Nothing like the Prodigal Sons: The Odd Couple actually play as themselves.

[Evel Kanyevel]

We're trying, guys. But the deck is stacked too far for it to matter. This is PBEM29 all over again, except that in 29 the lesson to be learned was to go all out for things whereas here the lesson is if you have an aggressive neighbor with a 3 food capital and Seven's on another continent wiping his opponent out on t37, you're screwed.

A lot less to be learned from that, I think.

I gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly
For the day I die, I'mma touch the sky
Gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly
For the day I die, I'mma touch the sky

Back when they thought pink polo's would hurt the Roc,
Before Cam got the shit to pop, the doors was closed.
I felt like Bad Boy's street team, I couldn't work the Lox (locks).
Now let's go.
Take 'em back to the plan...
Me and my momma hopped in the U-Haul van.
Any pessimists I ain't talked to them,
Plus, I ain't have no phone in my apartment.
Let's take 'em back to the club.
Least about an hour I would stand on line,
I just wanted to dance.
I went to Jacob an hour after I got my advance.
I just wanted to shine.
Jay's favorite line: "Dog, in due time"
Now he look at me, like "Damn, dog, you where I am"
A hip hop legend.
I think I died in an accident, cause this must be heaven.

Now let's take 'em high-igh-igh-igh-igh-igh la la la la la la la
(Top of the world, baby. T-Top of the world)
Now let's take 'em high-igh-igh-igh-igh-igh la la la la la la la
(Top of the world, baby. T-Top of the world)

Back when Gucci was the shit to rock,
Back when Slick Rick got the shit to pop,
I'd do anything to say "I got it".
Damn, them new loafers hurt my pocket.
Before anybody wanted K-West beats,
Me and my girl split the buffet at KFC.
Dog, I was having nervous breakdowns,
Like "Damn, these niggas that much better than me?"
Baby, I'm going on an airplane,
And I don't know if I'll be back again.
Sure enough, I sent the plane tickets,
But when she came to kick it, things became different.
Any girl I cheated on, sheets I skeeted on.
I couldn't keep it home, I thought I needed a Nia Long.
I'm trying to write my wrongs,
But it's funny these same wrongs helped me write this song.
Now,

I gotta testify, come up in the spot looking extra fly
For the day you die, You gonna touch the sky
(You gonna touch the sky babygirl!) Testify, come up in the spot
Looking extra fly
For the day you die, You gonna touch the sky

Yes, yes, yes guess who's on third?
Lupe steal like Lupin the Third.
Hear like ear till I'm beer on the curb
Peach fuzz buzz but beard on the verge
Slow it down like we're on the syrup
Bottle-shaped body like Mrs. Butterworth's.
But, before you say another word,
I'm back on the block like I'm laying on the street.
I'm trying to stop lion like a Mum-Ra,
But I'm not lying when I'm laying on the beat.
Engarge, touché Lupe cool as the unthawed
But I still feel as possessed as a gun charge.
I come as correct as a porn star,
In a fresh pair of steps and my best foreign car.
So, I represent the first.
Now, let me end my verse right where the horns are like

(We back at home, baby)
Sky high
I'm, I'm sky high
I'm, I'm sky high
I'm, I'm sky high
I'm, I'm sky high
I'm, I'm sky high
Sky, Sky high
I'm, I'm sky high
Yeah! (Keep it rolling)
(Feels good to be home, baby! Feels good to be home!)

[Kanye West]

A trinity of Kanye's will cheer you on! Singing songs to inspire you!

Why everything that's supposed to bad make me feel so good?
Everything they told me not to is exactly what I would
Man I tried to stop man I tried the best I could
But (PB16 makes me smile)

What's your addiction? Is it micro? Is it meta? Is it war?
I've been afflicted by not one, not two, but all three
Pitboss got the same thing, about me, but more, about us
Pitboss coming over, so I guess, that means, I'm on drugs
Just let me peek now, I mean damn, I'm so curious
Pitboss got a lover, so the lies, and the lust, is a rush
Time's of the essence, I need, you to be, spontaneous
Roll up the doge, henny and c-c-c-cola, then I'm c-coming over
Cuz its ne-never over

