Gamebooks (Choose Your Own Adventure Style)

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Portal Oscuro Alternate Endings Part 10


Taking the low road of sending our companions to probable death first in spite of my alleged spelunking skills pays off.  "The monstrous silhouette of a reptile that walks upright like a man emerges from the shadows, wielding a large flint (sílex) axe.  You point your pistol with diligence, firing a pair of accurate shots at the thorax of the animal, which is struck down (fulminar)".


Riley throws a pickaxe and kills one of the other lizards.  Lucy takes a shovel from Thompson's hands and fights against a slinger.  To help my companions, I pull out my knife and stab a lizard.  "Its intestines spill from its lower extremities, falling to the ground with a wet sound".


After murdering the inhabitants of this cave, I say "Fascinating.  They walk upright, but not only that.  They've developed hands with prehensile fingers. . .and opposable thumbs, like apes!  These have allowed them to develop and make tools.  Their intelligence must be comparable to Neanderthals. . ."


Lucy interrupts my bloviation.  "Ray!  Only you could hold a biology class at a time like this.  Toby is dead!"


To Dr. Martini's credit, he at least considers Toby's sacrifice long enough to hold a moment of silence.


We arrive at a part of the cavern that has better lighting because of fungi and clouds of smoke coming from cabins around a lake.  A wall around the tribe's perimeter suggests a recent siege (asedio).  These seem to be more lizard-men.


CHOICE #14 is to either go first or send Riley to join Toby in death.  Once again, taking the latter option is the way to go.  NPCs are always expendable.


"You part from Riley with a shove, and without any more words, you climb the irregularities of the natural wall until your feet reaches the base of the cornice that surrounds the village of the lizard-men.  Once you're there, you advance with greater speed, managing to not be seen from below.  Fortunately, none of the humanoid reptiles seem especially interested in contemplating the heights and you manage to reach the other side.


However, before you can step on solid ground, a terrible presence startles you.  It's a group of giant insects, red ants the size of ponies that carry rocks (peñasco) of considerable size.  One launches its rock, that you manage to dodge by carring yourself to a projection of the wall and [sneaking]?.


Below, the noise of rocks that rebound off the walls have alerted the saurians, who stand on war footing.  Now you understand, too late, against what enemy they were fortifying against.  The second rock reaches you, making you lose your balance.  You fall into the emptiness, in a fall of at least 50 feet that will end with you turned into puree at the bottom of the chasm (sima).  You think of how Lucy and the rest, without your survival abilities will be easy prey for the inhospitable inhabitants of. . .CHOF!  END".


I've never seen the onomatopoeia CHOF anywhere else, so I left it in the translation out of both confusion and amusement.  SpanishDict assumes I mean "chef" when I search for "chof".


The second paragraph was hard for me to understand because the last sentence is strange in Spanish.


Results So Far


1 Good Endings

9 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

1 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Portal Oscuro Alternate Endings Part 11


Riley's prospects for survival don't look good in CHOICE #14, because JFS21's title is "Devoured by the ants".


"It's good, Riley, my boy', you say to the brave Marine, putting your hands on his shoulders, 'May God protect you from here on out.  But return here immediately at the first sign of danger".


Riley climbs the cornice without the light of a lantern to avoid drawing the attention of the lizard-men.  But it's no use.  "He can't see the black death that silently approaches him through the cornice".  The dangers here don't include bubonic plague, so the phrase "muerte negra" is strange here.  Maybe Freixa thinks he's a poet.


I yell at Riley to warn him about the giant ant behind him, though it's too late.  "Riley finally turns around, suppressing a howl of terror when he knows he's trapped.  The giant ant traps him with its giant legs and drags him to the darkness whence it came.  Riley bears the difficult situation (trance) like a man, in silence to avoid betraying your presence to the lizard-men of the village".


Riley sings the Star-Spangled Banner as he's being torn apart by the ants to make the story as cheesy as possible.  Fortunately, these ants are vulnerable to bullets.  Now the lizard-men see us.  I say "That boy has died like a true American patriot, in the prime of his life.  I've never seen so much valor, and at the same time, so much stupidity!"  YOU sent him to die, Dr. Martini, so it's not like you have the right to criticize him for being killed because he took point.


Our next idea is to kill the ant queen in hopes her followers will be disoriented.  Jimmy the Samoan says he's an expert hunter and he'll "hammer this pickaxe between eyebrow and eyebrow".  I say "Jimmy, I admire your bravery, but ants don't have eyebrows.  And another thing, we can't let another member of the crew risk his life in my place". 


CHOICE #15 is yet another "do it yourself, or send an NPC companion" decision.  The first option reads "Do you decide enough valiant men have already died today, and you risk your own life?"  This attempt at a guilt trip is a trap.  Once again, throwing away one of the Black Swan crew members is the way to go.


"No, Jimmy', you say in a firm tone of voice, 'This time, I'll take the lead'.  Without waiting for the Samoan's reply, you step forward wielding a pistol.  The tunnel snakes to the left and right before an orange gleam dyes the rocks, making your lantern unnecessary.  You leave it on the ground and approach the source of the light, which comes from the interior of a cavern at the end of the tunnel.  The light increases in intensity, partially blinding you until your pupils manage to adapt.  Making a visor with your hands, you distinguish the silhouette of a giant and deformed ant queen, incapable of moving in the middle of a room begins to [leave it small?]


[No one else?] detects your presence.  Her guardians balance on you as a single entity.  You shoot four times in rapid succession, defeating the insects one by one.  However, the sterile sound of the gun warns you that you've run out of bullets.  You have to confront the last soldier with only your knife, which seems like a poor defense against such powerful mandibles? (maxilas).


