"Q:" recently conducted an interview with Sanctuary's local Lord of Terror, Diablo. So take heed and bear witness to the truths that lie herein, for they're nothing Diablo would dare admit elsewhere.
-Lemming
Q: Hello, Diablo, how are you today?
Diablo: Not even death can save you from me!
Q: So I've heard. Tell me, to what do you attribute your failure at Tristram?
Diablo: glare
Q: Didn't you hear me?
Diablo: ROAR
Q: Eww, what is that, Gigivitis Breath of Death?
Diablo: Foolish mortal!
Q: Look, don't make me call in the Nude Luminous Barbarian to beat you up again. You don't want that, do you?
Diablo: ...no...
Q: I thought not. So, would it be accurate to say your failure at Tristram is a direct result of your minions stealing Wirt's Leg and thereby jinxing your overthrow?
Diablo: I did not fail.
Q: That's funny. Getting your ass handed to you is generally considered to be a hallmark of being a LOSER!, wouldn't you say?
Diablo: No.
Q: Moving on, that was surely not your first loss. Many centuries ago your own underlings, Belial and Azmodan, staged a war in Hell and booted you and your brothers to Sanctuary. Are you beginning to see a pattern?
Diablo: You shall one day be my personal toilet paper.
Q: May I ask you a personal question?
Diablo: No.
Q: Good. What's up with being nude all the time?
Diablo: Comfort.
Q: Where's your !@#$? In both of your incarnations you've been naked, and both times you haven't had a !@#$. What's up with that?
Diablo: My !@#$?!?! What do you mean?!?
Q: I ASK THE QUESTIONS!!, do I not?
Diablo: My **** is right where it should be, you insolent pile of pontificating platypus placentas!
Q: A platypus is not a placental mammal, it's a marsupial. Didn't you know that? And for the record, I prefer alliterations based on the letter "q," ok?
Diablo: !$%*@*%*@#%&@(%!
Q: Another question, when you sit on the john, do those spikes in your back ever get stuck in the walls? It must be pretty embarassing to get stuck on the john, no?
Diablo: Um... err... uh...
Q: I've heard rumors that Leoric was actually a woman¹ and that you once acted as a personal incubus to her, with the end result being Albrecht. How do you respond?
Diablo: No comment.
¹: Yet to be confirmed by skeletal analysis of Leoric/Leoricita's pelvis.
Q: Fine. Do you want me to call in a favor to Wontel Milliams and have him put you on his show?
Diablo: NO! I cannot afford the child support payments at the moment!!
Q: Mm-hmm... Moving along, have you or your brothers ever engaged in an act of lewd or immoral behaviour together?
Diablo: We brushed our teeth once.
Q: That's it?
Diablo: Baal bathed.
Q: Ok... So, do you expect to win your current war against the mortals? Will the Vizier, Infector, and Seis be enough to keep them from killing you?
Diablo: Yes.
Q: *chuckle* Well, that's all my questions! Did you enjoy the interview? Diablo?... Diablo? Where'd he go?
Diablo: Now invisible, I shall sneak away unnoticed!... *growl* @%#$, I'm stuck to the chair! HELP! HEEELP!!
Q: Huh, did you hear that? Sounded like an animal. Well, anyway, g'bye folks! Eww, it stinks here. That Diablo really needs to get some deodorant. Does anyone have a can of air freshener?
Diablo: Don't leave me! NO!! HELP! PLEASE! AAAGGHHHH!!! *dies*
Hint: Use your cursor to highlight the last two question/answer sections.
-Lemming