Why everything that's supposed to bad make me feel so good
Everything they told me not to is exactly what I would
Man I tried to stop man I tried the best I could
But (PB16 make me smile)

I see the emotion in your eyes, that you, try not to show
We get the closest when you high, or you drunk, or you blow
So I pour the potion, so we could both get high, as we could go
Then I'll get the lotion, and do something to me, when your thighs is exposed
There's no turning back now, I mean I don't mean to impose
Not now but right now, I need you to undress, and then pose
I'm into that now, catch a vibe, when the doors, get closed
Roll up the doge, henny and c-c-c-cola, and I keep co coming over
Cuz its ne-never over

Why everything that's supposed to bad make me feel so good
Everything they told me not to is exactly what I would
Man I tried to stop man I tried the best I could
But...
(PB16 You Make Me Smile)
(You make me smile with my heart)

[Gaspar]

You guys are insane.

[The Real Kanye West]

You say you're Kanye West?
Is that fake shit yo' Kanye Best?
I write sicker shit wearin' a dress.
I do better 'en dat and call it a mess.
You better testify some more.
I ain't feelin' that weak shit for sure.
You rap feelin' so secure.
You rap worse than a little girl.
Evel you ain't no Kanye West.
You a bitch ass punk like all the rest.

And you, the other other Kanye West.
You doin' better, you tryin' at least.
But you better step back, it's time to feast
on all you posers doin' yo' Kanye least.
And before you say I rhyme lazy, you Kanye East.
And you say I can't rhyme, here's the test:
You ever heard a verse go A B B B B A?
Me neither, this shit goes A B B B B A C C, eh?
You think I ain't heard about that shit?
Your underestimatin' don't bother me one bit.

I'm a literary genius y'all think a fool.
Y'all a literal penis, a bunch a tools.
I'm The Real Kanye West, it's ne-never over.
Except for you punk asses, the show's over, posers.

[Gaspar]

t64 - After the Rain

Oh yes, boys and girls... that's a NELSON reference...





Unfortunately, not a great catchup turn, since we revolted to Buddhism this turn. Which we mostly did to counter the effects of persistent whip anger that Gavagai's attack forced us into. Nonetheless, I'll give you a quick trip around the empire, such as it is.




That's the military situation. Gavagai only has 1 visible unit, which is his warrior that's been scouting us for 30t and us allowing that is why we lost 2 workers. The axe will force him to move this turn. Eventually, we need a unit on that hill ourselves, though the hill will be in our culture before too long. Anyway, you can see the barb city, Burgundian. That's pretty critical since we can't let the G child take it. We'll probably look to move on it in ~10t or so. The problem for us right now is that we really can't move on anything since we have shit production.

Astute observers of the last shot will note we settled our 4th city, healthcare.gov, this turn. For the record, healthcare.gov isn't a real scandal, its a FOX NEWS SCANDAL, and hence I wouldn't have named a city after it so early. But Noble wanted to, so there it is. Its a shithole, as we've known all along, but we need horse so we settled it.




I'll go through the remaining cities in reverse order of settlement. Iran Contra was the 3rd city, settled to get us moving towards gold. It has no production and we've been a bit starved for worker labor towards it - initially because the workers were going to be occupied with the Oracle run, consequently because we lost 2 workers and then had to prioritize getting the 4th city ready. Nonetheless, it has the 2 buildings it needs and now 2 improved tiles (we finished the cottage this turn.)




The Buddhist holy city, Plame Affair, is the frontline. Warren's troops have been in the area and it has stalled the cities growth. The thing is, it won't ever do much without the whip so that we had to stack whip anger by whipping 2t apart was not ideal.




The capital, Whiskey Ring, also has been hurt by whipping. A chop meant for Oracle went into healthcare.gov's settler. Its been alternating between units and foodhammer units, as is all it really can do.




That is that, really in terms of us. In terms of world news - someone built Stonehenge a few turns ago - if I were more engaged I would have checked civstats to tell you who. Without looking I'd guess either Mikehendi, who is high-score man or ad hoc, who is the worst player with the IND trait. I'll put a nickel on ad hoc but this is the first time I've cared about this since it happened.