It attacks you with its two pairs of upper legs, standing on the two hind legs.  You dodge its chitinous members and look for a hole in its guard, an almost impossible mission.  The ant is extremely fast and seems to have legs all around you.  You decide to wait for one of them to reach you grab (asir) the extremity with firmness in a [key of torsion]?  You manage to pivot toward the insect's back.  You hammer your steel into the broad mesosoma?, cracking the semi-rigid cuirass below until you leave its underlying structures visible.  Making its heart into tripe?, you introduce your free hand into its elbow, twisting in the hot pulp until you find something to grab.  You find a kind of cable hard to the touch, which you identify as its anterior aorta.  You throw it and rip it out, splitting it in half and provoking a torrent of ichor  of a repugnant odor that bathes you in filth.  The ant falls inert at your feet, leaving the queen defenseless.


She can't move, due to the excessive volume of her body, which its atrophied legs can't support.  Behind her you identify the source of light, a rock the size of an egg that is encrusted with a metallic piece of curious design.  You surround the queen, who can only shake her antennae with a gesture of impotence, and you make off with the object.  From what you've managed to understand of the conversation with Lieutenant Wittmann and Dr. Gerber, it must be an object that has already cost many lives, so you prefer it to be in your hands instead of those of the Nazis.


When you're at the point of abandoning the area, you feel a terrible nausea that makes you vomit violently.  Kneeling on the cavern floor, you realize your hands have second-degree burns and are covered with blisters (ampolla).  A tuft of your hair falls like a dry leaf, followed by several more.  You feel weak, incapable of taking another step, and you then realize your error.  You've been exposed to radiation for too long, and unlike the local fauna, you're only a fragile human being.  END".


I kill the ant queen in a long battle with confusing Spanish text, only to croak thanks to radiation poisoning.  Everything non-human seems to have "ichor" in this book.  Are all the mutants secretly Greek gods?


This will be the last post for tonight.  Feel free to jeer my character Dr. Martini in your comments if you like.  Or the various dungeon masters of this book.



Results So Far


1 Good Endings

10 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

1 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Portal Oscuro Alternate Endings Part 12


Dr. Martini must advance in CHOICE #15. . .by regarding his fellow Black Swan survivors as expendable.  Just like Wittmann the Nazi's plan for finding artifacts.  There are two interpretations I can take of Freixa's version of the player character.  Dr. Martini could be callous and willing to sacrifice every companion except for his girlfriend, and his paternal attitude towards them may be an act.  Or he really does care about them, but is deceitful when it comes to his resume.  "Sure, I'm a master spelunker, Lucy!"



"It's good, Jimmy', you concede.  'You'll go first, but I'll cover your back".  "Oki doki, Ray', he answers, seizing the pickaxe, with this little thing I'm not afraid of anything".


The Spanish text really does say "Oki doki".  That's not an embellishment in the translation.  


Our trip through the ant-infested tunnels is similar to my solo outing, including abandoning the lanterns because the mystical light is so bright.  Freixa's penchant for musical combat continues here.  "You jump to the aid of the Samoan, but Lucy has only a shovel to defend herself.  Your pistol sings a song of death when it shoots 4 bullets in rapid succession to finish off the other ant-men.  Jimmy fights against a 5th insectoid, swinging his pickaxes left and right."


Jimmy grabs the strange object and says "It's a kind of backscratcher.  I'll take it.  Maybe it could be useful to us".  But he dies when he's covered by the formic acid that spurts out when he kills the ant queen.  The acid has one positive effect:  it opens up a hole in the floor for us. 


The remaining ants are easy to dodge once they no longer have a leader.  We see some light coming from above after some time climbing.  Unfortunately, there's someone waiting for Lucy and me.  "I congratulate you, meddling Americans', says the voice of Lieutenant Wittmann.  'You've survived a difficult test, and I don't subtract merit for that.  However, I'm afraid you're not going to live to enjoy your success".


"Wittmann!' you exclaim.  'I caused you to die.  No one could have survived that bunker explosion!"


"Paraphrasing one of your compatriots, let's say that the news about my death were tremendously exaggerated.  Now let's test the efficiency of superior German engineering."  He's in the cockpit of a mechanical spider powered by diesel and hydraulics.  Remember that hint Solloway gave me?  Now's the time when I'm supposed to use it.  Any players who miss that scene will have at best a coin flip chance of success.


CHOICE #16 is to either slide underneath the spider mech and attack, or try to shoot Wittmann in the cockpit.  Let's try the incorrect option and see what Death the author has in store.


"You pull out your Luger in a rapid movement and jump in the direction of the cockpit of the mechanical spider.  You hook onto the base of one of the hind legs and hoist (izar) yourself onto the central platform.  Through the transparent bell, the eyes of a demented man stare at you.  It doesn't even look like the Lieutenant Wittmann you saw briefly in the bunker, although his voice is the same.  The deformed being who pilots the monster vehicle has a head several times larger than normal, with a brilliant orange coloration and the brain exposed outside of the hairless skull.  His teeth have also grown somehow, projected outside of the horrible pus-filled mouth.


Containing your nausea, you point the pistol at the mutant and pull the trigger, but the bullet bounces off the burnished (bruñido) surface protecting him.  Your second shot never arrives; you realize with anguish that you just depleted your ammunition.  Wittmann, realizing your vulnerability, presses a button on the command console and a network of blue rays dances over the steel planks that cover the spider, trapping you in the process.


