[spoilers] Gaspar and Commodore welcome you to the islands, mon!

[Commodore]

We captured Zabra'jin.

I see the save came in but I'm having some technical issues. Hopefully I'll get them sorted shortly if you happen to be around to play.

Cool, hanging around if you get that hamster squared away.

[Gaspar]

Proposed Extortion Message to rego:

Dear Your Mom,

Sorry things have come to this but after sending us to summer camp one too many times we have come to decide that your head would look good on the end of a pole.

A more accurate AI diplo message would be "We fear you are becoming too advanced." Though the most accurate would be that we're opportunists. After securing a tasty little fleet of Navigation 1 galleys filled with these curious Dual Wielding Axe fellows who seem to be extra good at attacking from said boats we decided the opportunity to see them in action would be wasted on the rump nation-state of Cartoonistan. So we took a little sail and lo and behold, we found some ripe-looking low hanging fruit to pick.

<insert SS here>

We are currently holding the save with a stack of many, many berserkers sitting outside of your new sheep city. We will raze it this turn if you are unwilling to meet our price. Next turn we will capture your marble city which I believe will put a dent in your plans for the Taj Mahal. We will also be landing some veteran troops from the Sianic wars outside your megalopolis of So Skinny while the Drunken Viking Trolls catch up. Ultimately, the only way you will hold that city is through tremendous RNG luck while whipping it well into the ground. While we hold no delusions of being able to take you out, there's no question that we can put enough of a hurt on you to leave you in a long grinding battle and likely put pindicator in a winning position.

Being the rank opportunists that we are, we could be persuaded to move our hungry berserkers in a different direction, but only for the right price. The right price would be:

City of No, REALLYstinky (lost anyway)
City of So Stinky (lost anyway)
City of HerSSNis8
City of BaptizedSeaWorld
City of SitsArndThHouse
City of Village Bicycle
Your World Map
100 gold

In this world you get to keep your core cities and remain relevant, perhaps even still the global hegemon. We will even loan you Marble for 10t to keep you on even footing in the Taj race. We will sign a 30t NAP as part of the treaty.

The choice is yours, choose wisely.

High Warlord Gaspadore of the Troll Empire.

[Commodore]

This is the inserted SS, with UI intact:



I believe the kids there days would say we have him by the "short and curlies". We popped the two annoying triremes with much issue, although the Hex and her new sister are damaged to 1.6 and 2, respectively.




In other far more minor military news, we also cleared the annoying longbow/archer pair with our new knight and a drill/cover crossbow near Zabra'Jin. Not a big deal, but hey, our axe is avenged.



Here's the big target, should Rego refuse. It's decently well defender thus far, but we can cut it off pretty quickly and then it's choke time, hopefully a reply of the battle of Pedro in the end.



So far, so good.

[oledavy]

Renaming the unit 'Pindicator's Zerk' - so willing to sell out your supplier?

Also, why didn't you take paint to the screenshot you sent to Rego to obscure your research?

[Ceiliazul]

hopefully a reply of the battle of Pedro in the end.

Congrats on springing your trap, I can't wait for Rego's answer.

Pedro was quite the run of luck, I hope you're not banking on that happening again! How long until the main stack can get to So Skinny?

[Commodore]

Pedro was quite the run of luck, I hope you're not banking on that happening again! How long until the main stack can get to So Skinny?

Oh no, if he gets in a longbow/turn for the next four turns we still have odds on taking it. Which, to answer you question: Four more turns.

[Commodore]

Well, after some thought, here's Rego's counter-offer:

[COLOR="SeaGreen"]Well a happy new year to you too!!!!

So, to cut right to the chase. It is true that you have struck at an opportune time. I think that I'm not in quite as bad of a shape as you make me out to be, as drafted janissaries hold out pretty well against everything currently in the field.

However, having said that, it would be costly to me as you point out, and there are other things I'd rather be doing, so there is some attractiveness in just paying you to "go away", if you know what I mean.

So allow me to make a counter-offer. I'm sure you have already accounted for the fact that my gifting you cities is significantly more attractive to you than having to take them by force, since then they come with no turns of revolt, and all of the buildings intact.

Since Sian is a rump-nation as you pointed out, and I'm assuming you have some sort of deal with Pindicator to not use the berserkers against him (that would be pretty coldhearted), I am figuring that the "different direction" you have in mind for your hungry berserkers is Inca.

In that case, I have a deal for you. I can offer up on-demand intel on the Incan Empire. You have probably noticed that I have nearly 1000 EPs against Yuri, and have investigate city / city visibility on the majority of his empire.

