[spoilers]Oh Canada! Victoria has a Commodore, eh?

[Commodore]

I'm growing woo!


Sadly, I'm going to need about three more cats and four more knights to clean up the island. WLP keeps a' trollin.


Ackbar did warn me about that dangling galley, though...

[Zed-F]

I think you wanted a different screenie for that last one...

[Commodore]

Thanks, yep. Also visible is the annoying little upgrade from spear to pike in Magic Flute...odds go from 64% to 21%.

[Commodore]

Thanks, yep. Also visible is the annoying little upgrade from spear to pike in Magic Flute...odds go from 64% to 21%.

...and lost.


But at least I beat up his super-galley.


I considered beating up Toronto, another big city, to get a third great person, but this sucker was hard to grow.

[Commodore]

...of course, we all know that some nations aspire to attitudes and characteristics that match their heraldry; the Babylonians call themselves the Lions of Centralis, after all, and think of themselves as mighty hunters. But I am going to endeavor here to mark each of the Eighteen Nations by the native beasts they most accurately match; and I will do it in rough order of national power.

1. Vikings; Orcal Whale.
Our dear next-door neighbors to the south are a rough and tumble sorts, aggressive and nautical hunters prone to raping Roman dolphins. They are perhaps the most powerful nation in the world today, with a good 40% more cities than any other nation, the best economy in the world, and mighty armies.
Orcal Whales are massive and vicious killers native to the East Grudgantic Sea; the Vikings hunt them for sport and whalers out of Regina do at times too. They are pack hunters, able to slay anything in the deeps but the very mightiest of the whales, and humans fall prey to them at times as well. For all that, these creatures are very tasty when caught and eaten. These apex predators of the sea are clearly the Vikings' true heraldry animal.

2. Ottomen; South Ottomanian Grizzly.
If the Vikings are not the most powerful nation upon the planet, then the Ottomen are. Landbound, colossal, indomitable, the Ottomen dominate the southern half of Centralis and shake the world with their might. From their capital of Plainfood the mighty Hosts of Mack with their countless banners war on the Spanish and Babylonians constantly; indeed the titanic conflict even now being waged over the middle of Centralis will probably go down in history as the most important in the world.
Ottomanian Grizzlies are the largest predators to tread upon the earth, and unlike their more omnivorous cousins these bears subsist almost entirely upon the flesh of other creatures; even elephants have been brought down by these vast predators from time to time. Entire scouting parties and war bands in ancient times would be set upon and slain by these bears; they are only rarely hunted ever now although their paw meat is exceptionally delicious. The Ottomen are well represented by these, the kings of all bears.

3. Germans; Centralian Elephant.
In the dusty plains of North Centralis, the grey and towering Germans trumpet fearlessly. They are not so vast a nation as the Vikings or the Ottomen, but the scientists of Germany are the best in the world and the mechanistic and nationalistic civil service of the land organizes a large and lumbering state. The Germans are less terrifying than those listed above, but that does not make them anything remotely safe. India is locked into war with Germany now; the world watches and waits to see how well the subcontinent defends against their trumpeting charge.
We are all familiar with the Indian Elephants used in the army, but the wild and huge Centralian Elephants are tamed by no man; the aggressive and clear beasts own the plains where they live and woe betide the fool who tries to near one. One of the most astonishing delicacies in the world is the roasted elephant ear. The Germans' totem is quite rightly these grey terrors.

4.Mayans; White Tiger.
In far-off South Sanguina, Maya stalks through the taiga relentlessly, growing slowly but ruthlessly, slaying their American prey in quick bursts. The commercial power of their trade routes help the Maya be one of the most advanced nations of the world, easily the most knowledgeable and cultured people in blood-soaked Sanguina. While not as large as the Ottoman Empire or the Viking Leagues, the sprawling kingdom of Maya is one of the largest in the world, and only those nations mentioned above know more of science and engineering. The yearly advance through the heart of America empowers the Maya ever more; their power in the world will keep growing.
White Tigers are the premier hunters of Sanguina, and the largest cats in the world. Intelligent and resourceful, they are prized as pets by the Mayan kings but never taken for granted as safe. Their fur is impressively warm, but the real reason white tigers are caught is their excellent texture when broiled. I can think of no better symbol of the Mayans than this massive and patient predator.