You fall to the hard ground between spasms, incapable of controlling your movements.  You feel with impotence that the legs of the mechanical spider turn you over, leaving you upside down on the rock.  Lucy screams in terror, but you are incapable of defending yourself, anticipating what comes next.  When the pneumatic drill perforates your anus, opening a path to your intestines, the crazy laugh of Wittmann stains your ears.  A tear falls on your cheek, more from shame than from the indescribable pain.  END".


It says "te perfora el ano" in Spanish, so there's really no other way to translate that scene of Wittmann drilling Dr. Martini in the butt to Death while piloting a robot spider.  Sorry, audience.  Blame Freixa for that one!


(Maybe I should stick to the kid's CYOAs in the future?)


Results So Far


1 Good Endings

11 Deaths

0 Bad Non-Death Endings

0 Neutral Endings

1 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Portal Oscuro Alternate Endings Part 13


 
Okay, let's do the giant spider battle the right way this time.  I shoot the exposed battery from underneath, and soon stop the machine.  "Without vacillating, you get it out of place and the death machine turns into a statue".
 
 
"Curses!' says Wittmann.  'If you think this setback is going to stop me, you're very mistaken".  Mutant Wittmann leaves the cockpit, "revealing his obscene nature".  He has 6 tentacles instead of legs and leathery spines.  "Die, monster!  You don't belong in this world', you shout, while you point your Luger at the chest of the mutant.  However, when only a timid squeak comes out of it, it's a sign of the crude reality:  it doesn't have any ammo."
 
 
Maybe Dr. Martini should have brought the Vampire Killer whip.  Wittmann steals the artifact we got from the meteorite.  "Now, follow me.  You're going to have the honor of contemplating wonders (prodigios) never before seen by any human.  You will comment on (glosar) my greatness for the generations to come."
 
 
"Contemplate the U-X7', the lieutenant pompously declaims, 'It's the fruit of the exemplary work of the Kriegsmarine, the pride of its generation.  I can assure you. . ."
 
 
It's the submarine we spent a lot of time on in the José Luis Castaño Restrepo arc.  Ronin has survived somehow, although he's badly wounded.  I notice this in between quotations of Wittmann gloating about the power of the Nazis.  He's going back to his old plan of using us to get the Cube of Togolek from the Marianas Trench.  But this time he has mind control powers, which he uses to drag us to the submersible.  "Yes, I'll temporarily free you from my mental control so you can carry out the mission, but don't have any illusions.  As I've told you, at the slightest temptation of betrayal, your death sentence will be sealed".
 
 
The narration speculates that mutant Wittmann can't have sex, but can still feel lust.  This is after a brief moment of passion between Lucy and Dr. Martini.
 
 
But even pulp adventure NAZI SCIENCE can't make a color TV.  "On the small screen of the device, it shows a blurry picture of the ship's interior.  You're ignorant of what kind of superscience has provided the necessary advances to the Third Reich for developing something ingenious like this, capable of registering and transmitting images in black and white at a distance".
 
 
We get the cube from the sunken alien spaceship, and Wittmann tells us to go to the surface slowly to begin decompression.  But Dr. Martini shouts that he'd rather die than give the Cube of Togolek to the Nazis.  CHOICE #17 is to "obey the orders of Lieutenant Wittmann like a good boy", or try something else.
 
 
"Come down here if you have eggs, damn squid', you groan.  You and those of your ilk don't deserve to share the earth with normal people.  'What?', squawks Wittmann.  'You must be suffering from the evil of the deep'.
 
 
'Of the depths of your dirty butt, stinky tentacular thing, you shout.  'The Nazis are a gang of effeminate men, eaters of sauerkraut, and Hitler is excited by sheep.'
 
 
'I'm warning you that I'll rip out your skin in pieces'.  'You and how many other squids, filthy cephalopod?  I've never seen someone as repugnant as you. . .'
 
 
Lieutenant Wittmann pulls a level on his control panel and the submersible falls toward the deep abyss, bouncing on the continental shelf toward the bottom of the sea.
 
 
You wonder about the maximum depth the structure can endure, before imploding like an egg.  Cursing yourself for your stupidity, you hug Lucy strongly and prepare yourself for your END".
 
 
Yes, the part about the sheep means exactly what you think it does.  I won't say anything more about that.


Perhaps "evil of the deep" means the bends or something.  

 
 
 
Results So Far
 
 
1 Good Endings
 
12 Deaths
 
0 Bad Non-Death Endings
 
0 Neutral Endings
 
1 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Portal Oscuro Alternate Endings Part 14


When I deliver the Cube of Togolek to Wittmann, he begins his incantation.  "The hour has arrived to unleash the power locked inside the Cube of Togolek!' he declaims.  'Oh, great Cthulhu!  You who wait in your tomb since time immemorial. . .'  then he begins to chant in a dead language unknown to you."


He gives an HP Lovecraft quote about Cthulhu lying dreaming in R'lyeh.  Personally, I think The Colour Out of Space is a better story from that author, but everyone references The Call of Cthulhu instead.  "Then something supernatural occurs, well in the middle of the unfathomable darkness of the ocean.  Gigantic fingers of light open a path through the darkness, emanating in a sphere that writhes (debatirse) with its own life.  Through that, serpentine tentacles begin to emerge that seem to search without finding anything to grab, except tons of lonely water."


Ronin the dog is at my side and helps me come to my senses.  CHOICE #18 is to either attack Wittmann now, or wait a bit until I regain full control of my mind or something. 