In Warren G news - here's his land:




He's settled a 5th city somewhere we don't know. Since we last spoke, he's teched Archery and Sailing and is now saving gold on Meditation. If he heads towards Priesthood, we might just have to build Oracle anyway, since we can't let him get any further ahead. Here's the power graph:



We're currently 6th in soldier points for perspective's sake.

I guess I'll show demos, but I just showed you the only one that really matters to us this game. I'm sure there are some armchair quarterbacks wondering why we're "so obsessed" with Gavagai and think we're being poor sports or something but this is the map we've been dealt. What we have is a 12-player game distilled into 6 duels. The best player in the game won his duel on t37. To compete, we needed detente in our duel against the guy with the much better start while we fished around for home run plays. Instead, we got burned by our need to go that route and fell far behind the guy we're dueling. So the only thing that matters is trying to stay alive long enough to come up with a way to catch up in the duel. We can catch up by making sparkling plays or we can catch up by pegging him back - we can't catch up by ignoring him and trying to build sandcastles that we hope he won't stomp on. Right now, I'd say there's a 70% chance he eventually eliminates us. The 30% chance we have is largely due to us being good enough players and then random variation. Because every advantage at this point is with him. So being focused on Gavagai *is* being focused on the game. While we're utterly disheartened, we're certainly still trying hard.



Lastly - we're currently debating next tech choice. We teched Archery and finished Priesthood. We're planning on going Writing > Math but Writing is largely useless to us because we have no other neighbors to sign OB with or trade routes to profit from even if we did AND no free hammers with which to build libraries. Math however is valuable for the improved chopping. At full burn, we'd get Math in ~20t. We currently have 50g and lose 8gpt at 100%. Noble thinks maybe we should just save gold until we can tech straight through to Math. I'm undecided. There's also the possibility we tech something else, like Fishing to work the lakes in a pinch and build an exploring Work Boat eventually; HBR - but this has been dismissed because we don't have the production to build HAs; something else I can't think of, maybe IW to get an Iron yield in play somewhere. Any thoughts, team?

[spacetyrantxenu]

Future Tech so you can build a time machine and prevent that whole Benghazi Gavagai situation. Also, you'd get to relive yesterday's rap battle. Is probably worth it just for that.

Noble, how many beakers do you need for Future Tech?

[Boldly Going Nowhere]

Spit-balling:

We need to win hammer exchanges in every possible encounter. We can do this most easily with skirmishers in favorable defensive positions until he gets to catapults, if we can force him to engage our units. Can you identify places where we can park skirmishers to thwart his expansion and worker management? Anything with a forest/hill. Choke cities. Force him to violently remove our units and push the fighting to him so our worker movements are freed.

We need to settle the "Want" city, now south of the barb city, for whip anger relief and to work the gold but we really need more workers first. And units. Damn...

Whiskey Ring is our best hammer site. We can 3t skirmishers at size 4 easily with some overflow and mix that with chariots. We can make small numbers of these guys very annoying for Gavagai in the right spots.

How bad is the whip anger in WR and PA? All I can think to do with PA is cycle 3pop settlers and overflow for a worker and then regrow. Healthcare.gov may suck now, but it's getting better (pun). :P I'm assuming a quick chop for the monument and size 2 whip for the granary, then work all the hammers? That's the fastest way to get second ring for the rice but I don't know if getting the rice improved sooner comes out ahead of just chopping the granary and saving food in the box earlier.

Anyway...we basically need everything, and G has more of everything than we do. We have to narrow the gap on him through superior tactics, and I think that means pushing the fight to him if we can choose defensive positions that force him to attack. But I have no idea if this is even possible. We can safely settle our backfill areas and get some units out there, but unfortunately there is little food in that backfill river area for whipping units. In a regular expansion it looks very nice, but the short term benefit seems pretty bleak for what we need right now.

Basically, I just don't know.

[Gaspar]

Spit-balling:

We need to win hammer exchanges in every possible encounter. We can do this most easily with skirmishers in favorable defensive positions until he gets to catapults, if we can force him to engage our units. Can you identify places where we can park skirmishers to thwart his expansion and worker management? Anything with a forest/hill. Choke cities. Force him to violently remove our units and push the fighting to him so our worker movements are freed.

