Adv 17: Antoninus' Furry Animals

[Antoninus]

Since its minus two points for declaring war, and plus five points if I get through without declaring war on anyone,
I will not declare war. Simple as that. (This, of course, does not mean that I can stop some crazy
neighbor from declaring war on me!)

Seeing no real reason to move, I found my capital, “Bovine Haven” in the starting spot.
When the borders expand, those cows will forever be protected from the cruelties of those other meat eaters.

Since I start with mysticism, I start researching Polytheism, and the corresponding Hinduism religion,
thinking someone would probably found Budhism first.



Motezuma suggests we slaughter fifty thousand slaves to celebrate our meeting. “That’s fine,” I tell him,
“kill all the humans you wish, just don’t hurt any of those cute little furry four legged creatures.” Sniff.
I then ask, how many birds gave their lives so you could have that really cool headdress, huh?
How many? He didn’t seem pleased. We agree to make nice with each other.

The first villagers I meet give me a map, which exposes the area to my northwest.
Looks like we might be in the northern hemisphere.

Was it Sirian who said, “Remember your chess strategy. Occupy the center of the board, rather than
the edges.”? So I move the warrior southwest to get him into the center of our world.



As soon as Bovine Haven reached size 2 I switch over to a fast worker. Why? I dunno, I think I read that somewhere …

Sullla. Are we allowed to kill bears? What about lions? Having no control over what my warrior does,
he defends himself and kills one of each. I guess the warrior didn’t get the “no killing animals” memo.

Of course, I’m totally wrong about Budhism. No one went for it, but I found Hinduism. I figure its just a superstition.
But why did I go out of my way to discover it?

I make peace with both Persia and Egypt. I tell Hatshepsut, “It’s a good thing that cobra on your hat is fake,
or I’d really be outraged, and in your face about that one.” She was not impressed.

I spot 2 separate herds of elephants just south of Egypt’s capital.



I love elephants. They’re so … so … oh, I dunno, so big! I hope Hatty leaves them alone.
(Sniff. I love them, so much … sniff … you know?)

I realize I can’t “pasteurize the cattle” (what will my citizens do for milk?), so I better get to calendar sooner,
rather than later, so I can at least build plantations on my silk resources. And I’m nowhere near being able
to chop any of these forests, so my so called “fast worker’ is stuck building farms everywhere.

In 2240 BC I get this:



Now I know why my worker has nothing to do, we’ve been chasing religions like the crazy PETA civilization that we are.

In 2240 we found our second city, Elephant Swine, just west of Bovine Haven.



Again, when the borders expand this city will be a haven for all things swiny and elephantine. ? ??

I discover, to my horror, that Monty has entrapped my poor beaver friends:



He has fenced them in, and forced them into a camp where they were, no doubt, subjected
to the most unimaginable horrors. I shudder just thinking ‘bout it.

If only I could save those poor sheep, just to the east of Monty’s borders. Knowing Monty,
and his evil, carnivorous ways, I fear for their safety.



We are hopeless. 7th, out of 7, the most backwards civilization known. Who is this Tacitus.
What does he know? Has he been connected with any crimes against furry animals?
My scientists set out to find out.

My third city, Fishcows, is founded to the southeast of Bovine Haven.



More protection for our bovine friends. But the fish, Be Damned, I say! Farm those fish, place them in nets,
sure, we’ll accidentally kill a few dolphins in the process, so be it. Our citizens need food.
Fish food. Ha Haaa.

OK. At 850 BC I finally realize I’m a spiritual civilization, but I haven’t even bothered to research
Priesthood, so my speedy temples have done me absolutely no good.
I should just retire at this leadership thing. I decide not to quit my day job.

Well, my culture building has paid off.



The people of Tlatelolco wish to join our nice civilization. I say “Yes,” all animal lovers are welcome.
You are animals lovers? Aren’t you? (No answer.)

My capital builds not only Stonehenge, but immediately thereafter, this:



Cool.

In 425 BC, Monty chooses unwisely (well, that remains to be seen) and declares war on me.
Maybe he just doesn’t get the “no killing of animals” thingy. This forces me to go zero science so I can
upgrade all my warriors to half way functional units.

In 150 BC, Monty manages to take my capital!



The bovine are no longer protected! Monty has long since destroyed my only connection to copper,
so I haven’t been able to build any axemen for years. My workers frantically try to reconnect that copper
with mines and roads. I’m in real trouble here. Perhaps my fetish for all things furry has come back to haunt me.
Maybe we are, from the very beginning of our caveman existence, nothing but carnivores, and that any
other contrary philosophy is just nonsense. Hmmmm. I pause for thought ….

In 125 BC, to kick a man when he’s down, Hatsheptsut declares war on me too. Will no one recognize the
struggles of our furry creatures? Hatty, in the same turn, takes my northern city of Tlatelolco,
with one of her war chariots.



Fencing, breaking, and then domesticating horses, is not the way to go, Hatty.
Haven’t you been reading my flyers?

This world may not be hospitable enough for an animal lover like me.

Fishcows is captured by the Egyptian war chariots.



Do they not understand? Should we parade our
people down fashion runways, wearing ridiculous furs, and silly signs, as a means of non-violent
protest against the corruption of all furry things? How else to get our points across?

I believe I lost every single battle against the Jaguars. Even my warriors, fortified in my cities,
lost to every jaguar challenge.

In 76 AD, I research Archery. Unfortunately, the same year I lose Elephant Swine to my nemesis.



Could I be more pathetic, as a leader?

In 225 Ad, what used to be left of Stone City is quickly destroyed by more Jaguars.



I’m really not very good at this game. (But yet, its so damn compelling.)

When Fishcows was taken, I was duly informed that I had been defeated:



In sum: There is no place in this world for those who will pretend that we are vegitarians,
rather than carnivores. Even though all the scientific knowledge points toward our meat eater’s roots,
some will always pretend that we can somehow, some way, survive this world by eating plants.

Such folly.

Let us hope that we take this game to heart. And cast aside our silly, vegetarian ways.

Defeat in 250 AD. Dan Quayle, you’ve got nothin' on me.


Oh. My score:

Its either zero, or (as Sunrize089 pointed out)

10 (+5 for not declaring war, and +5 for not adopting the listed techs.

[sunrise089]

Actually....I think your score would be ten if you never declared war or adopted the forbidden civics. Normally you don't get an automatic zero for a defeat.

[Antoninus]

Actually....I think your score would be ten if you never declared war or adopted the forbidden civics. Normally you don't get an automatic zero for a defeat.

Thanks for the heads up, Sunrise089. I assumed the requirement that I "complete the game ..." meant something other than an early conquest defeat.

[Michelangelo]

Maybe the one winning in the end is the one who got defeated the quickest, so he/she is listed as fasted finish

[darrelljs]

Wow, there was a big gap in your report from 425 BC to 150 BC. I'd be curious to know what kind of military you had built up at that time?

Darrell

[Locopath]

Good game and class city names. Go Fishcows!

[Antoninus]

Wow, there was a big gap in your report from 425 BC to 150 BC. I'd be curious to know what kind of military you had built up at that time?

Darrell

You hit on my Achilles Heal, Darrelljs. I didn't prioritize BW, so didn't even know there was copper just north of my capital for quite some time. I focused instead on building Stonehenge, the Pyramids and chasing religions. And even after I connected up my copper mine, and built a few Axes, one of the first things Monty did was to disconnect that lifeline to metals. I was so peaceful in my approach that I hadn't researched archery yet, either, so had to rush towards that tech. But it was too little too late.

'Learned my lesson, though. Build more units. Must remember ...