The former is the bad endgame finale.


"With a Herculean effort, you lift a foot off the ground, that you feel as if were stuck with extra-strong [cola/tail?]  Ronin barks in a signal of warning, but the only thing you manage to do is distract Wittmann from the contemplation of the bloodcurdling wonder.  With eyes sparking with exacerbated fanaticism, he turns toward you.


'Wow!  Looks like you're stronger than I thought, after all.', he laughs.  'It doesn't matter.  In your state you're no match for me.  You never were, to tell the truth.  You're as tenacious as you are idiotic.'  'I. . .won't let you. . .get your way. . .', you manage to articulate.


In your struggle, you look at Lucy and realize that a tear falls on her immobile cheek.  She looks like a sad doll, a wax replica of the living image of desperation.


Wittmann extends a tentacle toward your mouth, sealing your nostrils.  You fight in vain to introduce air into your lungs again, but you only manage to consume your scarce reserves of oxygen more quickly.  What will become of Lucy when you've died?  What tragic end will the sadistic mutant Nazi have in store for her?  Your chest burns inside, consumed by frustration and asphyxiation, upon knowing the last thing your bloodshot eyes will see will be the deformed face of the monster who was once Lieutenant Wittmann.  May God have mercy on the world. . .END".



Results So Far
 
 
1 Good Endings
 
13 Deaths
 
0 Bad Non-Death Endings
 
0 Neutral Endings
 
1 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Portal Oscuro Alternate Endings Part 15


One more ending, and we're finally done with Freixa!  What will the other 3 authors do with this stupid story?


"You decide to wait a little longer, to see what will happen.  The fascinated eyes of Wittmann are focused on the cyclopean apparition, in such a way that they don't perceive the small pillowy (almohadillados) feet that drag themselves out from under a table of the submarine.


Ronin approaches the mutant, wrinkling his snout and preparing to attack.  When he sinks his fangs into one of the lieutenant's tentacles, Wittmann screams like a lobster in boiling water.  At that moment, his concentration suddenly breaks and you both are freed from his mental control.  Before he can react, you take your knife out of your boot and throw yourself at the mutant, stabbing him left and right.  During the struggle, Ronin is hit by one of the spiny members of Wittmann, but that doesn't make him give up the hunt.  Your dog bleeds abundantly and this sight makes you redouble your efforts against the monster.


Lucy, far from staying on the sidelines, takes control of the submarine, trying to find out what controls the TPG torpedo.  The giant tentacled being that rises from the sphere of light continues emerging to this reality inexorably.


Your knife slices apart the wrist of Wittmann that holds the cube, and he howls with pain.  The knife continues cutting pieces of the mutant's chest.  He attacks you with his tentacles and remaining hand, but Ronin continues eating him alive.  Finally, you manage to slit the throat of the being, turning his scream of agony into a strangled chirp. 


'I think I have it, Ray!', Lucy says.  'Here goes!'  An flash (fogonazo) of light and a shaking precede the explosion of the portal, and the gigantic figure of Cthulhu emerges from it.  The implosion makes the vortex expand and an instant before immediately folding over itself and disappearing as if it had never existed.


'We've won by the skin of our teeth (ha ido de un pelo)', you say.  Lieutenant Wittmann won't ever threaten humanity again.  But Ronin. . .I don't know what will come of this.


'Let me see', says Lucy.  'His wounds are very serious.  He only has a remote chance.  'What are you referring to?'  'That mutagenic substance.  I've seen where they keep it.  'SECTAL?  Are you crazy?  I don't want Ronin to end up turned into a mutant'.  'We don't know what effects it could have on animals, Ray.  Let's try it at least.'


'Okay', you concede.  'We don't have much to lose.'


In the crystal container only a few drops of orange liquid are left.  Dr. Allen extracts it with a syringe found in a box.  Ronin, who lies panting in a pool of blood, doesn't even move upon being pricked.  Not even a trace of the mutagen is left for anyone to analyze and replicate in a laboratory, another reason to be satisfied by what has happened.


A few moments later, you fear the worst when Ronin begins to shake on the ground.  As if by magic, his wounds close and he stands up wagging his tail.  'Ronin, old friend!  Are you fine?'  A bark is the dog's enthusiastic response.


'Let's not throw the bells to the flight yet', says Lucy.  'It's still possible that it has side effects.  And we have to bring this anchovy can to the surface until they come to rescue us.


'What do you think that being could have been?', you begin to ask.  'You know, the think that rose from the sea.'


'Maybe we'll never find out, Ray.  And perhaps it's better that way.  We have to get rid of that damn cube.  We'll throw it to the bottom of the Marianas when we manage to reach the surface. 


Ronin, who's rubbing his snout on your knees because he wants to be petted, raises his head at that moment and looks you in the eyes.  Before saying with a clear and shrill (atiplado) voice:  "Let's go home later.  END".


Ronin the dog will be the villain in the sequel once more side effects of the SECTAL serum are revealed.  He says more than "Let's go home later" in the Spanish text, but I can't make sense of "Por mí vale".  "Vale" is commonly used in Spain (and only Spain) to mean "OK", but I'm not sure that's the intended meaning in this context.


In Freixa's path, Dr. Martini sent most of his companions to die, Ronin the dog was revived before the final battle for no justifiable reason, and we encountered several moments that were definitely inappropriate for children.  At least there wasn't a conclusion that asked me to pick an option because "destiny gives no clues".


What will the other writers offer?



