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Are you, in fact, a pregnant lady who lives in the apartment next door to Superdeath's parents? - Commodore |
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Need marriage strategy
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My wife is getting on my case about not being romantic enough. I insist that I'm a blind man grasping for straws as long as she won't give me any hints, but she insists that I'm on my own.
So I turn to the expertise. What should I do? Bonus points for romance suggestions that my financial advisor approves of.
Do small romantic things, not big gestures. Especially as she's asking for romance.
Make them surprises too, like a self-cooked dinner under candles which she isn't expecting (need to make sure she has a few hours out of the house to prepare it!). One other thing I might suggest - go dancing together. If there is a beginners ballroom class nearby, go to it together. From watching couples come to my classes for years, it can bring them closer together and can be romantic. Just keep surprising her (pleasant surprises!!!) and she'll be happy
"You want to take my city of Troll%ng? Go ahead and try."
What did you do when you were dating? Seemed to work then no?
Other suggestions might include a weekend getaway somewhere nice. Depends on your budget. Or if you know her schedule, you could prepare a nice warm bath for her with scents and flowers. Maybe a foot / shoulder massage after a tiring day at work.
Read The Five Love Languages. Your wife may be looking for a completely different type of reinforcement than you do; actions you think are romantic may not be viewed as such by her. Recognizing and supplying the type of support she craves will strengthen your relationship.
(Not a paid endorsement; this book just made a lot of sense to me, and is the type of logical division into classes that gaming nerds would understand).
The problem of 'romantic' is that it is not definable.
The things one finds as romantic are useless for the other. So, you probably need a little "Holmes" action: to look at what she reads, which films she likes, what is her favourite colour or animal, or music (and what was her home like, her room?). To notice those small phrases she says about things that take her attention when you're walking through the town. To even take notes, probably. Then I comply with the above mentioned necessity to "surprise", romantic is certainly surprising, not expected but very nice (she probably does not want to tell you, because then it loses the charm, it is calculated). If you did your Holmes job, you'll know what kind of surprise is the good one. A gift probably or a small situation, flowers (dance is great if she mentioned it). Or a time for a talk in the evening, no rush, with some "dreaming together" about something (you find as a Holmes).
Also, one big romantic event is normally not great as she may think you are only doing it because you told her to and that you're trying to get out of the doghouse in one shot.
Frequent (but not predictably so) small surprises and showings of affection will work much better in this situation I think, because she will likely be caught up in it more and less likely to think you are doing it just because she told you to.
"You want to take my city of Troll%ng? Go ahead and try."
And also, loving the Holmes references kyrub!
"You want to take my city of Troll%ng? Go ahead and try."
Twinkletoes89 Wrote:she may think you are only doing it because you told her to and that you're trying to get out of the doghouse in one shot.But getting out of the doghouse in one shot appeals greatly to the tactician inside me  Oh, and my wife thinks you're a genius kyrub. |
Has been useful, actually.