So here is my counter
* City of So Stinky
* City of No, really stinky. (I know this may not seem like a lot to you since as you point out you can take these two cities anyways but this way they do come with no revolt and all buildings)
* 1 settler, turnover time to be worked out but as soon as the logistics can be worked out
* World Map (Yuri just traded me world maps last turn, so this would give you the location of every city of his, something you won't have of mine)
* On-demand intel of the entire Incan empire. For instance, I can tell you that the size 8 city of Tambococcha, 4 tiles NE of Really Stinky, is working on a market and has a single longbow in it. Also the size 11 city of Huamanga on your eastern border has a single quechua. I believe I can see the garrisons of just over half of his cities. This would last for the duration of our NAP.
* Intel also includes updates on what the Incans are researching as it changes.
* On-demand intel of the Cartoonish state - whatever I can see. Specifically I can see the garrison of the city of B.C.
* Also for the duration of our NAP, I will not put my ~40ept on you, as yuris is already requesting I do. I see from F4 that you and Pindicator are in somewhat of an EP standoff, so I am sure that you would prefer that my EPs continue to go elsewhere.
* Open Borders if you want it - I have several cities that are size 10 or higher that would net you extra gold for your Cothons
* 30t NAP as you suggested

I realize this is fewer cities than you initially asked for. That is why I included the settler, and I think you'll see that the added bonus of the extensive intel I can provide on the Incan Empire will make up for it - as I know you know, in war, especially in Civ, intel is power. The city of Tambococcha itself (size 8) is nearly as big as Sits around the House, SSN is 8 and Baptized at Sea World combined, and has a granary, lighthouse, forge, library and courthouse.

I should be around most of the day - hopefully we can catch up and hammer out a deal that works for both of us.

Your Mom[/COLOR]

I think we can cut something out right here. I'm up for this with a couple changes:

Skinky and No Really, and also Baptized and SSN8 (our four cities) but also we gift him the city of BC once we take it, because as it is that place is utterly useless to us as long as So Skinny (FOURTH ring) is alive.

What do you think, Gaspar?

[NobleHelium]

Skinny's culture will only take the desert hills next to BC. He can't get culture past that because it's on another continent unless he once held a city on that continent.

[Gaspar]

No way are we letting rego slime his way out of this. What do wecare if our Zerks that we got for pennies on the dollar die on Jans? Andthe fact that he spent his EPs unwisely by picoing Yuri as his main threat rather than Pindicator is not my problem. We surely don't need regos intel to know Yuri is underdefended. So his offer essentially is a settler to go away, not going to fly. I think that needs to be said in the followup message (don't let him snare you in a chat btw.) He needs yo understand there is avery tangible benefit to use in him slaving/drafting away, even if we don't actually take much. And that our speed advantage is real and tangible.

Also, not fornothing, but he owes us fir all that extra territory - he never settles several of those without us taking down Sian. So in a sense were just asking for our rightful spoils of the Sianic wars.

4 city minimum, the gold and the map or the naked cities go down and So Skinny becomes more and more useless to him.

[Commodore]

So, on I go:

[COLOR="Orange"]Hey Rego,

Fair enough, I appreciate the chase-cutting. We'll return bluntness for bluntness as well.

This swarm deeply discounted but well-promoted 'zerks is more than capable of smashing through the ones and twos of Janissaries you can pop up quickly in your cities, and our galleys are 4-movers more than capable of shredding through quite a lot of Your Momian colonies in very little time. So Stinky and No Really Stinky are right now takeable without loss, and we know very well how lightly defended Yuri's holdings are right now, so essentially you are offering us a settler to go away. Ah, sorry, no sir. You are currently the runaway, and you will still be the leader if you give up five of your smaller cities. If we force many, many turns of drafting and whipping (and we can certainly handle a long war...how close are you to Police State though?)

Furthermore, much of the extra territory you're claiming now with Baptized and its neighbors are really spoils of war with Sian, as they would be his were it not for his brinkmanship in getting himself into a war with us.

We'll give a little, though, accounting for the extra value of the map;
*You give up:
--So Stinky
--No REALLY Stinky
--Baptized at Sea World
--SSN 8
*NAP for 30 turns
*Your world map
*100 gold
*OB for at least the length of the NAP
*We gift marble for 10 turns

Additionally, we might be willing to gift you the Sian city of BC in return for Sits Around the House, if the more natural borders appeal to you. Working out luxury trades if any of the above cities sit on your sole sources can be negotiated on a case-by-case basis.

-Gaspodore[/COLOR]

Hum. Might be too nice, but if so, we'll kill the two cities and talk again.