Results So Far
 
 
2 Good Endings
 
13 Deaths
 
0 Bad Non-Death Endings
 
0 Neutral Endings
 
1 Inconclusive Endings

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Portal Oscuro Alternate Endings Part 16


Now that Dr. Raymond Martini is buried up to his neck on the beach again, I'll have to take a different path to get him out.  The path of Vidal Fernández Solano, which involves entering the jungle.  His pages are labeled VF. 


"You decide to enter the jungle.  Perhaps in the interior you'll find some trace of civilization, perhaps a bit of help, food, or your travel companions.  The first vestiges of foliage, on the edge of the beach, are easy to pass through, but a few meters later, advancing is almost impossible.  Tropical vegetation invades every centimeter of the ground, preventing you from taking a step."


In this version, Dr. Martini recalls Wittmann threatening to take Lucy's clothes later that night and saying "You'll scream, I promise you".  She spits on him because "She's not one of those women who need help".  Not Like Other Girls is a cliche in fiction, and you learn to spot it after reading enough bad novels.


The jungle has spiders that emerge from coconut trees like José Luis Castaño Restrepo's story, but Vidal Fernández Solano gives them humanoid hands and faces.  Ronin and my multi-use knife fend off the "monkey-spiders" (monoaraña), though the dog has to watch my back.  "You haven't realized it, but death stalks behind your back:  one of the spiders turned around and climbed a tree, about to jump on your neck".  Ronin once again falls in combat, and without the possibility of a Freixa revival.  "You bury him as you are able and you burst into tears".


A cloud of smoke is coming from the side of a mountain, "probably some kind of village or settlement".  This is one CHOICE #19 option.  The other place to go is the Nazi military installation where the Black Swan is.


Freixa merely hinted at the danger of cannibals.  In the Vidal Fernández Solano route, you can actually find them.


"Guiding yourself with the thin column of smoke that sticks out among the vegetation, you go in search of other people who can lend you a hand.  It's possible the inhabitants have a radio or something similar.  However, a shadow glides above your thought, a shadow that is going to blacken the optimistic perspective that at the beginning inspired you to make the decision.  The question of how a town hasn't been exterminated by those square-headed bastards doesn't seem as clear as at first.  No one in their right mind would believe that a Nazi detachment, submarine included, would move to a remote island and live in peace with the natives.  Something doesn't seem right, but neither are there many options in front of you.


For starters, although you and Lucy were officially on the Swan on a natural science mission, there was another motive:  a strange signal captured by government teams.  An unidentified signal coming. . .from the marine depths.  More precisely, from a place very close to the island, beside a marine trench.  You've been charged with locating where the signal came from, and its significance.  You aren't so naive to not be able to put 2 and 2 together:  you trace a suspicious signal and the Nazis appear as if by magic.  Of course something, or everything, smells rotten.


While you approach the source of the smoke, the vegetation starts to clear out, an unmistakable sign of a human presence.  Without realizing it, you see the edge of an enormous clearing in the jungle,next to the [skirt?] of the mountain on the island.  In front of you, a dozen huts are dispersed throughout the deforested surface.  Shacks constructed with wood and with palm leaf roofs, like they came from the Paleolithic.  Among them must be a bonfire, the source of the smoke you saw earlier.  However, apart from the simple constructions, it lacks almost everything that would be in a settlement:  people, dogs, chickens. . .those types of things that would go along with human existence.


With a terrible feeling of pins and needles (hormiguear), you approach the nearest hut.  Watching your surroundings, you arm yourself with valor and look inside the hole that takes the place of a door.  The interior, very small, is empty.  A horrible cot is the only furniture visible.  'What else is there?', you think.  At last you realize you're inside a cabin in the middle of nowhere, not the bloody Ambassador.


You leave again and sniff around a little for people.  Nothing.  Not a trace of the inhabitants.  In the center of the houses, a great bonfire, and above that an enormous cauldron, like in the stories you usually read in your pulp magazines.


The sound of a branch breaking startles you.  You turn around and your blood freezes in your veins.  You're surrounded.  Not by indigenous people, but monsters that they have become.  Deformed faces and terrible mutations adorn these humanoids, with a quick glance you notice one with 4 legs, another with 3 eyes and an enormous mouth with pointed teeth like a shark.  A creature that must have been chasing dogs observes you and babbles through an opening that opens directly into its stomach.  They growl, and communicate among themselves in some way different from words.  They think about the possibility of throwing themselves on you.  Through the corner of your eye, you try to search for a way to escape.  It will have to be as quick as greased lightning if you want to leave them behind.


Slowly, cautiously, they advance, reducing the distance that separates them from you and annulling your possibility of escape.  It's now or never.  You turn around and run as if Satan himself were chasing you.  You don't look back.  You only run.  You're only a few meters away from the thicket when you trip and fall.  No, you haven't tripped.  They've thrown a sling and have trapped your feet in a net.  You fumble with your knife to cut the rope, but before you have enough time they attack.  You kick, you bite, and you punch, but your blows don't dissuade them.  These demons seem immune to pain.


In less than half a minute, you see yourself tied with a mouth full of some bitter fruit that tastes like a rotten potato.  They bring you to the pot.  Too late you realize that you haven't even approached it to examine its contents.  You try to free yourself one last time, without success.  They wait a moment, beside the humid cauldron, where you can see a kind of foul-smelling thick broth.  A soup flavored with meat, your own.  In an instant you fly into the pot.  The broth broils and burns your skin, your eyes, your flesh.  Everything darkens quickly."


Looks like the Nazis tested SECTAL on the locals in this path instead of saving it for themselves to become Cthulhu's worshipers.


