Late Breaking News - HOT off the press - by TNT Network
We interupt this broadcast in order to bring you the latest news from the East Coast.

In the early hours of the morning, so early in fact that we ourselves are running early with this story, we can unveil the latest Variant by Charis.

Contrary to expectations, it is not some fierce fighting machine with heavily burdened handicaps as seen in so many of his creations. This time, he has chosen the humble Garden Gnome as his subject. Gone are the man-eating Valkyrie. Gone are the

Amazons, the bane of the Barbarians, gone are the Netherspawn, the personifications of Evil. This time, he has chosen the most unlikely of subjects, the peaceful, tranquil Garden Gnome.

Among the features of this Variant will be listed their preference to the Hellfire Gravediggers, a species of monsters that Charis himself has unfortunately no access to. Furthermore, the Hive will be their hunting ground, as the creatures from the Hive are evidently responsible for the destruction of the gardens of Tristram. They will mainly use items with the Jester's prefix in keeping with their own appearance; not wanting to look upstaged by any weapon with a meaner attitude than themselves. A Doppelganger's prefix can be used successfully as well, as the Gnome's preference for Mead will overly compensate the effects of seeing double anyway.

As for his reasons of why he created a variant of this kind, all he let know that it was to keep Mrs. Charis happy at work in the garden.

Please stand by for a LIVE COMMENTARY from our correspondent in Monaco:

Journalist: "Thank you for making your precious time available to us. I know that it is a hastily arranged interview and we are very grateful to you. Could you tell me, what really drove you to this diversion of your normal theme?"

Charis: "Well, since my job involves so much travel, I have to keep my mind on things that interest me. I guess I just got bored with the normal hack-em-n-slash-em types I'm known for."

J: "You talk about getting bored, isn't there anything else that would tickle your fancy, as it were? ... Not that I'm implying anything."

C,a little hesitantly: "No ... not really. My wife is very supportive and gives me a lot of space. Too much at times, so ..."I only thought it fair to give her some in return."

J, a bit baffled: "Well, not everyone would give their wife a variant ..."

C: "No, not everyone, I suppose. I just had to make sure that she would feel being together if she were to see a piece of me when I was away."

"And since she's really into the domestic scene and keeping up the garden, I ..."

J: "That's an interesting comment, really, is that the real reason you made this variant? I mean the REAL reason behind the Gnome?"

C: "I suppose you could say that."

J: "Yes, but what about the Gnome being in Hellfire. Surely this is most unusual."

C: "There's one thing you have to understand, please.

"I'm not here to make Diablo variants, I'm here to make ALL sorts of variants.

"For every game, in fact."

J: "Oh, I see. You were feeling to be typecast, is that what you are saying?"

C, thinkingly: "That would be a good way to describe it, yes."

J: "Moving on now, how successful do you think this would be?

"I mean, not every player will forever roam in the Cathedral with a small spade or weedeater."

C: "This variant is made primarily for the Monk and the Bard.

"Once they hit level 15, off they go to the Hive and they have to stay there forever."

J, confused: "Yes, but, isn't that a little restrictive?"

C: "It IS a variant, of course, the Gnome is MEANT to be restrictive.

"By keeping him in the Hive, he will make sure that those monsters will never rear their ugly heads to mess up my wife's garden."

J, utterly bewildered: "Yes, but Mr. Charis, what would you gain from that then.

"You create a variant to keep your wife company, then you shove him off to the Hive!

"Out of sight, out of mind!"

C: "Well, they still have the Gravediggers to keep company."

J: "I'm sorry, but the Gravediggers are in the Crypt, Mr. Charis."

C: "What? Have I got it wrong? That has never happened to me.

"Now how can I keep my garden safe when that Gnome goes AWOL?

"Next thing you know he'll bring back those Arch-Liches as well to lighten up the place at 4 am so I can locate the couch."

J: "I truly am sorry, Mr. Charis, but why would you need the couch at 4 am?"

C: "Well, that's my wife's idea of space. I can have all the space I want as soon as she gets up.

"I normally have at least an hour to wait after playing before can use the bed."

And you are back with us now in the studio again.

Hope you've enjoyed this broadcast and a rare insight in the life of the world's most prolific variants creator, Charis.

Goodnight, or, in this case, Good Morning.

Poster’s name with-held by request
Posted on Oct 27 1999, 12:08 PM