Where's Zim?'  She points back to where Zim lies on the floor, a dwarf axes in his head.  'We have to go, no!'  The shark rams a wall, huge granite blocks tumble all around, and everything turns black.


Suddenly you're all back in the real world, sitting at the kitchen table.  On your laptop screen are the words Game Over.  'I've got a splitting headache', Jim says, rubbing his forehead.  'What were we playing?  I can't remember a thing.'


Tina shrugs.  'Something about eggs?  No, that doesn't sound right.'  'I'm sure there was a shark', you say.  'Fairly sure.  It's all fading.  Hey, does anyone else have sore knees?"


Our epilogue text is "Sorry, this part of your story is over".  Success can be indistinguishable from failure in Dungeon of Doom.  In any other CYOA, Dungeon of Doom "Good Endings" would be Neutral Endings.



Results So Far


3 Good Endings

4 Deaths

5 Game Overs

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dungeon of Doom Alternate Endings Part 12


Let's sneak past the goblins with Jim's Invisibility spell in CHOICE #9.  


"Zim hums, makes a gargling noise, shakes his fingers, and spins his wand from hand to hand.  'Didn't work.  We're still totally visible', Tina says.  'I haven't cast the spell yet.  That was just my stretching exercises".


The real way he casts Invisibility is this:  "Zim pulls a leather-bound book from his robes and opens it.  He mutters, wriggles his fingers, and twirls his wand, faster and faster".


Jim drops his wand and picks it back up, and the goblins seem to notice, at least by our smell.   They see us when I step in wet paint after they throw it on the floor.  But the goblins don't want to bother with the ivy, and instead go back to their mural.


When Tina tries to convince Jim to remove the Invisibility spell with "Please, o mighty Wizard Zim, we humbly beg thee to remove thy super cool spell, yeah, thanks", it turns out he isn't here!  Tina vanishes too after something moves around in the ivy.  And now the ivy is wrapping around me.


CHOICE #13 is to either cut the ivy or let it take me somewhere.


Going with the ivy makes Jim lose his wand, healing potions, wizard hat, left boot, and Big Book of Spells. 


"Big Book of Spells?  sneers a deep voice".  No evil wizard is complete without sneering, as shown in Poul Anderson's On Thud and Blunder.  "No proper wizard needs to carry a book of spells.  Show yourselves, worms!"


Tina's weapons are gone too, and my dagger is now a daffodil.  The enemy wizard is "a short figure wearing a very tall green hat, so tall that the tip scrapes along the glass ceiling.  His robes and boots are also green.  Even his long white beard's a little greenish-moss or mold, perhaps".


The goblins painting the mural were working for the Emerald Sage, the wizard who stands before us.  He's a "hortimancer", according to my elf knowledge.  Jim asks for his other boot back, and the Emerald Sage sneers and turns his foot into a block of wood.


The Emerald Sage takes us behind the mural, which is a sort of magical security camera.  We see a woman in her 70s sleeping in a bed.  All 3 of us guess she's Sleeping Beauty.  "This isn't the first weird fairytale you've encountered in Dungeon of Doom.  There were three grumpy porridge-loving bears on Level 82".


Princess Valeria had been cursed for over 52 years.  The Emerald Sage didn't have the arcane knowledge at the time to break the enchantment, but he's certain his plan will succeed with our help.  "But when I release her from the spell, she'll be so grateful that she'll fall in love with me.'  Is he really that dumb?  Tina rolls her eyes.  She hates kissy stuff". 


The evil wizard demands that we "volunteer" to go into the thorns so he can cast a counter-spell.  That didn't save all those dead princes who came before the 100 year spell expired in old Sleeping Beauty versions, did it?


Tina doesn't believe the Emerald Sage for a second, while Jim thinks it's a "logic puzzle, like on Level 59".  If anyone should know not to trust wizards, it's another wizard.  This of course is CHOICE #14.