Are all the authors going to use the lazy "only one branch, and if you deviate from it you die" approach to CYOAs?  At least Time Machine 6:  The Rings of Saturn had funny failure scenarios, especially "underwater detention".


Results So Far
 
 
2 Good Endings
 
14 Deaths
 
0 Bad Non-Death Endings
 
0 Neutral Endings
 
1 Inconclusive Endings


This book is a slog rather than anything that would interest either me or the audience.  Not to the same extent that 22 Minutos:  Tibicenas was, but still not worth even making fun of.  Once you've seen two authors in Portal Oscuro, you've seen pretty much everything already.  Maybe I'll move on to another Ultimate Ending so Gustaran and RefSteel can roast its prose while I fail to solve obvious puzzles.

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Ultimate Ending:  The Strange Physics of the Heidelberg Laboratory Part 1


I'm sick of Portal Oscuro, and I'm sure the Peanut Gallery is too.  Not even any snide comments about the terrible writing for that one.


So let's return to our "favorite" series, Ultimate Ending.  The Heidelberg Laboratory one has a funny cover showing a nerd in a lab coat with his mouth agape being sucked into some kind of vortex.


"You are JEREMY HELLER, a recent graduate from the prestigious University of Zurich, where you received a Masters Degree in particle physics.  You've got your first real job working at the Heidelberg Physics Laboratory, high in the Swiss Alps.  Everyone from your university applied for the position, but you were the only one to be accepted.  You can't believe how lucky you are!"


The Heidelberg Laboratory won't be so fortunate.  When the NPC scientists and I fail to complete a puzzle expected to be solved by a 5th grader, the space-time continuum will be destroyed.


Our narrator explains how the particle accelerator works in a childish manner:  "Built deep within the mountain is a particle accelerator, a long oval-shaped track that shoots atoms around and around really fast.  The atoms are smashed into other atoms close to the speed of light, and the laboratory measures the pieces that come out.  Cool!"  I like to imagine this is how JEREMY HELLER actually thinks. 


It reminds me of an incident in the satirical book How Not to Write a Novel.  It took me some time to find the quote, but it was worth it because it seems appropriate here.  "The physicist squinted into the microscope.  This kind of atom was a tricky customer".


Anyway, the physicists are trying to find a new subatomic particle called the Causality Neutrino.  For safety reasons, the laboratory is inside a mountain.  "Although that seems highly unlikely-the physicists there are the best in the world!"  How long do you think it will take before a Little Did They Know incident?  Two paragraphs?  Five?


I'm wearing a white lab coat and dress clothes, which are too cold for this weather.  "The wind is especially chilling this day, and already you can feel your black hair freezing to your head".


The elevator only has 2 buttons:  Surface and Laboratory, or S and L for short.  The mandatory NPC companion appears when a black-haired girl named Penny shouts "Hold the elevator!"  Her father is Dr. Kessler, so she's allowed to go to the demonstration.  "You stare at the girl, awestruck.  'Your father is Doctor Kessler?'  She gives a big nod.  'Uh huh.  So you'd better be nice to me, or I can get you in trouble".  She's about JEREMY HELLER's age, so keep that in mind when you read the silly dialogue.


"Dad was complaining last night about one of the interns.  I assumed it was you.  Looks like I was right, huh?'  Your mouth hangs open, horrified.  Penny's face is suddenly split by a wicked grin.  'Okay, you've got me again.  My dad's never mentioned you.  I knew your name because it's on your name tag, silly".


Scientists aren't the only ones who will watch the Causality Neutrino demonstration.  Investors from "the city" will see it too, and if they aren't satisfied, the Heidelberg Laboratory's funding will vanish.  They speak in an accent best read with a Dr. Strangelove voice:  "Vat are ve vaiting for".


The total lack of subtlety in the foreshadowing is apparent when we leave the elevator.  "The entrance room to the Heidelberg Physics Laboratory feels like the lair of a James Bond villain:  the side walls are carved rock, making it obvious you are deep inside a mountain, and the air has a cool, drafty feel".  To emphasize the point that something sinister will happen, here's the description of a door:  "It's made of dull metal, and you know it could withstand a nuclear explosion, if need be".


Dr. Kessler greets the investors and ignores Penny.  He tells everyone to go through the "perfectly harmless" Decontamination Room, which uses "a little bit of steam and a computer scan".  There's going to be a Death where I'm locked inside, probably.


I tell Penny that Dr. Kessler is probably nervous because he has to impress the investors, but she isn't convinced.  On page 11, there's a map.  Will I need it?  It was irrelevant to The House on Hollow Hill due to how the CHOICEs worked.


We enter the Decontamination Room, and I type my credentials into the computer.  I tell her it won't hurt, and Penny replies with "Yessir, mister physicist, sir".  When I ask if she's mocking me, she "bats her eyelashes".  Their interactions are going to be written like a kid's first crush, aren't they?


The book tells me to jump from page 13 to 25 for some reason.  This is probably the longest setup for CHOICE #1 I've seen in a CYOA.  It's about 10% of the book.


For a scientist's adult daughter who shows some interest in physics, Penny is surprisingly ignorant of the laboratory and safety procedures.  I have to explain to her what the particle accelerator does, and why my job of monitoring the power levels of the nuclear reactor is important.  "Penny raises an eyebrow.  'That's it?"  Attempting to prevent nuclear disasters does not impress Penny, I guess. 


