[spoilers]Commodore is Tokugawa of Zulu, or, playing for second place.

[novice]

Yup.

[AutomatedTeller]

yes, people are watching this PitBoss

[Commodore]

Management would like to note a couple things. First, thanks for watching, we hope this remains entertaining. Secondly, please keep catcalls/applause/commentary to a minimum until at least after the first act (eg, Rego and Pin both watch threads for activity buzzes that tip them off). Finally, all mentions of vengence for 26, etc, are largely joking, this is something I'd be just as likely to pull against, say, Dazed.

That being said:

The rough seas of the North Passage pound against the shore, mixing with the crackling roars of a hundred bonfires to fill the night with a primal sound. The sweaty smells of a thousand horses and two thousand men add to the overwhelming sensation of chaos. Above it all stands a short, weathered man, tough and armored, wearing little ornamentation. The whole host stands silent, tall, every ear straining to hear the one man's voice.


Honorable and brave warriors, tonight is the last night for us upon this land. For many of us, this will be the last time we ever sleep in blessed Zululand, home of our great Jabberwock Clan.

A thunderous, explosive grunt echos from the assembled soldiery, as every man slams his thigh in salute. Aside from that, the disciplined soldiers of the four battalions keep silent.
[COLOR="Red"]You all have heard, now, of the treacherous Lover Emperors sending their vile people to settle southland that is rightfully ours. Our most honorable Lord Commo-san tells me that the evil PEmperor Pin is distracted by mad dreams of fleeing wolves, while the detestable Emperor Rego is obsessed with other things. The brave crews of our galleys have seen an opportunity, one that we must now take.

Do not be concerning yourselves with the blight on the homeland that is "Coneheads", in the fullness of time we shall wipe it from our land. The chief concern of our great leader is not merely to fight in some trifling border skirmish, but to rid the world of the vile Lover Emperors forever. To do so, we must move swiftly, and strike hard, into the darkened heart of Ethiopia itself. This is what we are called for, this is what we shall be doing![/COLOR]

The grunt that sounds this time is more fierce, still constrained by the iron discipline of years of hard fighting, but tinged with a dark and hungry bloodlust all the same. Firelight gleams on a thousand white smiles as the Jabberwock Clan warriors smile like wolves.
Honorable and brave warriors, this is only the beginning. The fight will last beyond the lifetimes of you all. But know that the standards and heralds of your battalions will be held in the highest regard in the halls of every ikhanda of the land. Now let us embark.

Suiting actions to words, the general slaps his own thigh in salute and walks towards the ships, where teams already are loading the war chariots and balky horses. The Expeditionary Force is going to war. The rising sun sees the sandy beach empty save the embers of the fire and the praying priestesses, asking for the sun to dawn red for the warriors soon.



General thoughts on the game, discussed with Gaspar:

[COLOR="Red"]me: Soooo...Regopin have one copper.
It's right at the city I've got four chariots heading for.[/color]
1:56 PM Gaspar: thats promising
[COLOR="Red"]me: No horses hooked yet.
My own copper online, 2 turns.
Two shock axes out, the turn after.
1:57 PM If only I had Numidians, this would be perfect revenge.[/color]
Gaspar: lol
2:00 PM me: Clearly Tokugawa or Japan are the only options from now on.
2:32 PM Gaspar: Hai, Commo-san
[COLOR="Red"]me: Indeed.
2:33 PM Wish stupid Regopin would have built the GLH or Colossus or 'mids.
Stonehenge ain't very exciting when cheap ikhandas making culture go up in every city anyway.[/color]
2:34 PM [COLOR="Orange"]Gaspar: Well
The obvious solution is to attack scooter afterwards[/color]
[COLOR="Red"]me: Right!
I'll get right on that as soon as I figure out where that is.
2:35 PM Pfft, in all seriousness, I really am not picky.
2:36 PM If I can kill off Regopin and use that production edge to wipe Cyneheard and Yuri off the continient, I'm content.
It's only some 30% of the land area in the world, but that's enough.[/color]
[COLOR="Orange"]Gaspar: If you manage that
I'll be impressed[/color]
[COLOR="Red"]me: Heh, I would be too
I expect to be in a grinding war of attrition until Krill kills us with 229672 tanks.
2:38 PM But it's good to have goals.[/color]

[Gaspar]

Sam, ftw.