So let's help the Emerald Sage and see what happens.  Jim asks if the spell is "Hyper-dimensional Glass" or "Daemonic Vortex Wall", but the Emerald Sage says it's "Curse of Eternal Thorns".  Jim then wonders what the "thaumaturgical constriction" is.  It's a prophecy that reads like this:


"Below the earth, in caverns deep
the princess shall forever sleep
bewitched, until a worthy mind
can slay the thorns, not thorns, and find
beneath these words, the truth.  Or else


The last stone is blank".


Tina says Jim is "an ace at prophecies, crosswords, and Sudoku".  The Emerald Sage mistakes the latter 2 for spells, and thinks Jim may be worth more than previously expected.  He casts Inexorable March on us to keep us moving involuntarily before preparing Botanical Discombobulation.  I figure out that the thorns aren't thorns, and may actually be snakes.  One of Jim's most basic spells is Serpentine Snooze, and that doesn't even need a wand.


"He waves his arms like the world's worst disco dancer, while chanting something that sounds like a drain unblocking".  The snakes fall and go to sleep "before you can make an Indiana Jones joke".


Turns out Princess Valeria cast the spell on herself.  "Being a princess was so boring.  Mom and Dad were trying to marry me off to every second prince who walked past, and I hadn't met even one I liked.  Such a buncho f fools.  One day, I found this old book in the library, full of exciting spells.  I thought, why not create a magical puzzle and see which prince is smart enough to solve it?  I expected someone would work it out in a few days or weeks at most.  But none of them did.  Everyone gave up after a month or so.  Except you, not-prince Norman".


The Emerald Sage's name is Norman.  "But still, fifty-two years?  And then these three solve it for you?  Well, at least you never gave up on me, Norman.  I appreciate that.  I'm terribly thirsty.  Let's have a chat over a nice cup of tea.  People still drink tea, don't they?  Good.  Come on, dear."


We get no reward from this at all, to which Tina says "Ungrateful sod!"  She dislikes all non-warrior princesses.  But there's a Level Exit area under Valeria's bed.  We get "two crowns, a bracelet and a diamond necklace, followed by a stream of gold coins".


"We won!'  Jim says.  'That was cool.  Wow, is that the time?  I'd better get home for lunch.  See you guys back here next Saturday to play Level 101.'  He folds up his laptop, grabs a walking stick and limps out the door, going step-thud-step-thud-step-thud.


'Um', you say to Tina.  'Was Jim's foot always like that?'  She frowns.  'Can't remember it.  It. . .must have been, right?'


You go to the window and look out.  There's Jim, going step-thud-step-thud-step-thud on the pavement.  On the other side of the road is an old couple in their seventies, out for a stroll.  They're both dressed in green and look familiar somehow.  They see Jim, and the woman says something to the man.  Reluctantly, he waves something twig-like.  Jim's walking stick vanishes, and he walks away normall, not even noticing the magical change.


'You have weird neighbors', Tina says.  'See you next week".


We might have some real consequences, only to render them meaningless with magical amnesia.  Oh well, at least I resolved the Sleeping Beauty subplot this time!



Results So Far


4 Good Endings

4 Deaths

5 Game Overs

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dungeon of Doom Alternate Endings Part 13


We finally receive an interesting ending by refusing to help the Emerald Sage in CHOICE #14.


"The Emerald Sage turns towards the princess for a moment.  You nod to Tina and Zim, and the three of you run for the doorway.  Not as quietly as you'd hoped-Zim's wooden foot thumps on the floor with every second step.  Something behind you zaps, and. . .


Suddenly you're back in the real world.  But something's wrong.  Very wrong.  There's the kitchen, and the table, and three laptops, looking perfectly normal.  Except. . .you're in a bath?  With two giant yellow flowers next to you?  Oh, you're a giant yellow flower too.  No, this isn't a bath, it's an ordinary vase on the window sill, which means. . .


'He's turned us into daffodils', you tell the other two flowers-presumably Jim and Tina.  Or at least, you try to speak, except you don't have a mouth.  Whoever heard of talking flowers?


That makes you want to laugh, except you can't laugh either.  Then you can't remember what was funny, and then you can't remember anything at all.  Everything turns a beautiful shade of emerald green.  Forever".