5a. Canadians; Moose.
At last, my gentle readers, we come home. Though I must tell you, even ranking our nation fifth is a stretch...we are indeed so near three other nations in power, development, and territory that I place us all together. The large, peaceful, and majestic nation of Canada is even more probably the least influential place in the world today; home though it is to the Holy See and the birthplace of Christendom, Canada receives few pilgrims and accepts no tithes. Or armies are small and largely concerned with defense, and we seek nothing out of the world save to be let alone and in peace. We are advanced, but not cutting edge. We are populous, but not innumerable. Life in Canada is cold but good.
So it is apropos then that upon every spit of land in Greater Canada there dwell meese, the well-spiced moose jerky being the most popular jerked meat in the world. The moose is large but docile; though few predators would trouble the creature it troubles none others save those that trespass upon its home turf. We are the People of the Moose; that should be both our humility and our pride.

5b. Babylonians; Cheetah
They are agile, swift, and strong; the Babylonians have carved out an empire in the midst of fierce giants through skill, cunning, and aggression. The hapless Spanish were pushed back from their jungle haunts by the bows of Babylon; Germany was kept at bay by deserts while the Ottomen were kept at bay by cold iron. Surrounded on all sides by strength, only by perfect balance have these people prospered. That, a fierce, swift conquest.
The lean and large cheetahs of Middle Centralis are the fastest animals in the world; while lions and jackals hunt in the same lands by packs, the long cheetahs are solitary or at most pair hunters. Somewhat less will known about cheetahs is that their livers are delicious roasted and in a salad. Nothing can outrun them, and very few creatures can outfight them...so indeed how else could we herald the Babylonians? They may in the end be overpowered but they will never be beaten with ease.

5c. Chinese; Mountain Cougar
Measured pacing through their hunts; careful and territorial and balanced, the Chinese are an impressive people. Their faith in laws is legendary, their engineering impressive. Although their current development in the sciences is slightly behind the rest of us upon this rank, they are slowly through the decades consuming the Companions of the Dutch, and Great China shall be vast indeed when their conquests come to a full flowering.
Throughout the hills and mountains of Grudgea, Mountain Cougars rule, their high screams the last thing many an unwary goat, antelope, or boar ever hears. Tan Wolves of the north and jaguars in the jungle might bring down larger prey, but when a cougar begins its stalk, it does not give up. They also taste delightfully of bacon. Thus it is with its people, the Chinese, who have stalked the Dutch through the centuries.

5d. Greeks; Black Wolf
Through the northern woods of Sanguina, the baying packs of the Greeks cornered and slaughtered the last of the Mongols. Now faced with the stronger herds of Inca, the Greek hamstring and parry, bleeding their large but passive prey. It is anyone's guess for how it will all end, but the Greeks are hard and powerful lot, advanced and aggressive and strong. Where they lack the size of some, they are coordinated and skilled, as the burned tundra of Mongolia attests.
Black wolves are native to all of North Sanguina; they are strong and hardy pack hunters, intelligent and patient. They might lack the size of a tiger or a bear, or the swiftness of a cheetah or the agility of a cougar, but they are tireless, running for days after their victims over snow, plains, or woodland. Although gamey, smoked wolf is also one of the better meats in the world. The Greeks are like the black wolves; they are not the greatest nation upon the world, but they are definitely in the high ranks.

This is a hard foursome to rank, which is why I wussed out and tied us all. In terms of current development, it's clearly Finarry > Ichabod > me > Bigger right now, but given conflicts as they appear, in terms of future prospects it is precisely reversed, Bigger > me > Ichabod > Finarry.

9. Indians; Centralian Wild Cow
Dogged, stubborn, bovine, the Indians sit placidly on their subcontinent, neither highly advanced nor unduly primitive, neither world-shakingly strong nor weak. The hammering guns of the Germans and the wild berserks of the Vikings might soon spell the end of this ancient culture, but for now they are a strong nation upon the earth; every year thousands of Hindu Canadians make the trek to India, and their elephants under the banners of Canada fight in the far corners of the world.
Sacred to the Hindus, the Centralian Wild Cow is the forebear of all domestic cattle in the world; these dabbled and placid beasts can still be found in small herds among the mild hills of western India. Tragically, the Hindu do not eat them, for their beef is astoundingly good. They are dangerous when crossed, but never offensive; shy, elusive beasts. The kine of India well represent the people of the nation.

