Andariel, Maiden of Anguish, repeatedly denied request for an interview, until now. What has sparked this change? Let's find out.
-Lemming
Q: Hello. Would you prefer I call you "Andariel" or "Maiden of Anguish"?
Andariel: Die, maggot!
Q: That's all you've got?
Andariel: Your blood will boil!
Q: Hmm, needs work. Anyway, what would you like to discuss first?
Andariel: My role in the fall of Tristram.
Q: But you weren't at Tristram, were you?
Andariel: I was but Diablo fired me at the last minute! He might be a Prime Evil, but he is no match for a woman! And that's how I got my current job.
Q: If he's no match for a woman, why are you his underling?
Andariel: I meant that no woman would ever be his love match.
Q: Ah. Err... Wait, so then are you saying that nobody would ever be his love match so you pretended to be and THAT is how you got your current job?
Andariel: Well, duh. That's what all succubi do.
Q: Oh. Doesn't seem so strange then... In Tristram your job was to lure the men of Tristram to their deaths, right?
Andariel: It was going to be that, yes.
Q: So now your job is to control the minds of women and take over a monastery?
Andariel: Yes.
Q: Then it seems to me that your skills are being wasted. If you're a succubus, then why wouldn't Diablo use you in your strongest line of work?
Andariel: It was that runt's idea... Marius. The dirty, rotten...
Q: Who is Marius?
Andariel: Oh, just some drunkard that Diablo met on his way out of Tristram. Diablo thinks it's funny to turn the delusions of sots into reality.
Q: Is it?
Andariel: It's no way to take over the world if that's what you're asking.
Q: How would you take over the world?
Andariel: Well, I'd start by leading all men to their deaths. Then I'd send some incubus minions into the masses to pose as human males. Their job would be to set up daily beauty pagents, which the women would obsess over. This would lead to mass bulima and anorexia, effectively killing the female humans. And voila! The world is mine.
Q: What would you do about the Lemmings?
Andariel: They always try to kill themselves. They'd pose no threat.
Q: You never thought that Lemmings exploding all over the place wouldn't slowly destroy your army?
Andariel: They can do that?
Q: I ASK THE QUESTIONS!! Well, of course they can. Didn't you know that?
Andariel: Of course not! Who would've thought some crazy species would spell doom for a perfectly constructed plan to overthrow the mortal realm?! Certainly not me!
Q: Wanna know how to get rid of them?
Andariel: ...They can be gotten rid of? Do tell...
| WE ARE SORRY, BUT A PORITION OF THIS Q:NTERVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED FOR THE SECURITY OF ALL LEMMINGS |
Q: So, will you do it?
Andariel: Not a chance. That's just too... I don't even have words for it. If you want to be rid of Lemmings, be my guest. Maybe I can take over the world and just keep them on salary afterwards...
Q: *cough*pansy*cough* Why are you the weakest of the Prime and Lesser Evils?
Andariel: W-what do you mean weakest?! I'm not weak!
Q: It's just that Duriel, Mephisto, and Diablo all have these powerful attacks that can kill in a single blow, but you just have some pathetic poison that can be relatively easily countered. Everyone makes jokes behind your back, you know?
Andariel: Start namin' names, alphabet-boy!!
Q: Actually, I don't have a gender, though most refer to me with masculine pronouns. Anyway, I can't name names. So let's move along, shall we?
Andariel: TELL ME!!
Q: Well who do you think?
Andariel: GAAH!! I'll kill them!! *storms off*
UPS Delivery: *rings doorbell*
Q: Hello. Do you have something for me?
UPS Delivery: Just this package direct from the Bowels of Hell.
Q: Oh, why thank you. Who is it from?
UPS Delivery: Read the package, mac.
Q: Hmm, no name on the return address label... I wonder what it could be? *opens the package*
UPS Delivery: Ew... w-what is that?! *flees*
Q: I ASK THE QUESTIONS!! COME BACK HERE!! Oh, bah, what's he afraid of? *peers into the package*
Decapitated Head of Andariel: Not you again!