[Commodore]

Elon sits a little away from the rest his crew, squatting in the cool sand and enjoying the night's breeze. Cruel foreman Zan would berate him if he noticed Elon off by himself, but for now with the finishing of the last lot, the big foreman eats happily in the middle of the camp.

Elon is the first to notice the white flashes in the distance. He stands, fire-blind eyes trying to make out details in the murky sea. Dark shapes begin to resolve as the Rattler Battalion rowers bend their backs into their labor. Elon stares, dumfounded. He turns to alert the rest of his work crew as a series of grunts sound out in the night.

Elon staggers back, still wordless, as an assegai volley falls among the Ethiopian workers. Sick sounds of sharp metal striking flesh lead immediately to cries of startled pain. Foreman Zan stands with a growl, brandishing his long cudgel towards the nighttime threat. The big foreman's piggish eyes catch Elon.

"Elon, run north, to the M'tango crews. Tell them to send word to the capital Foreman Zim will know what to do!" Zan turns again towards the shore, holding his cudgel before him. It does nothing for him as another hurled spear lashes out of the darkness and transfixes him.



Panting, his legs feeling like rubber, Elon still runs in the midmorning. In the distance, he can now see the dark shapes of more workers busying themselves with something.

"Halt! You there!" Rising from the sand, a tall man brandishes an assegai threateningly. His accent is atrocious.

Elon stops, kneels, and vomits into the sand, shaking his head. Who were these strange men? Why where they even here?

A man who looks familar comes walking up, his hands held out non-threateningly. "Hello, young worker. Hold out your arms and let them check you for weapons, then you may come into the camp and have food and water." The second man's accent is recognizable, from the Churchalady district.

Elon fought tears and more nausea as uncaring, professional hands patted his thin frame for weapons. The familar man have him a fatherly smile.

"Young man, these are warriors of the Jabberwock Clan. We work for them now. I am Foreman Zim, you are welcome to my crew. Once you have rested, you will join us in the unloading."

With mounting dread, Elon is shepherded towards the camp, where strange large animals qre being led off of beached galleys. Strange wheeled contraptions are being unloaded by sweating Ethiopian workers, as grim Jabberwock warriors look on.

Zim moves closer to Elon and lays a hand on the young worker's shoulder. "It's okay, lad, nothing else to be done."

"But the people of the city, sir, shouldn't we warn them?" Elon feels tears well up once again. "My sisters live there."

The foreman shakes his head sadly. "Nothing for it now, son. The city will know soon enough."

Let the chatter commence.

[novice]

So how did you deploy your units?

[Commodore]

So how did you deploy your units?

Sigh, the one SS that didn't take...poor Gaspar will need to wait until tonight, I guess Regopin has the city shown somewhere for you global sorts.



I pushed forward my two C1 chariots to capture both workers first, and then I had a bit of a choice. The city tile is hidden by hills, so I could either waste a shock chariot on the copper hill to look in, or push them south in a fork position in the middle of the uncultured woods. I opted for the woods, so if he's got a couple spears in whatever city that is (More Cowbell? It has cows) I'm in trouble, but I figured being able to safely sever the road connecting the city to the rest of the empire is best.

So it's copper tile ->S, C1 chariot, -> 2S, C1 chariot, -> 3S both Shock chariots.

[Commodore]

Aside from the invasion, which we won't really know the results from until later this evening/tomorrow, this was actually a most excellent turn in all ways. First off, my estimation was not wrong and we'll have copper finally online this upcoming turn. Claws Catch will go from "miserable waste of space" to "miserable waste of space that can churn out an average of 11hpt".



Figured out why Regoarrarr double-moved last turn, apparently it was either an aggressive settle or barbarian city capture. Really need to redress this differential post-haste, eh?



Whipped poor In-the-Wabe once more, this time for an archer. This gives us a nice CG2 archer for exposed Slithy Toves, and with the capital's awesome base 10hpt a shock axe is 1-turnable. Whew.



Finally, the poor abused, wounded, mauled Rattler won yet another barbarian fight (at 60% odds this time) to unlock the Heroic Epic. Awyeah. I'll promote medic and ship it over along with the shock axe to ensure that Regopin city stays Zulu.



And that, my friends, is the
[SIZE="5"]TokuZulu Solution[/SIZE].

[Commodore]

Not a ton of time, and I'm sure the brothers spam have already discussed 14472 different ways to kill me, but for now, it is well:



In the hope of eventual razing, the name of our new city is obvious:

[Mardoc]

In the hope of eventual razing,

I don't understand. If you wanted the city razed, why didn't you do so now?