10. Incans; Vale Tapir
In the unhealthy, sweltering floodplains of Sanguina, Inca gambols carefree in the mud, large and stolid, passive as it watches the rest of the world pass it by. Oddly for a people who have been at violent war continuously for thousands of years, the Inca would never dream invasion or conquest; they are a content and prosperous people who cheerfully bumble through life. Neighboring any other race, the weak and mad Khmer would have long ago been conquered. But the Inca are a peaceful lot, looking on their primitive neighbors as mere misguided children.
The large and frankly ridiculous Vale Tapir is a strange and unnerving beast; it is capable of extreme violence but it only uses its strength defensively. It is also a tremendously destructive animal to its local environs, trashing them into a horrendous squalor and moving on. For all that when well boiled tapir is a gustatory rapture. With their terrible cities and bizarre pacifism, the Inca are clearly the people of the Tapir.

11. Carthaginians; Sanguinar Dhole.
Low and lean, Carthage has slowly grown and begun to prosper among the carrion wrack of Central Sanguina. Fierce and angry swarms of Khmer have long poured over their northern borderlands, and the hard Numidian horsemen of Carthage always beat them back, while now the great equatorial hinterlands of America fall before them as the Maya fight the nation's main strength. Reasonably advanced, reasonably sized, and reasonably aggressive the Carthaginians will continue to grow stronger on the world stage as time goes on.
Dholes are the wild pack hunters of equatorial Sanguinar; they are efficient and effective predators for all their relative small size. Intelligent and friendly, many Sangiunar stories cast dholes in trickster roles. Carthaginian Stew is made of Dhole-bones, and is delicious. What does the dhole say? Carthage.

12. Dutch; Prongleloid Antelope
The Dutch were born under an ill omen, the ancient prey of the Chinese. They leap, run, prosper, and grow, but in the end the die was ever cast; they would be subsumed by their neighbors.
Antelope are nearly as good jerked as Canadian Meese, and far easier to hunt; they are swift and strong animals that well represent the Doomed Dutch, alas.

13. Americans; Pullman's Porcupine
America was once proud; Americans were once mighty. Now, alas, they are a swiftly fading people of a crumbling nation. But they bristle with spines, hurting their hunters even as they roll into death.
Pullman's Porcupine is one of the smaller spiny-beasts in the world, but adorable and tenacious, and good on wild rice. Americans in their twilight are doing well to emulate the wee beast.

14. Spanish; Azolian Mink.
Proud and bloody-minded, the Spanish exist only for one reason; to assist their Ottomen lords in destroying the Babylonians. Occasional rebellions aside, the Spainish are loyal to their betters and fierce fighters against the forces of Babylon throughout the ages. The sun is setting now on Spain, but they will have an honored place among the slaves in the Ottoman Empire.
Azolian Minks are fierce and vengeful creatures, prone to stalk prey or predators for weeks if they feel threatened. They offer a scant dish, but a strong and flavorful one. Spain is the mink and the mink is clearly Spain.

15. Khmer; Rabid Shrew.
Not much is known of Khmer internal politics; ritualized murder is their only method of communication with outsiders. They are clearly like the insane Rabid Shrew of West Sanguina, a fierce but tiny bane of insects throughout the jungles. An oddly delicious alcoholic beverage is distilled from the shrew's urine by the Khmer, making the comparison perfect.

16. Mongolians; Tundra Quagga
Extinct: Found palatable by Greeks

17. Romans; Dodo
Extinct: Hunted for Yule feasts by Vikings

18. Sumerians; Common Auk
Extinct: Delicious but long dead.
-University of Ottawa Report, 1100 AD

[Zed-F]

[Ceiliazul]

awesome. was that all built around naming yourself the canadian moose?

[spacetyrantxenu]

When can we expect the first edition of the Realms Beyond Cookbook? I'd like a look at grandma's recipe for the gustatory rapture that is boiled tapir.

[Rowain]

What a great post

[Boldly Going Nowhere]

Time for lunch! Thanks for the appetizer!!