The OFFICIAL EitB XXI Trash-Talking Thread: Less Talk. More Trash

[HidingKneel]

The rest of us don't know what we're missing!

[Bobchillingworth]

Rosier was miserable. He sneezed, splattering the inside of his helmet with a humid mist of spit and phlegm. He had only arrived at Cauldron Lake a day before, and things were already going poorly. Mr. Scatch had called upon him as the harbinger of "a plague to bring the worthless nations of this miserable plain to their blighted knees", a summons which Rosier thought was lamentably prosaic in its disdain, but which he was compelled to obey regardless. Rosier had instead charged into the Infernal camp bearing a head cold.


Demons turned and snickered at Rosier as he sneezed again. He tried to glare at them, but his eyes were red and watering and it was impossible to focus on anything more than a few feet away. Then Rosier's horse sneezed. Rosier hated his horse.

"Can't you get me one of those mighty demon steeds, instead of this worthless nag?" he had inquired of Mr. Scratch.

"No, we did not bring any with us, and the land surrounding Cauldron Lake is mercifully free of mammals, excepting yourself."

"What? What kind of game are you playing here, anyway? First you arrive here with the world's smallest army, half of which you immediately lose, and now I am to learn that you didn't even bother to bring adequate equipment for what few troops you did bother to take with you?" sputtered Rosier.

"Speak to me again, and I will eat you." Mr. Scratch suggested helpfully.



***



Mr. Scratch was both furious and bemused. It was an odd cocktail of emotions which stayed him from reducing his palace to its component parts, but left him desperately longing for more Centaurs to personally mangle. Rosier, worthless slime that he was, had brought an actual plague with him, although the gormless cretin did not know it.




When Mr. Scratch's advisers had informed him of the "wasting disease", he was reduced to sputtering disbelief and tempted to laugh at the sheer absurdity of his misfortune. Since when did demons bear children? Or fall sick? There were no humans or other living creatures in Cauldron Lake aside from Rosier, the population of the fortress-city never increased. But evidently it was exceedingly capable of suddenly shrinking. Were Mr. Scratch anything other than a spectacularly unpleasant demon, he might have reflected on the nature of karma, and how much of a bitch it could be.

[Ilios]

Surely there are demon-children...

[Thoth]

Didn't anyone like my nice Blight song?

[Mardoc]

Didn't anyone like my nice Blight song?

Was afraid if I praised it, it would come true!

[HidingKneel]

Selrahc, I demand to know what you have done with your centaur captive!

[Selrahc]

Selrahc, I demand to know what you have done with your centaur captive!

He went to live on a lovely farm out in the country.

[HidingKneel]

Denizens of Erebus,

Please be advised that the Kuriotates have adopted a zero-tolerance policy regarding goblins, orcs, demons, and other two-legged creatures. Those who would abet the armageddon, do so at their own risk.

HK, President-for-Life of the Centaur Club

[Bobchillingworth]

It would appear that the barbarians have taken your challenge to heart

[Ilios]

Denizens of Erebus,

Please be advised that the Kuriotates have adopted a zero-tolerance policy regarding goblins, orcs, demons, and other two-legged creatures. Those who would abet the armaggedon, do so at their own risk.

HK, President-for-Life of the Centaur Club

That was quite the temper-tantrum. Pity.