I agree with this sentiment and we definitely need a more guerrilla mentality. I think we need to get to a bit of a sentry net out on him - treating him like the barbarian he is - but unfortunately that's just a luxury we can't afford.

We need to settle the "Want" city, now south of the barb city, for whip anger relief and to work the gold but we really need more workers first. And units. Damn...

This is the issue. We need gold city, we need barb city, we need defense and we still need to consider Oracle for denial purposes. With no hammers - we just can't have everything we need.

Whiskey Ring is our best hammer site. We can 3t skirmishers at size 4 easily with some overflow and mix that with chariots. We can make small numbers of these guys very annoying for Gavagai in the right spots.

See above. We just can't do this right now, even if we'd love to. Its the difference between being Commodore and being us. While I'm content to ruin his game once we've exhausted every possible avenue to bolster ours, ultimately we'll have more success if we recover, regroup and hit him strategically down the road. If we have nothing else on him, we have a lot more experience in these games so we have to play the longer game and wait for him to make a mistake.

How bad is the whip anger in WR and PA? All I can think to do with PA is cycle 3pop settlers and overflow for a worker and then regrow. Healthcare.gov may suck now, but it's getting better (pun). :P I'm assuming a quick chop for the monument and size 2 whip for the granary, then work all the hammers? That's the fastest way to get second ring for the rice but I don't know if getting the rice improved sooner comes out ahead of just chopping the granary and saving food in the box earlier.

Plame currently has 2 whip unhappy and the capital has 1. I think its 8t for the 2nd whip unhappy to leave in Plame and 4t for the last one in the cap. They're no longer debilitating but they are option limiting. I think Plame's destiny is many foodhammer units, both slow-built and whipped but the bottom line is everything good still has to come from the cap which is the only place with reasonable hammer production.

We will certainly chop the monument in HC after we pasture the horses. That still means a long time to Rice - you're talking 4t pasture, 2t road, move to forest, chop forest = 10t before the chop comes in. Then 10t to border pop.

Anyway...we basically need everything, and G has more of everything than we do. We have to narrow the gap on him through superior tactics, and I think that means pushing the fight to him if we can choose defensive positions that force him to attack. But I have no idea if this is even possible. We can safely settle our backfill areas and get some units out there, but unfortunately there is little food in that backfill river area for whipping units. In a regular expansion it looks very nice, but the short term benefit seems pretty bleak for what we need right now.

Basically, I just don't know.

Yeah, pretty much agree with all of this. We're working on a plan, but its not much at the moment. Appreciate any and all advice/feedback from the team. Also appreciate the team still being around.

[Gaspar]

t66 - Don't get your kicks...

So some good news!




Free Buddhism spread in healthcare.gov means we can skip the Monument with just 1 hammer wasted in it. We swapped to a Granary, which can otherwise follow the same plan as the Monument.

Overview here. Not pictured - the G Child's warrior scurried home. Remains to be seen if there's friends coming back, though.




For funsies, let's take a look at the power graph...





Looks like a 2-pop whip 2t ago, so almost certainly an Axeman, probably overflowing to a Chariot, though we'll see next turn for sure. That action means we're forced to whip units in Plame rather than foodhammer units. We swapped to an Axe, for next turn, which will overflow to another Skirmisher. If there's no imminent threat, we might sling that Axe over to Iran Contra to think about Burgundian.

Here's the demos. I will endeavor to report every turn again going forward, though my hatred for all my screenshot editors makes that a dicier proposition. I think at least 50% of my quality reporting can be attributed to the lovely Gadwin Printscreen Pro which I can not justify spending $25 on a second time. So the current situation means all reports are chores. So it goes.

[pindicator]

healthcare.gov should have gone for a private US tech company instead of the usual government bureaucratic contract nightmare. Get a known tech powerhouse with lots of history and name recognition. You know, someone like Oracle. That's what the State of Oregon did for their health exchange: we contracted Oracle to set it up for us. Oracle did such a great job that the website still isn't up yet and they won't even give us a timetable for when it might be up.

Leave it to the government to half-ass a cluster#%*@. You need private industry if you really want to waste public funds


Edit: I recommend Paint.NET as freeware options go