My boss Dr. Almer is about to send Penny to the observation lounge.  CHOICE #1 is to agree with Almer or tell him Penny will stay with me.  If the time I wasted on Portal Oscuro has taught me anything, it's that throwing NPCs at the problem is the way to go.

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Ultimate Ending:  The Strange Physics of the Heidelberg Laboratory Part 2


It's not a good sign if the first CHOICE in your Choose Your Own Adventure is pointless. 


Almer tells me that visitors aren't allowed in the Control Room.  "And even if we did allow visitors, we absolutely wouldn't allow the daughter of Doctor Kessler.  Do you know what he would do if anything happened to her?  Do you?  I'll tell you.  We'd be fired.  And then Kessler'd probably throw us in the reactor room without a suit!"  Almer seems to assume JEREMY HELLER is Penny's "boyfriend".  My character tries to object to that line, but she's already being dragged to the Observation Lounge.


"Way to go, Cassanova [sic].  Time to focus on your job on page 36".


Page 36 is where I would have gone if I'd agreed with Almer in CHOICE #1.


Inside the laboratory, we check on the "proton source", "klystron generators", "superconductive electromagnets", and finally, my specialty, "reactor coolant levels". 


Dr. Kessler himself is a balding man in his 40s, who speaks in a German accent that's represented as standard English.  "The goal of this test', he says ominously, 'is to find proof of the existence of the Causality Neutrino, a sub-atomic particle never before discovered.  If we are successful, today will be one of the greatest days in the history of physics".  Why is he saying this "ominously", unless it's a clumsy attempt to set him up as the villain?  He's just stating the purpose of a scientific experiment.  At this point we might as well have Bubsy appear to say "What could possibly go wrong?"


Dr. Kessler overrules the head tech and orders that the test beam be fired immediately after the Injection Loop begins.  "The head technician crosses his arms and looks annoyed at having his job usurped by Kessler, but he remains silent".  Dr. Kessler then skips my reactor drain check and moves on.  This is when CHOICE #2 occurs.  The power level will "spike up and down, like a seismometer during an earthquake", instead of remaining at 80% like it should.  My options are to run some diagnostics, or ask for help because "you're just an intern".


Save me, NPCs!  I tell Dr. Almer about the problem and he says he'll abort the test.  But this is useless.  It's too late for the demonstration to stop.  Almer tries to warn Dr. Kessler, but he doesn't pay attention until I say that a meltdown could happen.  "This is obviously a malfunctioning terminal, or a malfunctioning intern.  There is no way I am aborting the test because of this".  He's disabled all the abort switches that don't require his credentials.


What looks like a "single thread of blue string" appears in the accelerator, which collapses and then appears as a "glowing blue sphere".   It's the Causality Neutrino.  But no one pays attention to the flickering lights.  Things start to go wrong when the Causality Neutrino spins like a top and starts cracking the glass.  Something like wind seems to blow inside the particle accelerator, even though it's a vacuum.  I try to click on the ABORT button on Dr. Kessler's computer, but he grabs my arm and prevents me from doing so.


"The glass explodes inward, and the sound is as loud as a gunshot.  The glass tumbles through the air, almost in slow motion, to be sucked into the blue orb.  Your hair blows forward, as if the orb is pulling on every atom in the room at once."  The Causality Neutrino now looks like it has spikes, and is similar to a storm.  One final attempt to ABORT ends in failure as the keyboard is sucked into the Causality Neutrino, along with Dr. Almer.  "In front of you, hanging onto a computer desk for dear life, is Doctor Kessler.  His face is plastered with pure terror."


A white flash comes from the orb, and suddenly I'm alone.  What's left of the Control Room looks like a combination of an explosion and an angry mob attack.  A computer activates the sprinklers, and this floods the room with 3 inches of water.  (You'd think a cast of scientists would use metric. . .)


At least one NPC has survived the experiment.  A scientist named Jay says "Well this certainly went poorly, didn't it?"  He doesn't like being called Doctor because it's too formal.  Jay says "many physicists" (i.e. himself) predicted the laboratory wasn't sturdy enough to contain a particle as powerful as the Causality Neutrino.  "It caused a rip in space-time".


The value of my graduate degree from the University of Zurich is apparent in this next conversation.  "Well', he continues.  'what are atoms made of?  Protons, neutrons, and electrons.  And that's it, right?' 'Right'.  He jabs at you in the chest with a bony finger.  'Wrong!  There's another subatomic particle called the Causality Neutrino.  You see, protons, neutrons, and electrons all control where an atom is in space.  But what about where it is in time?"


JEREMY HELLER learned nothing about quarks and gluons when he studied particle physics?  Maybe he's a spirit who possessed the body of a physicist and has to pretend to be one to avoid giving his true nature away.  And if the Causality Neutrino is a particle present in all atoms, why does the presence of one of them ravage the laboratory?  Perhaps to reach the ULTIMATE ENDING I need to get a severe head injury so the plot and CHOICEs will make more sense. 


Jay says the other physicists have traveled through time.  The reason the Causality Neutrino caused so much damage was that it didn't have an atom to bond with because it was "unnaturally" made in a laboratory.  But wouldn't this be a problem in nuclear fission too, where atoms are split?  Or have I already thought about this more than the authors?


Penny is alive for now, but she's trapped beneath wreckage.  I'm about to rush off to save her, but Jay suggests grabbing CS Rifles first.  These are "Causality Smoother Rifles.  It, uh. . .sort of fixes problems in the space-time continuum.  It's complicated.  But trust me, we might need one".  If few of the other scientists listened to warnings the possibility of the Causality Neutrino distorting time, why would the laboratory have a weapon specifically designed for that purpose?