The party's human personalities disappear and become mindless flowers.  A creative Death worthy of a CYOA.  For all the complaints I make about this book, I have to give it credit where it's due.




Results So Far


4 Good Endings

5 Deaths

5 Game Overs

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

You Say Which Way:  Dungeon of Doom Finale


Our final ending isn't much of a finale for this book, but it will have to do.  To get this one, I cut the ivy with my dagger instead of going to meet Norman the Emerald Sage.


"You slash at the ivy with your dagger.  The green tendrils part and fall away, but more replace them.  You slash again, but your dagger's not much of a pruning knife.  Soon, ivy wraps your hands and feet, squeezing in a deadly embrace.  It sprouts into your nose, your ears, your eyes, until. . .


Suddenly you're back in the real world, alone, scrunched up on the kitchen floor and gasping for breath.  On the table above you, the words Game Over sparkle on your laptop screen.  Huh?  Why are you on the floor?  Weren't you playing with your friends?  Where are they, and. . .why can't you even remember their names?


On the far side of the room, a pot plant's leaves quiver in a draft.  For some reason that you can't explain, you shiver".


Another pointless Game Over.  Tina and Jim must not be as important as Velzon the elf, so they die.


Final Results


4 Good Endings

5 Deaths

6 Game Overs

0 Neutral Endings

0 Inconclusive Endings


For a book with a simple premise, Dungeon of Doom is not a good CYOA.  The beginning suggests that you'll fight monsters just like in the game the kids are playing, but it seems every attempt at a battle ends in disaster.  CHOICEs sometimes don't give you the information necessary to avoid feeling cheated.  The worst example is the incident where the players fall down a trap door after making the reasonable decision to distrust the Moist Queen. 


Endings are arbitrary.  Sometimes, when the players die, they return to the real world with nothing worse than mild pain.  Other paths result in Tina and Jim disappearing forever, but not Velzon.  Or sometimes you'll die within the game itself.  In the few cases that you win, you don't receive any notable rewards.  The chance at a new perspective on life once the players realize that magic exists is thwarted when they suffer from instant amnesia.  Or they just don't care.  You'd think people from Earth would care more about something that snaps physics in half.




As for the next book for this thread, I'm not quite sure yet.  I could move on to the final You Say Which Way in this collection:  Movie Mystery Madness.  Alternatives could include a couple of Spanish books.  Andrés Reina has El Misterio de la Casa Abandonada, which seems like another haunted house scenario.  Or maybe something else.  I'm looking on Project Aon's Spanish forums, which is how I found No Me Llames Tami.



EDIT:  Other potential Spanish choices are in the Jugamos a una Aventura ("Let's Play an Adventure") series by Jaime Blanch Queral from Spain.  The entries available on the Kindle store are as follows:


1.  La Extraña Niebla Roja ("The Strange Red Fog")

2.  El Elfo de las Nieves ("The Snow Elf")

3.  Desaparición en el Campamento ("Disappearance in the Camp")

4.  Aventura Espacial ("Space Adventure")

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Choose Your Own Adventure Awards


Before starting La Extraña Niebla Roja, I might as well hand out some impromptu awards.  If any of my readers want to hand out arbitrary awards too, feel free to post.  You can make your own categories too if you want.



Best CYOA


-La Prisión:  The author clearly wanted to make the book feel like a men's prison melodrama, and he achieved it.  La Prisión mostly plays fair with its decisions, and characters behave consistently between different paths, which can't be taken for granted in other CYOAs.  Those interested in Spain's culture will find some fun references too.



Worst CYOA


-22 Minutos:  Tibicenas.  Its "real time" choice gimmick creates repetitive routes that mostly end in wolf bites or fire.  The path to victory is also so convoluted I couldn't find a way to reach it without cheating.  Especially when the player character sometimes has the necessary idol, only to forget it in the Cave of Despair.  (This name is my own invention, and not mentioned anywhere in the story.)



