[Spoilers] When Commodore is 64

[Commodore]

It sounds like you are proposing a two-front land war in asia. I forsee nothing but victory.

Only worked out once, for the BEST BARBARIAN IN THE WORLD EVER.

[Commodore]

Seriously though, I'm not going to try my hand at "I'll take you all on" unless I'm forced. The peace treaty with LT just expired and note the positioning of his workers. Seems a bit lax to me, but... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also seen, of course, Wetbandit taking the shears below his own belt.

Thirty four units charmingly introduce themselves on the other side...fifteen of which can go ahead and pummel the city next turn.

That ocean tile's scouting for me is pretty sweet.

[Commodore]

Holy crap, folks. So chucklenaughts? Yeah. Those things are sick. Wetbandit declared war and offered 25gpt for peace, which was nice but no. He kept those same units as seen above there, added another cat. I had slightly below-average luck, but even so, after G2->attacking...here's where we are:

Sorry man, that just hurts. Only the archer got good odds defending...

Good turn. 'cuz also I landed this ole' thing.

Weirdly enough, first time I've ever won this wonder?

[Commodore]

Poor Wetbandit. He missed the full implications of the hill-road into robusto, apparently. He had no option but to further withdraw, leaving the city open for this CG2 longbow to take...

Funds another turn of Guilds, too...

...which allows the mounted elements of my AI-style stack to break ranks and zoom through the newly created roads to further harry and harm his own main battle stack. It wasn't flawless...I lost several chariots at evenish odds...but every horse archer made a kill, which in turn grievously injured his catapults via flanking, actually killing two of them. The one chariot that did live is also a handy 6xp, C1...so the new great general will manage the supermedic plus of C1, Medic III, Morale. Ouch, Aztecs.

Hammer the wounded and retreating, ignore the few healthy flankers.

Robusto, now Atlantis Ruins, is a fine city; I greedily had it dotted early on. Good food, plains hill, river...I'd have taken it for peace if it wasn't also on the road for the Pyramids. I did swiftly give away those clams to the non-revolting Wilds east of the bay.

It came with a granary, good. Monument is via Stonehenge.

Here's where we are. The big bunch of roughage in Atlantis Ruins is pretty damaged, but should be plenty enough to stop retaking. The slow stack grinds on...I'd be worried, but power rating says this is basically *it* for the Aztecs. And they are in caste, so no whips either. Knight wave to follow on, barbarians are in full horde mode people!

Sucks to be civilized.

[Commodore]

Hark! A wild save appears! The long long interim had my rivals do...very little, in point of fact. The invasion stack got hit by cats, and sucked up some pretty nasty damage, but remains pretty much intact. Pretty okay outcome, honestly, most of the collateral hits didn't go for the chucks.
   

Poor Wetbandit ain't getting the rolls, here. I had ~27% odds of winning with the longbow in the galley against the single archer in Busto, but in half my sims that got it redlined enough that the archer following could kill it and burn the city. Then, of course, the longbow had the temerity to actually win, and win with 4.7 health remaining at that. Just had to keep the city (which came with a granary) at that point. He might retake it but that's units sucked away from the real battles so I'm a happy camper in that case too.
   

Riven and bloody, the main stack still yet advances; now with an awesome Medic 3 chariot in tow. Probably will stop and heal at the hills outside of Jokestars, but Lol Donkaments and her Pyramids beckon seductively still. I have a third great general following up in the rear; he'll probably sprinkle XP on the whole caboodle and merge with a HA for planned knighting, although a 2-move chucklenaught might be nice too. I've highlighted the defenders of Atlantis; I certainly hope they're enough to dissuade a scratch force from flanking. But even in that case I'm not toooo worried...
   

'cause I got me some katana knights. Gonna get me a big ole' stack. Barbarians are about to go swarming in style.
   

[Rowain]

Barbarians are about to go swarming in style.

Perfectly styled and with music


Dschingis is german way to spell Genghis

[Commodore]

Barbarians are about to go swarming in style.

Perfectly styled and with music
Dschingis is german way to spell Genghis

That...was definitely a thing. Wow.

Ever have a really awesome night, mixing the Mountain Dew with the scotch and really rolling all your friends at RISK and Starcraft, and you guys watched all the Lord of the Rings movies, and you stayed up even after that engaging in a pun war and eating Taco Bell and watching Reduced Shakespeare Company, and afterward in the morning you still feel good about the night but by golly do you need to pee and clean up and you don't have the energy for any of it? Yeah, that's kind of the barbarians here after reaching Guilds. We're making a mere 30gpt at max tax and the invulnerable doom stack looks impossible to kill but it ain't reaching anything in any kind of good time.

So it is true, I have a really nerdy definition of party. But I had a fun time in college and I actually recall it.

It would be downright alarming were it not for Awesomesauce Chucklenaughts breaking and entering left and right, with the badly wounded horse archers in my stack able to crush the redliners after a couple chucks have gone in. Alas dear jokestars; your donations go into the Code-of-Laws-So-We-Don't-Strike Fund and are much appreciated.

Two-moving collateral should be banned by the Geneva Convention.

One more turn, then PYRAMIDS. Well, presumably. This sluggish waddling opens up all manner of nasty flanking maneuvers for the moist taker of valuables. If he chooses to. I'm also a bit concerned for the health of my great generals; both were upgraded for free into knights but that makes them top defenders here in the newly christened Star Tower Ruin. Nothing else for it, though, keep on waddling, all sweaty and fat.

Code of Laws is still a 2-t tech even at best, yes. Despite KTB from everyone at this point.

Nine knights gallop upon the field now, brandishing sweet katanas and menacing with spikes of iron. Flugauto needs to hurry up and snap himself some Lower Azteca, or else these lads will just go hording over there themselves.

Empire shape is going to get worse before getting better.

[Commodore]

Knock knock, Wetbandit of the Pyramids.

Some gentlemen are at the gate here to see you.

They look insistent. And want parliamentary Representation.

[Krill]

Still think the map's broken?

[Commodore]

Still think the map's broken?

Nerf barbs. Bears OP.