CHOICE #3 is to either rescue Penny or grab a CS Rifle.

[Herman Gigglethorpe]

Ultimate Ending:  The Strange Physics of the Heidelberg Laboratory Part 3


I played CHOICEs #3 through #9 while talking to a friend of mine, the same friend who requested Can You Survive the Titanic? earlier.  So this post isn't "live" like the others.


Jay and I agree that grabbing the CS Rifles is the right thing to do.  Mostly because Ultimate Ending books have an inventory system, and you'd better have the right item at the right time or you'll have to settle for a consolation prize conclusion at best.


One line that amused my friend comes when Jay and JEREMY HELLER enter the Physics Lab.  "It looks like something out of a college lecture hall:  there are four rectangular tables with chemical-resistance [sic] black tops, with mounted lasers pointing at targets with computers at either end".  The part about the black tops made her think of shirts with a protest slogan like "Resist the Chemicals!"


The CS Rifle looks like a sideways lowercase "d", and it's easy to use.  But a "ball of pure energy pops into the room from nowhere".  Looks like the physicists skipped the "E=MC^2" lesson in class, too, because mass is energy.


CHOICEs #4 and #5 are both 1d6 rolls.  Getting either a 5 or 6 in CHOICE #4 or a 1 in CHOICE #5 lead to page 59, which I'm certain is a Death.  Random.org gave me 2 for CHOICE #4 and 3 in CHOICE #5.  Depending on a 75% chance of survival would make any player nervous, especially if they've had bad experiences in Fire Emblem or Pokemon.  No wonder Jay is probably "praying" in the CHOICE #5 text. 


The Causality Neutrino is now pulsing like a lighthouse and making a humming noise.  We return to try to rescue Penny as if we had done that in CHOICE #3.  But the CS Rifle will remain relevant throughout the story.


To find Penny, there are two possible routes Jay and I can take:  the main tunnel or the Engineering Bay.  But much like CHOICE #1, CHOICE #6 is meaningless.  The main tunnel is blocked by rocks, so it's off to the Engineering Bay.  CHOICE #7 after that is to go left through a hallway that will probably kill me if the ceiling collapses, or right into live wires which will certainly kill me.  


No adventure can be complete without cliches, so the ceiling collapses immediately after we cross the hallway.  Our next problem comes when the air seems to shimmer in front of us.  "The air seems to warp, the way the desert heat drifts off the ground in waves, distorting everything behind.  Then the strange object begins to materialize, thickening into mist, then into some strange sort of light.  It's vaguely human-shaped, but made of what look like shards of light, angular and sharp, like chunks of jagged glass swirling in a small tornado".


Jay groans and says this is a Phase Being, because he somehow knows exactly what would happen in a physics experiment no one has performed before.  Phase Beings are humans trapped in both this time and some other period.  CHOICE #8 is what to do about it:  Run, distract it, or shoot it with the CS Rifle. 


The CS Rifle sends the Phase Being back to his time.  He was someone who worked at the Heidelberg Laboratory in either the past or the future.  A page falls to the ground that says . . .THIRD PART OF THE SEQUENCE IS TO EXTEND FLOOD TUBES. . .


This is a clue to the ULTIMATE ENDING, and there are at least 6 stages in the shutdown sequence.


Jay and I enter the Particle Beam staging room full of computer screens, dials, and knobs.  Jay says "This is where the magic happens.  The supercharged proton is created and launched from here, into the small loop".  JEREMY HELLER already knows this due to having worked here, but he doesn't know what a quark is?  Jay tells me someone charged the proton twice as much as necessary, probably Dr. Kessler.


Penny isn't injured apart from "a few cuts and scrapes" in spite of being trapped under a heavy couch.  She explains that a blue sphere inside the Observation Lounge that made the investors disappear.  I have to tell her "So the people might be here, or a year from now, or way back in the dinosaur era".  Will a Phase Being kill a dinosaur and erase history?


CHOICE #9 is another "Do you have the CS Rifle?" check.  I shoot this Phase Being, whom Penny recognizes as Jessica, one of Dr. Kessler's long-time coworkers.  Penny wonders why we haven't disappeared if everyone else has.  The answer is that everyone still here is either a Player Character or an Essential NPC, but they don't know this.


I shoot another Phase Being with the CS Rifle, who turns out to be a "young man with a black beard, wearing overalls instead of a lab coat".  He doesn't leave any clues behind, to our heroes' disappointment.  One Phase Being on page 22 is more generous.  This "white-haired physicist in a lab coat" has a piece of paper saying . . .FIFTH AND FINAL STEP IN THE SEQUENCE, IS TO PERFORM A FULL COOLANT DUMP.  WHEN THIS IS DONE. . .


We're now afraid of a nuclear meltdown in addition to a renegade Causality Neutrino.  I suggest evacuation, but Jay says "We could do that if we were cowards".  CHOICE #10 is whether to go to Maintenance Room #1, #2, or #3.  One of them is near the Engineering Bay, one is beside the Animal Enclosures, and the final one is near the living quarters.  Why are there Animal Enclosures in a particle physics laboratory, anyway?  The Maintenance Room with the networking equipment is the one we need.


No clue is available about the Maintenance Rooms in the CANONICAL ENDING path apart from a throwaway line about passing by #1 on page 47.  Might as well try that one.  That isn't the right place, because it's the RADIATION SYSTEM.  CHOICE #11 is to either try Maintenance Room #2 or #3, or be suicidal and try the #1 in spite of the warning.