Least Proofread CYOA


-La Isla de los Dodos.  There are 2 page 70s and 2 page 80s, which can create confusion in a non-linear narrative like this.  One villain named Madame Clotilde is male in a few lines by mistake.  And worst of all, one route says "Pass directly to Option 40". . .when La Isla de los Dodos has no Option 40.  The lack of hyperlinks in the Kindle version meant that I had to use the search function to proceed.




Most Helpful Supporting Character


-Félix from La Prisión.  His MacGyver inventions such as the rocket and the glider gave me a good CANONICAL ENDING, as well as two other Good Endings.  Even when dying on one route, he still gives the opportunity to escape.



Most Annoying Supporting Character


-Wil from Dragons Realm.  His flattery of the player character "Zeebongi" and insistence on calling chocolate "chocklick" will make readers regret that there is no option to sacrifice him even in a Bad Ending.



Most Superfluous Major Supporting Character


-Dungeon of Doom.  Tina Warrior Princess is a fighter in an RPG where direct combat always ends in failure.  The most she has to contribute is some dialogue, while you have elven senses and Wizard Zim has the occasional utility spell.



Most Anticipated Supporting Character


-The Rings of Saturn.  The chance to see Greatheart, aka Drill Sergeant Flipper, was the whole reason I bought that book and began the Gamebooks thread!



Best CANONICAL ENDING


-La Prisión.  I escape with Félix by communicating with his outside contacts.  This destroys the ARTUS prison conspiracy, and it's likely I retire to a tropical island with Félix when he finds his gold stash.



Worst CANONICAL ENDING


-Creepy House.  I am trapped in the haunted mirror, only to watch as a ghost steals my identity.  To be fair, I was trying for a "scary" ending rather than a Good Ending.



Worst Morality Test


-La Isla de los Dodos.  Refusing to answer the Fehurihi's crew means your companions Sheila and Arthur contract measles, and possibly the player character too.  Helping the Fehurihi reveals that the crew is made of illegal dynamite fishers and pirates.  So taking a reasonable decision not to go out of your way to help a suspicious ship means you'll be punished.



Most Original Setting


-Secrets of the Singing Cave.  It's not often you get a CYOA about cavemen in a fantasy world, complete with developed tribal customs and alien animals.



Wasted Potential


-Dragons Realm.  It could have been a fun high fantasy setup, but what plot that may exist is mostly wasted on a stock school bullying scenario.  Neither the wizards nor the dragon riders seem to do much other than impress the locals with their stunts, and no one makes anything of the fact that Dragons Realm magic works on Earth too.



Most Bizarre Choices


-La Isla de los Dodos.  One path asks you if you put on your life preserver or not retroactively.  Another asks if the pirate captain lets you go or not.



Least Reasonable Results For Choices


-No Me Llames Tami.  You have no reason to assume that being cautious and taking a companion with you to investigate a weird house would lead to either being abducted by aliens or dragged underwater by an imitation Cthulhu.




Book That Will Make Readers Grab a Thesaurus


-No Me Llames Tami.  The prose is written in an Argentine dialect with words so obscure that even major Spanish-English translation services like SpanishDict have difficulty with them.



Most Powerful Villain


-22 Minutos:  Tibicenas.  Guayota, a demon from Guanche mythology, can eat the sun and summon hordes of fiery wolves to do his bidding.  The only methods of stopping him even temporarily involve suicidal car crashes or a ritual carried out by a priestess who dies afterwards.



All Bark, No Bite


-Secrets of the Singing Cave.  Much is made of how the shredders can strip humans and animals to the bone, but there is no Death where the player character meets the same fate.



Most Creative Death


-Dungeon of Doom.  One ending where you refuse to help the Emerald Sage results in you being turned into a daffodil with human awareness.  That is, until your consciousness dies shortly afterwards.



Phrase Most Suitable For a Drinking Game (English)


-"The last thing you see is. . .", especially common in Dungeon of Doom.  A stock phrase for any Death imaginable.  The closest video game equivalent is "So that's what [cause of death] feels like!" in the point and click adventure game Charlie Foxtrot and the Galaxy of Tomorrow.



