[spoilers] The Bulldog of Africa: Commodore gets boat murdered

[Commodore]

That was hilarious. Did you see the looks on their faces lads? Warmules fat on the flesh of the barbarians, wagon-drivers all bloody-sworded and loaded down with plunder, and the neighbors so hopeful-looked.
    Of course we burned the place! Why on Armok's brown earth would we let those paint-huffing, skirt-wearing, tree-loving apeheads profit from our victory? If that company of mule-drivers gets one more victory we're going to have to carve a heroic epic for them. Although Armok only knows where we'll find enough marble.

[Commodore]

11th Timber, Year of the Peccary
Survey results are finally in; looks like we will be sending more colonists north than I first thought. The dry hell site of Sparkgear will be nonetheless a national priority because of wine, of course, and the inclusion of steaks in our diet won't go amiss. The clams we'll claim north of Skyscrapes aren't going to ever be worth much but it's food and mines. But that island! Sure, it's a sweaty jungle hell moister than Armok's hairy armpit, but mining gems? That is the reason we get out of bed every morning.

Those worthless clods in Gemclod are jealous that we've found actual gems; still not changing the name of their fortress. Continued complainers will be forced to chop jungles.

[Grimace]

Just wanted to say I'd never heard of Dwarf Fortress before this thread, and now I've had to try it out.

Also, I laughed a lot.

[MindyMcCready]

but mining gems? That is the reason we get out of bed every morning.

Gem lovers - beware the Lonely Mountain. And where the hell are the Misty Mountains on this map?

A little off-topic but that's all I know about dwarves.

Entertaining thread as always Master Commodore.

[Commodore]

Bricks without straw? That's nothing. I demand my drudges make a great library without marble! That'll teach those slackers. Don't really care much for literature, myself, but we're going to be cutting down all the remaining timber around the Home Fort, might as well make it something grand.

The miasma around here is getting damn near intolerable. Operation Cow/Banana/Clam is under way to rectify the situation, which is starting to lead to starvation. Completely ridiculous, back in my day we just choked back the gorge, took another draft of ale, and trudged onward.

[Commodore]

Lanternwebs has to be the worst place for a lover of the cool dark in the world. Its sweaty, and bright, and miserably uncouth yet. I've set the drudges to “build culture”, as best they can with the limited materials on hand. Once we cut down all this sweaty jungle this will be a prime location, particularly for the gem mines but maybe even more importantly for those in the home forts the banana and clam exports should help the health issues. But Armok curse us for getting from here to there.

At least we're in a quiet zone. Reports are filtering in from scouting fishermen that the Pathfinders are sneaking up on the forces of the Khan. I wish them luck, as the boys in brown seem to be running up an impressive economy. They even have a civil service!

Bah. It's fine, we'll have one of those ourselves once we figure out how to institute a Monarchy and all that rot. No idea what the time-frame is, though, I just work here.

[AutomatedTeller]

this may be the most amusing thread yet. I've never heard of this game, but it feels like it was made as therapy.