Phrase Most Suitable For a Drinking Game (Spanish)


-"Armarse de valor", found in La Isla de los Dodos and 22 Minutos:  Tibicenas.  Many jokes were made about "arming yourself with valor" since.



Least Deserving of a Real Life Award Award


-Dragons Realm, for stealing the 2016 Sir Julius Vogel Youth Novel prize from Deadline Delivery.  I have no clue about the merits of Brave's Journey, The Caretaker of Imagination, or Lucy's Story:  The End of the World, but they probably have more interesting plots than seeing the same trio of bullies 198,374,595,987,243 times.  



Best Peanut Gallery Member


-RefSteel, for providing the 22 Minutos:  Tibicenas parody, and funny comments about other CYOAs.

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Jugamos a una Aventura:  La Extraña Niebla Roja Part 1


It's time for another episode of Spanish Schlock in the Gamebooks thread.  The first 3 of the Jugamos a una Aventura books are available in a collection on the Kindle Store, so I picked them up.  These are a little different from the usual CYOA books in that they're divided into Escenas (Scenes), similar to the CHOICES.  But some of the Scenes may be endings instead.


Our story begins like this:  "It all begins on a beautiful March day, and you're going on an excursion in the woods with your parents".


I talk about how great a day it is while looking at the clear sky and breathing fresh air.  My dad says "We've chosen a stupendous day".  ("Estupendo" is more common than the English "stupendous").  Mom is looking at a nest in a tall tree, and is taking a picture of it with her cell phone.


But this calm period is ended by a mystery.  "Did you know?  My father brought me here every summer.  I have very good memories of those woods.  They let me do whatever I wanted, and only prohibited one thing.  I was told to never come here on the first week of March".  Mom points out that it's March 2. 


I ask why he couldn't go then, suspecting "Is it because of the cold, or snow?"  Dad "denies with his head" (negar con la cabeza), or rather shakes it.


"He said that on certain years at this time, the ground shakes and a part of the forest is covered by a red fog that swallows everything it encounters.  Can you believe it?' he says, laughing.  'He told me about another world and said that when I was older he'd explain it to me.  It's a shame he couldn't do it, and I still have the desire to find out".


But this story isn't just mean to "scare children", as Dad thinks.  "At that moment the ground begins to shake lightly.  It lasts for a few seconds and it all stops again".  Mom shouts "What a coincidence!"  And then the red fog comes.


"However, your father is paralyzed while watching the fog, and the same happens to your mother.  They're so astonished that they can't move.  Meanwhile, the fog continues advancing and is approaching all of you".


Before CHOICE #1 in this "The Adventure Begins" section, I see a small cave in the rock. 


My options are as follows.


A.  "Turn around and leave running.  The most important thing is to save yourself.  Your parents are adults and know how to take care of themselves".  Go to Scene 34.


B.  "Tell your parents to go to the cave and hide inside.  It's very close.  It's not very deep, but it will do for the moment, until the fog dissipates".  Continue Reading.


C.  "Better to stay still because you the fog is already above".  Go to Scene 3.



A. sounds like another Morality Test failure like in La Isla de los Dodos or Dungeon of Doom.  And C. sounds like suicide, so I'll try B.



I tell them to go to the cave, and it's big enough for all 3 of us.  There's no one behind me, and the fog covers everything outside.  But soon I don't see them.  "You hear a type of growling, and later some screams that seem to come from your parents, but they sound very far away, and you don't dare to leave".


After a long time, the fog disappears, and my parents have vanished.  "You look in all directions, searching for them, and then you discover something that takes your breath away.  The small cave you were in is now an enormous tree whose trunk is covered in moss, and there's a hole that descends to the depths of the earth.  But not only the cave has changed, but the countryside that's around you is different.  It's as if you were in another site.  You see various giant mushrooms among the vegetation.  You've never seen anything like that".



CHOICE #2 in Scene 2 is prompted by a growling sound that's coming from the road further ahead.  The options are to wait and see what's growling (Scene 5), go in the cave again (Scene 19), or turn around and run in the opposite direction and hope to find the car (Scene 4).